The Rose and Centipede
by xXUsEdXx
Summary: He wanted her to bloom in his darkness and keep her from the sun. She belonged to him. Forever.
1. Prologue

Once upon a time, there was a boy.

He was the kind that you would easily pass by without a second glance. While he had a quiet handsomeness, his demeanor was just as silent. He kept to himself, immersed in pages of some novel or other. His shyness endeared him to one other person, but the aura around him was utterly still with loneliness.

Until one night where his life, and his fate, was ripped asunder and he, irrevocably, changed.

Gone was the innocence he had, for darkness had taken its place.


	2. The Rose

_His skin was ice, the sheen of cold coating the roughened palms of his hands against her cheeks._

 _A gasp was torn from her throat as cold lips pressed to her neck, as a wickedly, sinfully scorching tongue flicked at her hammering pulse point._

 _He kept his body pressed tightly against hers, keeping her pinned, as he subdued her spirit in the only way he knew._

 _Her heart drummed violently against her chest as she found herself surrendering._

 _She wanted this._ _ **Craved it.**_

" _You're mine." His voice was deep, seductive, the lull of a predator. "You belong to me and no one else. I'll slaughter anyone that puts a hand on you."_

" _What-" Lips claimed hers in a burning kiss, stealing the air in her lungs, devouring her…_

 _ **Devouring…**_

 _ **He's devouring me…**_

" _ **Mine."**_ _His voice was a growl against her lips before fire seared her from below, cleaving her in two._ _ **"When I'm done with you, your body and soul are going to be ruined."**_

Red eyes flew open as a sharp gasp escaped slightly parted pink lips. Strands of light brown hair spread out against her pillow as she lay an arm over her eyes. _What the hell kind of dream was that…?_

She could barely comprehend that searing feeling she had when that mysterious person placed his hands on her. The touch set fire to her blood and, even now, made her heart race beneath her flesh. Heat rose to her cheeks in embarrassment at her own reaction. She wasn't even sure what kind of dream that really was—or who was it that dominated her like that. They could just be a figment of her imagination, but…

 _I should be getting out of here._ She rose upright from her bed before reaching to grab her phone. She pressed the home button of her phone to unlock it.

 _"Hey Hanami-chan! Hurry up or we'll be late!"_ _Ah, even Yuna is rushing me_.

Hanami got out of bed, pushing the light brown locks of hair from her eyes as she strode to her bathroom to freshen herself up. She combed her fingers through the tangles of her hair as she looked at herself in the mirror.

Her face was fairly average in her eyes, with the snow-white skin and the deep red eyes. People had asked her if she was half-ghoul as a child by taking in her appearance. She wasn't any such thing. Hanami had found out from her mother that her red eyes were such a rare anomaly in her DNA. A recessive gene, surely, as there was no way to explain the rose red of her irises. Yuna, her best friend, was the only one who treated her normally growing up. "Your eyes are pretty!" Yuna had said enthusiastically.

"Time to face the day. Yuna is waiting," murmured Hanami softly, keeping her eyes on her reflection as though expecting her mirrored self to respond.

But it wouldn't. That much she knew for a long time.

* * *

"What took you so long?" Yuna tossed her raven-colored locks over her shoulder, her bright teal eyes glittering with amused impatience as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Hanami smiled, tugging at the hem of her blue skirt after keeping her stride to get to her friend. "I was running fashionable late," she replied, her red eyes glimmering with equal amusement. She adjusted the strap of her bag, easing the pressure on her shoulder. With a boisterous laugh, Yuna threw her arm around Hanami in a tight hug.

"Well, now that you're here, let's go! Class will start with or without us!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"So?"

"So what?"

Yuna shot Hanami a mischievous smirk and Hanami could only realize where she was going. "Did you have the dream about the mysterious stranger again?" asked Yuna, her smirk even more pronounced.

"Um, kind of." Hanami blushed lightly, rubbing her temple.

Yuna gasped dramatically." Hana-chan, you naughty thing! You had a kinky wet dream about your mysterious stranger, didn't you? It must have been _hot_ since you keep dissing every guy that asks you out!"

"Yuna, if you like your teeth, kindly shut up."

"But this is a discovery! Even the ice cold Hana-chan has a type!"

Hanami sighed, but not of annoyance. Yuna was always like this: bubbly and energetic, with a smile to match the mischievous sparkle in her eyes. Hanami wouldn't have her any other way, even living in Tokyo with ghouls undercover wherever she went.

Kamii University was a rather big campus with different buildings for different subjects. Hanami and Yuna were in studying different things, but it was nice to attend the same school considering at how long the girls have known each other. Yuna was chirping away about one of the professors in her class, but Hanami's eyes wandered to the bulletin, where two missing persons posters were plastered: one for Nagachika and…

"I should get going or I'll be late, Hana-chan. When does your class start?" Yuna asked brightly, jolting Hanami's thoughts about the second person whose face was on the bulletin. Yuna's bright expression softened after following Hanami's gaze. "Hana-chan?"

"I'm sorry, Yuna. You were saying?" Hanami tore her gaze away, looking ahead toward the buildings were other students were walking inside.

Yuna sighed. "You're still wondering what happened to him?"

"He's been missing for months and then Nagachika disappears too? How is no one at this school not wondering?" Hanami couldn't help the bitterness creeping into her voice, her red eyes narrowing.

Yuna sighed, placing a hand on Hanami's shoulder. "I can get why you're worried. You've liked him for ages, haven't you?"

"Yeah. I guess." Hanami shook her head, her long bangs hanging over her eyes before she brushed them away impatiently. "But it's been months. By this point, he's probably dead."

"You're an absolute ray of _sunshine_ , Hana-chan."

"Don't we have a class to attend?"

"In fact we do!" Yuna's grin returned in full force, taking the change of subject happily. "I'll head to mine. See you after class for some coffee or something?"

"You know it." Hanami laughed, waving as Yuna ran for to make it to her class. With another sigh, Hanami began her trek toward the Department of Pharmacy before a chill raced up her spine, her limbs locking and her heart slowing to a crawl. She knew this feeling well. It was a chill she always got when she was being watched even for the briefest of seconds.

 _From above?_ Hanami turned her eyes up to the roofs, the sun blinding her vision.

Nothing. She couldn't see anyone up on the roofs of the university's buildings. "I must have imagined it," Hanami muttered under her breath before shaking her head and resumed her way to class, missing the eyes of the figure that watched her from above.

* * *

 _Hanami-chan…She hasn't changed at all…_

She still arrived at the university with her friend, Mizuki Yuna. He saw her eyes turn toward the bulletin board at the posters. His face was still plastered as a missing person. Who would bother to look for him now?

Probably her, now that he thought of it. _If only she knew…_

How long had it been since he last saw her? Months? Almost a year? She talked to him when they would pass each other on the grounds while she waited for her friend, but he never thought of it as a friendship. Maybe an acquaintanceship was more accurate.

 _Would she still…_ He couldn't afford such a thought. Not now. Not when he wasn't the same person as when he would talk to her in those days. If he was going to keep those he had to protect safe, he had to stay away.

 **He had to stay away.**


	3. Twine

The soft tapping of the pencil against paper was soothing for Hanami's nerves. Beneath the sun, the warmth of the rays beaming through the windows, full-lashed red eyes were averted to the people walking past. They lived their lives so differently from how she did.

"Hana-chan?" Yuna's voice drew Hanami back in.

"Mm?"

Yuna smiled, drinking her coffee. "You've been stuck on that page for about ten minutes. Do you need help?"

Hanami shook her head. "No. I guess I'm just distracted."

"By what?"

"I don't know exactly. I've felt like I'm being watched, but I can't confirm it."

Yuna frowned, setting her cup down. "That's a little creepy, isn't it?" she asked softly. "I know you always figured out that with a gut feeling of yours when someone does watch you. But now one that you can't even be sure of? That's a little rare, huh?"

"Need a refill?" Hanami's eyes turned toward the waitress who spoke before she even opened her mouth to reply to Yuna. Blue eyes met red ones as Hanami took in the blue-haired girl who waited expectantly for an answer. There was something about her that carried an aura of sadness.

 _Just like him._ "Yeah," Hanami smiled kindly at the waitress. "A refill would be great, thank you."

"You're welcome. I'll get that filled for you." The waitress took Hanami's empty cup and walked to the counter to refill it. Hanami watched her movement. The waitress reminded her of him. She wondered at that.

Anteiku was a small coffee shop that Yuna knew of. Hanami knew that Yuna wanted to bring her here and, considering the quaintness of the place, Hanami could see why. Yuna, who had been fond of Nagachika before he had disappeared, knew that he had come here as well and Hanami wouldn't interfere with her friend being rather love-struck.

In a blink, the waitress had brought back a new cup of coffee, setting it by Hanami's hand. Hanami smiled again. "Thank you, miss…?"

"It's Touka." Touka smiled politely, the long strands of her blue hair concealing her other eye.

"Touka, that's a pretty name." Hanami set her pencil down, keeping her smile in place. "I hope the rest of your shift goes well."

Touka laughed but Hanami couldn't discern if it was genuine or due to politeness. "Thank you," she replied before leaving the table to tend to the other guests. Hanami lifted the cup to her lips, swallowing down some of the warm coffee.

"Touka-chan is pretty though, isn't she?" asked Yuna, her teal eyes on the girl. "I envy that."

"Yuna, you've got your own charm. There's no need to be jealous," answered Hanami blithely, setting her cup down. "But it's almost three. Don't you have a date soon?"

"Holy crap, you're right!" Yuna gasped, hurriedly grabbing at her books and shoving them into her bag. "What would I do without you, Hana-chan?"

"Probably lose your head if it wasn't attached." Hanami smiled at Yuna's grateful, yet exasperated look at her dry attempt at humor. Slinging the strap of her bag over her shoulder, Yuna raised a hand in farewell. "Wish me luck, Hana-chan. Oh, and call me when you get home. You know how I feel about you being out after dark and all," she said in a hushed voice.

"Yuna, I'll be fine. Go and meet your date."

"You're the best! I'll call you tonight!"

Hanami watched as Yuna dashed out of the shop, her black hair flying behind her. The warmth that spread in her chest at her friend's utter excitement made Hanami happy. Living in an apartment alone ways off from school had the air of suffocating isolation that Hanami knew she was lucky that Yuna called or even came over unannounced to check on her.

A chill zapped through her spine like lightning, causing Hanami's head to turn back toward the window. The feeling was quickly leaving her, as if the owner of whatever pair of eyes that always landed on her had fled. Frustration bubbled inside of her, heating her blood in irritation. It had to be the same pair of eyes. The chill was exactly the same as when she was at campus.

"Is everything okay?" Touka's voice lessened a bit of Hanami's unease—but did nothing to eliminate it entirely.

Hanami's red eyes remained fixated on the window, but the chill hadn't returned. The source of it had to have left the vicinity of the coffee shop. "Yeah. I'm fine, Touka-san. I just thought…"

Touka frowned softly, Hanami could see it in the girl's reflection of the glass. "Thought?"

"Just thought that maybe I saw a missing person from my university. This place was probably one of his hangouts, but I don't know if you've seen him."

"Maybe I have? What university do you go to?"

"Kamii." Hanami's eyes flickered to look at Touka, who seemed to have stiffen as soon as the word left her lips. That was odd; why would the university name affect her so? "Any students that used to come by but don't anymore?"

"Maybe. We do get a lot of university students here though," Touka smiled politely. "I'll let you know if I see them if you would give me their names."

"I'll write them down for you." Hanami tore a small sheet of paper from her notebook before picking up her pencil and scribbling out the names. If there was a chance that maybe, just maybe, they weren't missing…

She handed the slip of paper to Touka. "I'll probably be back soon with the girl I was just with. Would you let me know then?" she asked.

"Sure." Touka nodded, keeping the small paper in her hand before she walked away quickly. It hadn't escaped Hanami's notice; her instincts were razor sharp as soon as Touka froze when Hanami said her university name. Yuna was right; they had frequented here before.

Hanami drained the remains of her coffee before she began to pack up, closing her books and pushing them into her bag. Her mind was spinning, her long hair falling over her shoulder. _He had been here, he had been here,_ her mind chanted over and over. Touka's reaction gave her a sudden burst of hope; him being at the café, likely more than once, could mean that maybe he was still alive. He had to be.

Standing up, Hanami quickly fished out yen to pay the bill and to tip Touka from her wallet before she dashed out with a hammering heart. What if the eyes were because he could see her in the old haunts?

She kept running, but it wasn't in the direction of home. She wasn't even sure why this affected her so aside from Yuna saying that Hanami liked him. That could be true, but they've only spoken a handful of times; they've never hung out beyond that. She didn't mind that before.

Why did it bother her now?

Hanami reached the bulletin on the campus grounds before her mind even caught up, her eyes on the two missing posters that were frayed at the edges, but two faces looking back at her still startling clear.

"Are you still alive?" whispered Hanami, feeling a prickling at the rims of her eyes. "If you are, just give me a sign. Please."

The wind rustled the leaves of the tree, the soothing sound the only thing that rang in the empty air. The sky was changing from red-orange to a darkening indigo. The sun was falling. Hanami sighed softly before pressing her palm against the photo used on the poster for two, three heartbeats, before she turned away, her hand leaving the paper as she began her trek home. She was out of her way; it'd be dark by the time she even reached her apartment's threshold.

The streets were nearly empty of people as the sun slowly sank and the sky darkened into the inky blue Hanami came to love when it was cloudless and the stars were out. Her heartbeat had slowed down as her blood still hummed through her veins. Her phone sat heavily in her pocket and surely, Hanami could guess, that Yuna would call soon to make sure she arrived home safely. _All I have to do is keep walking…keep walking,_ she told herself as she passed a dark alleyway.

Before she could even blink, Hanami felt hands grasp at her arms, yanking her from the lit streets and into the dank alleyway. She let out a cry at the cold bricks against her back, the pain sharp against her bones. Hanami could barely orient herself when she felt a sharp yanking on her scalp and her eyes met the kakugan of a male ghoul.

"Look what I have here. Such a pretty thing I've caught for my dinner!" The ghoul's lips parted in a sickening, hungry grin and Hanami's blood went cold.

 _No, no, no…!_ Instinct overrode her reasoning. Hanami swung her arms at the ghoul violently in an attempt to get his grip to loosen; however, the grip only tightened before Hanami felt something wrap around her and before she knew it, she crashed into a wall.

She felt the snap of her arm before the pain seared her, as her body dropped to the ground. The ghoul's laughter shattered the air, ringing in her ears and Hanami felt her stomach lurch. Splashes of red blinded her as the pain deepened further into what must have been another broken part of her body.

"I usually like my meat tender. Makes it easier to chew." The footsteps crunched on the gravel as the ghoul moved toward her. "The stench of fear on you is a damn delicious spice."

 _I have to get out of here!_ Hanami pushed herself upright, only to collapse with a scream as pain jolted through her ankle. Strands of her hair in her eyes, Hanami clawed into the ground desperately, pulling her weight across in a desperate attempt for life. The ghoul stomped hard on her outstretched arm at the wrist and Hanami heard the bone snap cleanly before another cry wrenched itself from her throat. The ghoul bent down, wrapping his fingers around her throat and lifting her from the ground. "Got a lot of spunk in you, eh? I don't like my entrée trying to escape, bitch!"

It was instantaneous. Hanami felt the ghoul's teeth bury into her shoulder, could smell her blood contaminating the air before the ghoul dropped her to the ground, tearing a chunk of her flesh. Blood pooled from her wound, seeping into the strands of her hair. The world was blurring, mixing with white-hot pain, and Hanami could hear the ghoul swallowing the piece of her he tore with gluttonous gulps. The pain of her shattered bones and her shoulder were sharp as blades stabbing into her, overwhelming her.

The greedy laughter of the ghoul was warbled; she was fading away as the creature bent down again to take another bite of her.

"Help me…" The plea left Hanami's lips in a whisper, darkness at the edges of her blurring eyesight. "Please…someone…"

Splatters of a warm liquid dotted Hanami's face, stained into her clothes. The male ghoul's shrieks of pain pierced the air before, suddenly, he was silenced. Breathing heavily, Hanami forced her eyes to work as she could see a moving figure clad in black bent over an unmoving body, the sounds of chewing in the air. It took the painful intakes of breaths filling Hanami's lungs for the figure to stand up and the alleyway reeked the metallic tang of blood.

The crunch of feet upon gravel startled the manic fear in Hanami's blood, but she was in no condition to go anywhere, not with the pain permeating throughout her body. Through half-lidded eyes, she caught the sheen of white hair before feeling strong arms lift her. The strength in her savior was surprisingly gentle as they cradled her against them.

"Thank you," Hanami began in a whisper, but she felt a gloved finger press against her lips in an effort to silence her gratitude. Her vision faded to black, but not before a soft voice reached her ears.

 _"You're safe now."_

* * *

She lost consciousness. It was better this way. She could believe she dreamt him up.

He never expected this. He never anticipated a sudden ghoul attack to involve her.

The ghoul was low-level scum that targeted her in a spur of hunger, but that did nothing to ease the flames of anger within him that heated his blood and urged him to kill. When he caught her scent mixed in with that ghoul's, the rage had blinded him into seeing absolute red.

Of all things to touch, he had _touched her_ and paid for it with his life.

He devoured the bastard's kagune, which seemed like too light a sentence for something so heinous. It was too late to dwell on that now. Not when her body was in his arms. She was broken, but safe.

He could take her to the hospital; but then what? She had such sharp intuition as it was. She would say that a ghoul saved her. She would mention a rescuer.

He looked down at her face, the skin pale as newly fallen snow from her slow loss of blood. _Just as pretty as I remember…_ He shook his head, shattering the thought. This was why he had to stay away. This weakness did nothing to serve his purpose now.

Someone other than him had to have heard her screams. Sooner or later, the CCG would be coming to investigate soon and find only a ghoul corpse. Let them deal with that how they may.

But he wasn't going to leave her bleeding next to a ghoul's corpse.

Grinding his teeth behind the mask, he moved carefully from the bloodied alleyway to the rooftops of buildings. If her home had the same scent of roses as she did, he'd find it easily. That was his goal for now: to get her home.


	4. Forgetting is Null

_Oh my God, I actually got positive feedback on this fic. You guys have no idea how happy this made me today through my rather turbulent life right now. So here is an update for you!_

 _I also joined the Tokyo Ghoul amino under my pen name. Feel free to follow me there, if you like!_

* * *

She could feel pressure against her shoulder along with a sharp stinging of disinfectant against her skin. Why would she need it there…?

Images of the altercation in the alleyway slowly drifted back into her mind and Hanami barely suppressed a soft moan. _That's right. I was attacked by a ghoul and then…_

A silver-haired figure dressed in black saved her life.

Hanami forced her eyes to flutter open and the pressure at her shoulder paused. She slowly turned her head toward where the pressure was coming from, only to shoot upright with a gasp.

The silver-haired figure was there, a mask over their face that seemed so close to what she thought Frankenstein would look like, with a lipless mouth unveiling gnashing teeth and bolts on either side of the neck. The shock overtook the pain and Hanami doubled over, pressing a hand to the bandages that covered her shoulder.

The figure remained still as a stone as Hanami took in her surroundings. The light blue walls with photo strips tacked onto their surface, the desk with papers and notebooks strewn upon it; it was her apartment. How did this person even get them inside? Hanami's inner question was answered when she caught the gleam of her keys on her desk. He must have got them from her pocket while she was unconscious.

Hanami's eyes shot to the figure when she felt a hand press against the bandage carefully, the ice cold focus on making sure it was in place sending waves of chills down her spine.

"Were you the one who was watching me?" asked Hanami softly, dropping her hand from her shoulder. "There was no way anyone was close enough to hear me…"

She was about to avert her gaze, but a gloved hand pressed against the curve of her cheek, the pressure having her turn her eyes back to the masked stranger. She could see the unveiled eye much more closely now, the grey iris fixated on hers. It was cold, but there was something akin to a softness that was familiar.

Hanami had seen that kind of gaze before.

Their thumb slowly stroked her cheek, the glove surprising soft against her skin and Hanami kept her eyes fixed on the stranger. Her heart galloped wildly in her chest and she was afraid that if she blinked, if she broke this moment, this stranger would disappear.

The stranger spoke then. "Your eyes are still so pretty."

Hanami's heart froze in her chest, her eyes widening. She recognized that voice; it was much deeper, colder than she remembered, but she'd recognize it anywhere.

Her mind went back to that day when he first said that to her, with an embarrassed blush on his cheeks during one of their conversation. It was when he _really_ looked into her eyes.

 _"Your eyes are really pretty."_

The hand slowly left her face as he retreated from her, the touch still warm on her skin, before Hanami found herself trying to get to her feet, only to stop herself when she saw the splint of her ankle. "Wait," she called, her eyes on his retreating back.

He stopped, but didn't face her. Hanami's heart kicked back up again, hope blossoming in her chest, as she placed a hand against her bandaged shoulder. The silence was total, but he was waiting for her to say what she needed to. She could tell that much.

"It's you, isn't it?" murmured Hanami, feeling tears prick at her eyes. Her voice rose an octave, shaking from the inevitable torrent of tears blurring her vision. When turned back only slightly, Hanami couldn't see his eye from where she sat on her bed, but she had to know.

"It's you, right, Kaneki?"

He didn't move for the barest of heartbeats, each second dragging on its own eternity. Then, he raised a hand to his mask, tugging at the mouth before she could faintly hear a zipper being opened. Hanami was about to get to her feet, her uninjured foot touching the cold floor, before he spoke again.

"You shouldn't get up. If you put weight on your injured ankle, it may get worse."

Hanami froze for only a second before she slowly moved, gingerly placing her injured foot to the floor.

His voice grew colder. "Didn't you hear what I said?"

"Where did you go? All this time, what the hell happened to you?" she asked softly, her voice shaking from either nervousness or elation. She couldn't tell anymore with the emotions twining around her heart so tightly.

"It doesn't matter. You need to forget that you ever saw me." He turned away, striding to the door with a self-assurance Hanami had never seen before.

Her teeth clench together, the low grinding of the bones hollow in her ears. "How can I when you just saved my life from being taken by a ghoul? The least you can do is answer my question!"

"You wouldn't understand if I told you. Forget that you saw me, Hanami."

"I wouldn't-how would _you_ know? I thought you were _dead_!"

"You're better off keeping that thought, then. It'd be easier for you."

"So you're just going to leave without telling me anything?"

He turned back around and Hanami could feel the freezing aura emanating from him. This was different; this wasn't like the Kaneki she'd known. The Kaneki she remembered was warm, kind, trusting with a ready smile and polite demeanor; this one was a complete stranger, a side she'd never before witness. "You have no idea how dangerous this is with my being here. I shouldn't have gotten involved like this. I should have stayed away," he said stonily.

"And let me die? You'd be okay with that?" Hanami asked, so softly she thought she imagined saying that to him.

He moved like lightning; suddenly, Hanami was laying on her back atop her bed, Kaneki hovering over her, his eye narrowed. Her heart beat so loudly, she was sure he could hear it, but the mask hid his expression.

"I could eat you, you know. I could have eaten you in that alley after killing that ghoul," he muttered. "You need to forget you saw me, Hanami. The Kaneki you once knew is dead; he isn't me."

"What do you mean _eat_ …?" Hanami breathed out, the dam holding her tears back shattering. The crystalline drops raced down her cheeks as she looked at him, trying to wrap her mind around his words, at the comprehension that he wasn't the same as before. "What happened to you? Why won't you tell me?"

"There's no point in telling you." His gaze pinned her. Even if she wanted to move, she couldn't. "Forget about me, Hanami, and I'll do the same for you."

"I don't…I _can't_ forget about you, Kaneki. Not after seeing you alive. Asking me to do so is nothing short of idiotic."

The silence was different now; it wasn't unbearably suffocating. Gloved fingers slowly drifted to the column of her neck, a ghost of a touch over her pulse point before drifting to her collarbone. "You haven't changed a bit, Hanami. I'm relieved," he murmured softly.

Her mind suddenly blanked at his words. _What_?

Hanami raised a shaking hand toward his face, but he was gone in an instant, the door to her apartment opening and shutting behind him.

She couldn't move, her hand still hovering in the air where she could have touched his mask had she enough courage to do so. "Kaneki," she whispered, more tears burning down her face, as her hand dropped against the mattress. Her chest heaved with sobs so full, she could hardly understand herself nor had she any idea of how to restrain them.

 _But what would be the use of crying silently?_ Especially when no one was around to hear her?

* * *

She was trying to keep quiet, but he could hear her. He could smell her tears, the salt burning his nostrils as though he were still in that apartment with her.

Kaneki had thought saving her would be easy. He couldn't just watch her die at the hands of some lowlife bastard of a ghoul. Hanami was lucky he had been in the vicinity or she would have been devoured.

 _Devoured._ Why did that anger him so? Kaneki had told himself to stay away and yet he had broken that resolve as soon as he killed that ghoul for breaking her body. Her delicate, _delicious_ body that aroused the hunger deep within him when that succulent scent of roses and blood reached him and had him absolutely salivating.

He could have very nearly finished what that ghoul had started in the alley by devouring her. Yet the rage that had him desire the blood of the ghoul who had attacked Hanami overpowered his desire to sink his teeth into her soft flesh. Even while bandaging her injuries in such close proximity, all he wanted to do was _bury his teeth into that body_.

He shook his head furiously. If he had done that, then those he longed to protect meant nothing to him after all; if he could give into his hunger and kill Hanami, who else could he harm that way? Touka? Hinami? Nishio?

Hanami was a relic of his human life, Kaneki told himself many times. He couldn't afford to cling to that anymore, not when he was on a road to getting power to protect what meant the most to him. Even when he could see those pretty red eyes staring at him, could remember all of their conversations as if they were precious as diamonds, he _could not_ drag her into this no matter how many times she'd plead. Hanami was safer at a distance, in the past.

If he had given her the answer she wanted, she would be more involved than she already was. That meant she would be in danger, especially if the CCG questioned her. They weren't that close; she had no reason to protect him. Hell, he had no reason to protect her!

 _Why are you finding it so hard to leave her, then?_ A voice asked softly in his mind, arguing with him, toying with the notion that he had such easy prey within reach. _If you want her so badly, why haven't you eaten her? You want to…you know you want to…_

God, he wanted to. Without a doubt, he wanted to bite into that soft flesh and bathe himself in her blood until it stained him to the bones.

But he won't. He would not jeopardize her like that. He saved her and perhaps within a few days, she'd forget that she ever saw him.

Kaneki forced himself to move away from Hanami's door, forced himself to ignore the scent of her tears that took root and infected his senses. He had goals to accomplish and she was a distraction.

An unwelcomed distraction.

* * *

Hanami barely spared a glance to the clock resting on her bedside table. The barest streaks of sunlight couldn't breach her curtains as she lay in bed, her eyes sore from the tears she shed throughout the night.

Her body ached from her ordeal in the alley, but even more so when she was pinned by Kaneki before he left. Her heart raced at the thought that he had been so close the whole time, when Hanami almost gave up and thought he was dead. Kaneki wanted her to forget she ever saw him, but she couldn't; how could she? How could he even ask that of her?

Hanami inhaled shakily through her teeth as she placed her hands against her stomach. She couldn't even go to school with her ankle messed up as it was. A mirthless laugh nearly bubbled from her throat; she could hear Kaneki now, telling her to rest. Yet, her mind rang, hearing the voice of the Kaneki she remembered; he would have fussed over her and be kind enough to "help" Yuna bring any notes that Hanami missed that day. She knew he would because he had once, before…

 _He's so different now,_ Hanami thought, her heart trembling beneath her bones. She remembered the quiet, raven-haired boy with fondness; the white-haired version of him terrified her and still she found herself thinking of him. Of how he still made her feel.

Yuna was not kidding when she had commented on Hanami being head over heels for Kaneki; the brunette couldn't even deny it to herself, much less aloud if Yuna were here. Suddenly, Hanami craved some kind of interaction, any kind, to vent about how the long-missing Kaneki reappeared so suddenly back into her life as abruptly as he had apparently left. Yuna wouldn't believe her, there was no way; she had long given up on him being alive. Who in the world could she, Hanami, possibly talk to about her tumultuous feelings?

The answer hit her so blatantly that Hanami jolted upright, her light brown hair falling over her shoulder. She knew exactly who she could talk to. All she had to get them alone.


	5. The Beginnings of Obsession

_He could feel her fragile body caving beneath him, trembling at his touch as he devoured her mouth._

 _She tasted so sweet,_ _ **so delicious**_ _, that he couldn't help but swallow the sounds she made. His fingers dug into her hips, nails piercing the soft skin, in order to pull her closer to his body._

 _Her body craved his; he could smell it, could_ _ **feel**_ _it. His responded instinctively in turn when he freed her mouth to latch onto her neck, for the air to be filled with her whimpers…_

 _The vision changed. A stinging, metallic tang sharpened the air, danced against the tip of his tongue. His body was splashed, the new scent mingling with his own before his eyes glanced down to his hands._

 _ **They were stained RED.**_

 _ **Blood.**_

 _He inhaled sharply, his throat closing, as the deep crimson liquid infecting his pale skin, becoming a part of him. His tongue scraped the roof of his mouth, the aftertaste of something_ _ **sweet**_ _coating the surface. His eyes slowly rose. There she was._

 _Only something was wrong._

 _She was_ _ **wrong.**_

 _Her chest was ripped open, blood spilling like a serene waterfall and pooling around her feet. Her ribcage protruded from within, her lungs fighting to take in air as her heart pumped feebly. Tears fell from those ruby eyes, diluting the crimson that dripped from her mouth._

 _The world shattered with his scream, voices screeching at him to eat, to_ _ **entertain**_ _!_

 _The centipede was crawling in his head, scratching and scurrying, trying to escape; it burned, agony firing up in his ear canal._

 _A shrieking laugh, telling him how delicious he was; a roar of manic glee while his bones ripped inside of him as red danced in his vision._

 _A scream mixed with his, high-pitched and saturated with pain. He'd never heard such a scream, not even when other voices were screaming with him…_

" _ **It hurts…"**_ _Hands wet with blood caressed his cheeks; bloodied lips met his._ _ **"Doesn't it?"**_

 _Those haunting red eyes were fixated on his, her fingers curling against his cheeks._

" _ **I'm a part of you now, aren't I, Kaneki?"**_

Kaneki awoke with a strangled yell, his hands clutching at his hair, as he curled on his bed. Memories haunted him, from when Rize nearly devoured him; from the burning pain in his throat from longing for human flesh while fighting to retain his humanity; Yamori ripping his toes and fingers off, putting the centipede in his ear to hear him scream. He remembered Hide, Touka, and Hinami.

 _And Hanami…_

He had to leave everything behind, to protect his sense of belonging, and yet the brunette, ruby-eyed girl invaded his mind—the sweetest dream that turned into a bloodstained nightmare. It was weakness, something he couldn't indulge in! He shouldn't be questioning himself and his decisions, but his eyes needed to follow her.

Kaneki could still see her, those eyes looking at him with shock, wonder, and…

 _Has she ever looked at me like that before?_

His heart lurched, a craving unlike anything he ever felt before boiling his blood and growing deep into his marrow. Hanami was so beautiful, so **fragile** , that Kaneki craved to protect her, to keep her in the shield of his arms; yet his craving drove deeper, his throat burning to taste her flesh, to bury her into the shadows and make her _**one with him…**_

Kaneki gritted his teeth, sitting upright. "Damn it…" he growled, his kakugan activated behind his fingers. He was hungry for one human; anything else would fill him and yet, he found the idea utterly repulsive. His throat burned hotter.

 _ **It has to be her.**_

* * *

"You're lost in your head, aren't you?"

The question hung in the air, not an accusation, but full of genuine concern. Kaneki narrowed his eyes slightly at Himeko as her blue eyes fixated on him.

He had gone to HySy for guidance. If anyone understood what it was like to crave a human, it was Uta. After all, he had his human mate with him. The aforementioned ghoul was out, but the blue-haired girl that lived with him was watching the shop and gladly let him in.

"I'm not sure what to think," muttered Kaneki, glancing away. Himeko had a rather uncanny gift for knowing what he was thinking, if not the entire gist of it. "She's been on my mind. It's becoming a nuisance."

"Kaneki, you haven't been by to see any of us in months. While I'm happy to see you, the first thing you ask advice about is girls?" asked Himeko softly, tapping a slender index finger against her cheek. She sat at Uta's work desk, careful to not disturb the numerous sketches and utensils the mask-masker used.

"You sound like I've been stringing girls along." Kaneki glared at the bluenette, who only smiled knowingly in turn.

"It's only one, isn't it? That girl from your school days?"

Kaneki crossed his arms over his chest, silent as stone. Himeko giggled before her expression melted into seriousness. "She must be something if she's bothering you this much," she murmured, lacing her fingers together and resting them onto her lap.

Kaneki relaxed slightly. "I don't know what it is, Himeko-chan. I can't get her out of my head, especially now after saving her," he replied softly. "It's deeper than that, though. Something much deeper."

Himeko fixed Kaneki with that unnerving stare. "Kaneki, it can be one of two things. You either want to eat her or you've been in love with her. Which is it?"

He didn't answer.

* * *

Hanami stood in front of Anteiku, her lips pressed in a resolute line. The weather was warm, but a chill permeated from within her. Shaking her head, she walked up the stairs and pushed the door open to the chorus of "welcome". Her eyes scanned the café before landing on the familiar head of dark hair before she approached the counter. Her purple eyes fell on Hanami, the mask she held prior falling away. She raised a hand to gesture Hanami to follow her and, wordlessly, Hanami did so.

When they were in a spare room, Hanami sat on the couch and Touka took the couch opposite her, the glass table between them. Silence hung between them and Hanami kept her hands loosely curled in her lap. Touka opened her mouth to speak, but Hanami stopped her.

"You know why I'm here," she said softly, her red eyes on the table. "I know he had come here before."

Touka's eyes widened slightly before she looked down. "You figured it out," she replied, not bothering to phrase it as a question. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"Touka-chan, please," Hanami whispered, raising her eyes to look at the dark-haired girl. "Has he been here recently?"

Touka bit her lower lip, purple eyes rising to look at Hanami. She could see why Kaneki was flustered with the girl; the red eyes were unnerving, but there was something lovely about them. When Kaneki still worked at Anteiku, he had talked about a girl he would exchange pleasantries before Rize, when he went to school in attempt to keep some normalcy. A stab of jealousy pierced her heart. Did this girl have any idea how much Kaneki cared for her, even now?

Exhaling, Touka's eyes fell onto the table. "I haven't seen him lately. Why is it so important to you?" she asked.

"Because he saved me last night." At Hanami's sharp words, Touka felt shock dousing her deep to her bones. Hanami's eyes trembled despite how her voice was strong in her statement. Her light brown hair fell over her shoulders, framing a delicate face. Her lower lip trembled, hands curling into a fist. "I was about to be killed by a ghoul and he…he saved my life."

At Touka's stunned silence, Hanami continued. "He said he could have eaten me. But ghouls eat people and Kaneki..." she paused, closing her eyes. "The Kaneki I knew wasn't a ghoul. He's kind and the most gentle of souls I've ever met. He wouldn't hurt anybody." She stopped, emotions constricting around her fragile heart, her throat closing as the rims of her eyes burned. The Kaneki she knew was dead, that's what he had told her; but Hanami didn't believe him. She couldn't.

"Touka-chan," Hanami tried to force the tears back, but the dam shattered; the crystalline liquid fell down her cheeks and her voice was full of emotions. "Please…"

"Touka!" A girl's voice broke the tension, the door flying open, and Hanami only glanced back right as a young girl's expression softened into confusion. "Oh, um…"

"Hinami," Touka stood up, going toward the young girl. "Sorry, this girl's an old friend of Kaneki's. She's just worried sick that he's been missing."

"Oh." Hinami lowered her gaze slightly. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"No, no, I'm sorry." Hanami wiped at her eyes, forcing a gentle smile to curve her lips. "Hinami-chan, was it? Such a pretty name for a pretty girl. I'm sorry for this," she said.

Hinami's eyes widened suddenly as Touka took her hand to guide her out. Hanami had gotten to her feet by then. "Don't rush on my account, Touka-chan. I have to go anyway. Just thanks for taking the time to talk to me," she said, hurrying to walk out the door. Her head hurt; emotions she wasn't sure she could push back were burrowing into her heart. If she stayed any longer, she was sure that she would lose her cool.

Touka and Hinami watched as Hanami rushed out, but the dark-haired girl knew it was merely to save face. _Crying so suddenly like that,_ Touka thought, thinking on the tears that fell from Hanami's eyes when she spoke of Kaneki.

"Touka?" Hinami murmured. "That girl…"

"Like I said, she's someone from Kaneki's school. An old friend," replied Touka, smiling at the brown-haired girl.

Hinami frowned. "She looked so sad, Touka. Even when she smiled like that…" she trailed off.

Touka looked at Hinami, surprised at how observant the girl was, before her expression softened. "Do you remember how Kaneki talked about her? He never mentioned her name, but that is definitely that girl with the odd eyes he always gushed about."

Hinami nodded. "That her eyes were red and that was she really pretty."

"She definitely is pretty, but I think it's more than that. I don't think she knows how much Kaneki cares about her to stay away…like how much he cares, to stay away from all of us." Touka shook her head. "I'm sure we'll see her again."

* * *

Hanami could barely break into a run with her ankle healing. She knew she just had to go, to leave Anteiku, before her emotions overcame her. She had almost lost her cool in front of a young child. The streets were crowded, but the noise wasn't registering to her brain. It was as though everything was silent, even with endless bodies surrounding her. She was alone.

Alone…

" _You're always alone, aside from hanging out with Nagachika." Hanami sat across from Kaneki, her eyes narrowed softly at the dark-haired male. "Why is that, Kaneki?"_

 _Kaneki averted his eyes, a light shade of pink dusting his cheeks. "I'm not that social. Hide understands me the best, after all; we've been friends forever."_

" _Well then," Hanami rest her elbow against the tabletop, propping her cheek against her palm. "Is it all right if I try to understand too? Since you and I are alike?"_

 _Kaneki blinked in surprise. "But you're never alone. You're always with Yuna-san!"_

" _It's the same way as you and Nagachika, silly. Yuna just knows me the best." Hanami smiled. "She isn't scared of me because of my eyes."_

" _Why would your eyes be scary?" Kaneki's eyes widened slightly. "Your eyes are really pretty."_

 _ **Pretty…**_

" _ **These are the eyes of a demon!"**_

" _ **SUCH UGLY EYES."**_

Hanami inhaled sharply, shattering the memory with a sharp shake of her head as her hand slowly rose to cover her left eye. She lowered her hand, tilting her gaze to the sky. The azure heaven stretched above her, the clouds a cover as the sun blazed overhead. Hanami couldn't help but wonder if he was near now, staring into the same heaven.

Or was he hiding in the shadows now?

She forced herself to move forward, to wander with no clear destination. Yuna would have made fun of her for doing this, saying that she was looking for traces of the Kaneki she knew. Surely, Hanami thought, that Touka knew that. Anteiku was a piece, she knew. A place Kaneki had gone to with Nagachika before they both just disappeared in thin air. A place that could very well be frozen in a time where the white-haired side of Kaneki wasn't who she knew.

Only ghouls ate humans; Hanami knew that. Yet Kaneki, who saved her from a ghoul attack, said he could have very well eaten her too. He was different, but it also looked as though her was fighting an internal war. He said such cold words to her, but displayed that gentleness she knew he'd always have. He was trying to push her away. He couldn't be, but…

 _Was he…?_

In a daze, Hanami drew closer to Kamii, where she met the Kaneki she remembered; where her heart was stolen.

Something latched onto her wrist, gripping it tightly, shocking her from her reverie. Before she could turn to discern who had grabbed her, she was pulled into a solid chest, an arm winding around her shoulders. She glanced at the hand resting in a loose fist against her shoulder.

It was covered in a black glove.

* * *

Her scent was at Anteiku. He remembered it keenly without it mixing with blood.

He also knew whatever resolve he hoped to gain from seeking advice was for naught. He let her see him and he let himself get too close the moment he saved her. She infected him, a disease taking root within his heart and crushing it with its thorny stems.

He had followed her when she left Anteiku, the scent of roses invading him, and he saw how dazed she was. Anger spread like wildfire in his veins. Was she just _asking_ to be a target?

When she stumbled to Kamii, he seized her by the wrist, pulling her against him. She said nothing; merely breathed while trembling like a frightened rabbit as he wrapped an arm around her. Her scent filled him now, deep into his core, as he tightened his hold on her. "Hanami," he whispered, leaning so his lips were near her ear. "You're out already on such a bad ankle."

Hanami inhaled sharply and a rush of pleasure shot through him as she murmured his name. "Kaneki."

"I kept telling myself I needed to stay away. You've infected me and I need to know why." Kaneki buried his face into Hanami's neck, inhaling deeply. His hand drifted up, his fingers wrapping loosely around her neck. "Why can't I stop watching you the most?"

"What do you want from me?" whispered Hanami softly, her breath hitching. "You wouldn't answer my questions and now you're here asking me some?"

Kaneki couldn't refrain the low laugh rumbling from within his chest, relishing at the shiver that raced through Hanami's body at the sound. "That isn't fair," he replied.

His grip tightened on her trembling shoulder, his kakugan activated as his hunger for her skyrocketed.

"Then again, I'm not playing fair this time."


	6. The Centipede's Captive

He was out of his mind. He had to be, to bring her here.

 _Bring._ If that's how one lightly called coercion.

When Kaneki had Hanami far enough away from a crowd, he rendered her unconscious by hitting the back of her neck and carried her the rest of the way. The fact that she was willing enough to follow him to the shadows was enough for him. He never realized how light she was, like a delicate feather, when he swept her up in his arms. Now that she was in such close proximity, there was no way he could just let her be.

Surely Mizuki Yuna would be searching for Hanami after not hearing from her for a few days. The two were best friends, just like he and Hide; Hanami herself had told him that Yuna understood her best of all. Kaneki gnashed his teeth together, the grinding sound low in his head, as jealousy raged and sunk its fangs into him. If he had to kill Hanami's existence in society in order for someone to not look for her, then he would do so.

 _Anything to have her be with me._

When Kaneki walked into the warehouse carrying Hanami, his footsteps echoing into the vast emptiness, resolute in his decision. She'd be protected here; better still, she'd be with him. He could find no fault in this. He knew it was something she wanted more than anything in the world.

He strode over to the lone couch in the room, gently laying the unconscious Hanami atop it and watching as her light-brown hair fanned out like a halo. Her chest rose and fell gently with even breaths, her cheeks pale, and Kaneki's throat burned. She was so close that he could easily take a bite of her. He could devour her here and no one would know. She'd stay with him forever that way…

Hanami drew a shaking breath, breaking Kaneki's thoughts. He knelt down, knees against the dusty floor, but Hanami's eyes didn't open. Brows drawn, Kaneki stroked Hanami's cheek, the softness of her skin delighting his fingers. His fingers drifted upward slightly, his index finger brushing against her eyelash.

"Kaneki." He froze as Hanami's soft voice reached his ears. Her eyes didn't open and yet, she was calling for him. Her head tilted toward his touch as if she were seeking him out in her dreams. Gritting his teeth, Kaneki withdrew his hand, forcing himself to his feet. What was he thinking? How could he have brought her here?

Hanami's eyes fluttered as she stirred. She blinked blearily, disoriented, before she pushed herself upright. She pressed a hand to her forehead, her eyes closed, as her light-brown hair fell over shoulders. Kaneki forced himself to take steps back, maintaining his distance. Shaking her head, Hanami forced her eyes upward, taking in her surroundings. "Where…am I?" she whispered.

 _Don't get closer to her…_ He turned away, to keep his gaze away from her. "There's no point in asking that question, Hanami," he replied coolly. "Even if you try to run away, I'll find you and bring you back here."

"Kaneki?" The couch creaked at Hanami's movement, her feet making a barely audible sound against the floor. "Where are we?" she asked, trying to keep her voice strong. "Why did you bring me here?"

"Does it matter why?" answered Kaneki, his fingers curling against his palm. It took so much restraint for him to not turn around and reach for her. "You're here and that's all you need to know."

She was silent, but her scent filled him even with mere distance in between. The roses that twined inside of Kaneki, tethering him to her, only sent a surge of frustration to his core. With her silence, he dared himself to turn to look at her.

Those red eyes were lowered, her fingers digging into the cushion of the couch. Even from where he stood, Kaneki recognized that shimmer in Hanami's eyes. It was a look of resignation; whatever fate she was thinking was in store while she was here with him was no doubt clouding her mind. She was silent for what felt like an eternity before she spoke.

"Are you going to eat me?"

Kaneki didn't realize he was trembling until he realized his hands were shaking at Hanami's question. Her eyes rose to meet his as she let the question linger, her lips set in a line. She was waiting for an answer.

He didn't grant her that. Instead, he turned and walked out of the warehouse, slamming the door behind him and locking it from the outside. Hanami's fingers buried deeper against the cushion, a hollowness taking over her from within. She was trapped in this warehouse on the ultimatum that Kaneki would find her and bring her back. She knew he would without an inch of doubt. She followed him without hesitation, even when his grip on her was bruising, even with the fear thrumming through her veins. She followed him despite all that told her not to.

Hanami brought her knees up to her chest, pressing her forehead against them.

* * *

 _Fingers gripped her throat in a vice grip as she struggled beneath the woman. Tears streamed down her face as she tried to scream, tried to breathe. The woman glared down at the child with dark, manic eyes, her lips twisted into a snarl. Her other hand was raised, clenching the handle of the butcher knife as the blade glinted in the light._

" _Mommy!" The little girl struggled, her small hands clawing at the woman's wrist. "Mommy, please, I can't breathe!"_

" _Such ugly eyes. The eyes of a demon! You are no child of mine!" The woman shrieked, her shaking hand bringing down the knife with force as the child screamed—_

Hanami screamed, her hands flying to shield her face. Hands closed on her wrists, trying to keep her still, but Hanami only fought harder against the restraints. Her throat burned from her screaming and tears burned behind her eyelids; she couldn't let it happen again, not ever again—

"Hanami." There was a pressure against her body, a familiar voice murmuring her name in her ear. The hold on her wrists loosened just a bit, but kept them pinned in her struggle. "Wake up."

Hanami exhaled shakily, her eyes opening as she ceased her struggle.

Kaneki hovered above her, his grey eyes narrowed. Nothing in his visage suggested any form of concern and yet Hanami could feel it in his grip on her wrists. "You were having a nightmare?" he asked softly. Narrowing her eyes, Hanami tugged her wrists from his grip. "That isn't your concern," she answered, placing her hands against his chest. "Get off of me."

"A change in behavior. That's sudden." Despite the dryness of his tone, Kaneki heeded Hanami's request, moving off of her. He glanced at her. "You were screaming. I thought…"

"Thought what?" Hanami asked pointedly, crossing her arms over her chest. "You told me to forget about you. You still haven't answered why you brought me here."

"Why is my reason so important to you?"

"Maybe because I haven't seen you for months."

Kaneki averted his eyes and stood up, walking toward the window. He was silent as he stared out to the vastness of Tokyo. "I thought I was doing the right thing by staying away, Hanami," he said softly. "The less you thought of me, the better."

"That's not something friends do, Kaneki," replied Hanami sharply, glaring at his back. "Friends don't just disappear for months and not once think that it would be better for someone to forget about them."

"Were we friends, though?" The questions stopped her cold. Kaneki hadn't turned to look at her, but Hanami could sense it again. That aura Kaneki had back when he was at Kamii, the loneliness that surrounded him, was enough to chill her to the marrow. "We spoke a handful of times. Not once have we ever hung out as friends do. Can you say we ever have been?"

"That's a cruel thing to say, Kaneki, and you know it. If that's how you really feel, then why am I here? Why the fuck do you want me here?" The words spewed from Hanami like acid, her eyes narrowing at the white-haired male. She never expected the response.

Kaneki towered over her, his hand at her neck. She couldn't breathe nor could she see anywhere but Kaneki's eyes-but his eyes were something that she never expected. One eye remained the grey iris she knew, but the other; the other was the red eye of a ghoul. Her breath was caught quite literally in her throat as Kaneki drew closer, his lips the barest centimeters from hers. "You're **mine** ," he growled, his breath fanning across her lips and sending a shiver down her spine. "If I leave you out there, who knows what would happen? Would you end up being devoured by another ghoul? Would someone else take you away from me? **I can't have that, Hanami.** "

Kaneki's fingers tightened on Hanami's throat, fingertips digging into the soft flesh and Hanami gasped, her fingers grabbing at his wrist. Her mind flashed to a time before, a time that haunted her nightmares and caused her to close her eyes. _Not again, I can't endure this again!_

She wasn't aware that tears were coursing down her cheeks until she felt Kaneki's lips against her cheek, catching the droplets. The pressure on her throat was relieved and she opened her eyes. "Kaneki?" she whispered, keeping her hold on his wrist.

His free arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her close. "Don't be scared. Not you. Please," he sighed, nuzzling his face into Hanami's neck. "I won't hurt you."

Hanami didn't dare move lest she incur Kaneki's sudden change in mood. Kaneki's fingers threaded through her hair as he inhaled deeply, the scent of roses filling him. His hold tightened on her as his eyes slid shut. "Hey, Hanami. You smell so nice," he purred.

"Kaneki, are you…are you a ghoul?" asked Hanami, tilting her head.

"Don't." Kaneki's grip was bruising, just as when he brought her here. He pulled away from her neck, almost reluctantly, and he gazed at her. Hanami shivered at the look in Kaneki's eyes. She couldn't place it, but it was far from the gaze she remembered from months past—and even recently. The gentleness was there, but there was something else: _longing_.

His hands found her face and, suddenly, his mouth was on hers.

Hanami could barely breathe as Kaneki's lips moved against hers, devouring her mouth. Her lungs burned as he pinned her down, biting down on her lower lip hard enough to draw blood. Hanami gasped against his lips and Kaneki took advantage of it; he forced his tongue into her mouth, tasting her blood and twining it around hers. His fingers held her fast, keeping her in place as he deepened the ruthless kiss. Hanami's vision blurred, her mind hazing, as her body struggled against Kaneki's to get air. Her eyes fluttered as everything faded into white.

Kaneki broke the kiss, his lips stained with droplets of Hanami's blood. He tilted his head, his gaze fixated on the unconscious girl in his arms, his kakugan still activated after tasting such a sweet flavor. He cradled Hanami's body close, gently placing a hand on the back of her head to rest it against the crook of his neck. His fingers threaded through the strands as he watched the light-brown color catching in the light. "So pretty," Kaneki murmured, twirling a few strands around his index and middle fingers. "I'm sure others have noticed that, Hanami."

The thumb of his free hand brushed against the wound inflicted on Hanami's lower lip, smearing the blood. Kaneki rest his head against Hanami's, holding her close as he inhaled deeply. "You smell so good, Hanami, so much that I could eat you right now and you won't feel a thing."

His fingers cinched in her hair.

 _But I want you to_ **feel everything.**


	7. To Shreds

Mizuki Yuna clutched her cellphone to her chest, her brows drawn, as she stood in front of Anteiku. She had been calling and texting Hanami to no avail and concern was brewing inside of her. Inhaling sharply, Yuna ran up the stairs and pushed the door open. A chorus of "welcome" met her ears, but Yuna was looking for one worker in particular.

"Can I help you…huh? Mizuki?" A familiar male voice drew Yuna's attention and her teal eyes widened at the head of dirty blonde hair. "Nishio? I didn't know you worked here," she said.

"Surprise, surprise." Nishio Nishiki planted a hand against his hip. "Don't you usually come here with your friend? What's her name? Makine Hanami?"

"That's why I'm here," Yuna said, biting on her on her lower lip. "Hanami's been M.I.A and she hasn't answered my calls or texts. Did she drop by here recently?"

"I haven't seen her."

"Do you think Touka has?"

"That brat? Probably, but she has the day off today."

"Damn it," Yuna growled, her hands curling into fists. "Hanami could have gotten hurt and I have no idea where she is!"

Nishio raised an eyebrow, looking at a fellow university student. "Why are you always glued to that girl? She's allowed to be by herself for a while, isn't she?" he asked. Yuna shook her head, sighing heavily. "You don't know Hanami, Nishio. I've known her for ages and I've had to keep her safe from a lot of shit. If she's in trouble now, I need to find her and keep her safe," she answered.

"Safe from what, exactly?"

"Nishio, if you ever saw Hanami's eyes, you'd understand."

Nishio's expression was stone as he took in Yuna's visage. Mizuki Yuna was as perceptive and bouncy, well known at Kamii for her positive energy. The sudden change in Yuna's mood was disconcerting. "How about this, Mizuki. If I see Makine, I'll give you a call," he offered.

"Thanks, Nishio. Relay to Touka, too, will you?" Yuna replied, looking at her phone screen. "Hopefully, I hear from Hanami soon, though." She shook her head with a wry laugh before heading toward the door. "See you around, Nishio. Give my love to Kimi, yeah?"

"Sure." Nishio nodded, watching as Yuna walked out of Anteiku. Koma wiped at a cup nonchalantly, his eyes on his task. "Friend from school?" he asked.

Nishio sighed heavily. "You don't think Kaneki did anything, do you?"

"He hasn't been by here in a while, Nishio. What would he have to do with why that girl was here?"

 _A lot more than you think,_ Nishio thought, but he remained silent.

* * *

A warm scent slowly roused Hanami from her sleep and she slowly pushed herself upright on the sofa. Ruby eyes flickered to the white-haired male that held out a steaming cup to her. "I made you coffee," murmured Kaneki, his eyes averted from hers.

Hanami raised an eyebrow, her hands reaching cautiously for the cup. Her middle and index fingers curled around the cup's handle while her free palm pressed against the bottom, feeling the heat from the scalding liquid. "You didn't put anything in this, did you?" she asked, keeping her eyes on Kaneki.

"Two creams and two sugars. Isn't that how you normally take your coffee?" Kaneki turned around so that Hanami looked at his back. Surprise rocked Hanami to her core that she almost dropped the cup Kaneki handed to her. "How did you…? I only drank coffee around you once on campus and told you about that in passing," she whispered, her brows drawn over her eyes.

"I remembered, that's all." Kaneki's answer was simple, precise, but he hadn't turned to meet her eyes. Hanami's heart lurched violently. Had her feelings possibly have been returned before all of this, before Kaneki disappeared for months and reappeared into her life as though no time passed? He remembered that minute nuance about her; surely the Kaneki she remembered was still in there, underneath the person he was trying to be.

Hanami looked at the steaming liquid before taking a sip, the coffee burning down her throat before hitting her empty stomach. How long had she been in this warehouse with Kaneki? How long had it been since she actually ate anything?

Kaneki must have been wondering the same thing. "I'm going out to hunt. Do you need anything while I'm gone?" he asked, walking toward the door. Hanami gripped the cup's handle, her eyes following Kaneki. "Preferably clothes, but food and…other things are needed," she answered.

Kaneki paused, taking in her words, before nodding briskly. Not once had he made eye contact with her. "Finish your coffee to at least keep something in your stomach. I'll bring something for you to eat too."

Hanami tried to press her lips together, but she flinched, pain searing her lower lip. She remembered then. Before she passed out, Kaneki had her in his arms, his lips against hers; a fierce blush heated Hanami's cheeks before she remembered his behavior before that—would she call it a kiss? It felt so one-sided.

"I'll be back." Kaneki's voice was so soft, so _cold_ , that Hanami barely registered that he breathed a word, much less had walked out of the warehouse and locked her in. She lifted a finger to her lip, the tip of her index and middle finger touching her bottom lip, feeling the bite marks left from before. Ruby eyes gazed into a vague middle distance as her fingers rubbed against the marks that swelled her lip as Hanami thought about the sheer ferocity in how Kaneki had kissed her. He hadn't given her time to react and his words had sent chills down her spine.

 _You're mine,_ Kaneki had told her and Hanami had to suppress another shudder and downed another gulp of coffee. _You aren't a masochist, get yourself together,_ she chided herself, a surge of frustration brewing inside of her. The action was uncalled for; all of this wasn't what she wanted at all. She wanted to see Kaneki again, but not like this. Not in this way, where she was essentially his prisoner. He hadn't answered Hanami on whether he was a ghoul or not, but if he could find her in a crowd at Kamii or in a dark alley about to be killed by another ghoul, there was no other option she could think of.

 _Had he always been this way?_ Hanami barely felt the cup's handle slip from her fingers and shatter against the dusty floor, the remnants of the coffee staining the concrete. Her mind was jumbled, mixing the kind Kaneki of her school days with the stranger she was trapped with now. She could no longer figure out who Kaneki Ken was.

* * *

After completing another of her tasks, Yuna stood in front of Hanami's door, her palm pressed against the surface. Her teal eyes glimmered with worry and frustration. How could her friend just suddenly disappear? Especially when Yuna made it her mission to protect Hanami, a promise she kept ever since they were children. Sighing, Yuna pressed her forehead against the door.

A soft noise pricked her ears and her nerves snapped to attention. Slowly, Yuna turned her head to press her ear against the door's surface and held her breath. There were noises of something opening and closing, coming from inside Hanami's apartment. _Was she home after all?_

Yuna suddenly remembered the spare key. If Hanami was ever sick, she had the spare key made for Yuna to come in and check on her however she pleased. Carefully, she reached into her pocket, pulling out her keyring. She knew the key to Hanami's apartment at a glance; Yuna had marked it with a red marker. She held the key between her thumb and index finger, fitting it into the lock. Gulping, heart racing, Yuna twisted the key, hearing the soft _click_ of the lock as she gripped the doorknob with her free hand. With a sharp intake of breath between her teeth, Yuna turned the knob and slowly pushed the door open.

It happened so fast; Yuna was suddenly yanked inside, the door slamming shut and her back colliding with the surface with enough force to knock the wind from her lungs. A hand pressed hard against her throat with crushing intent that tears blurred Yuna's eyes. Forcing herself to blink away the tears, Yuna forced her eyes to focus.

She could barely let out a scream as she stared into the solitary kakugan of a white-haired individual. A mask covered half of their face, a sight she couldn't even dream up in her most disturbing nightmares that sent fear pumping her heart from a gallop into a thunderstorm. She struggled beneath their grip, trying to take in air while her lungs begged for a reprieve.

Yuna's eyes bounced around the apartment, at the rummaged drawers full of Hanami's belongings. Her throat burned, a coppery taste rising in her throat, as she thrust her hand out to catch the intruder's eye only to miss by a centimeter. Saliva gathered beneath the tip of her tongue before dribbling at the corners of her mouth, but Yuna paid no heed. "Where is she?" she choked out, gritting her teeth. "Where's Hanami, you son of a bitch? If you hurt her, I'll-"

The grip on her throat tightened and black danced on the edge of Yuna's vision and a strangled growl tore from her lips. Her fingers strained to reach any part of the intruder that wasn't their arm, her eyes manic as she was on the cusp of unconsciousness. _I can't give up, not yet! This bastard knows where she is, I know it! Hana-chan needs me!_

Her body was heavy as lead, black enveloping her vision.

* * *

He wasn't taking any chances.

He had gotten what he needed from Hanami's apartment, but he hadn't counted on being interrupted in the middle of gathering what was necessary for Hanami. And of all people…

 _It had to be Mizuki Yuna._

Though rendering her unconscious, Yuna had no reason to listen to him; she would turn him in. Hanami would be taken from him. _**I can't have that**_ _._

Growling, Kaneki unlocked the warehouse door, throwing the dead weight of the unconscious ravenette inside, hearing Hanami shriek with shock, before walking inside and shutting the door. The white-haired ghoul removed his mask and dropped the bag that was slung over his shoulder, his eyes narrowed with bloodlust. He hadn't eaten yet; but he will.

"Yuna!" Hanami was on the floor, cradling the unconscious girl in her names and gently shaking her. "Yuna, are you okay?"

Yuna stirred, her eyes blinking, but she was still disoriented. That would work in his favor; Kaneki would rather she didn't fight him again. Hanami's ruby eyes fixed on his form as he moved toward the two. "Kaneki, why is she here? Why did you bring her here?" she asked.

"She saved me the trouble of hunting," he answered coldly, his eyes narrowing into mere slits. Hanami's eyes widened, her grip on Yuna tightening. "You can't be serious? She's my friend, Kaneki! She has nothing to do with this!" she cried.

"Hana...chan?" Yuna's voice was soft, her hand rising slowly to Hanami's cheek. "You're okay. I was so worried."

"This makes it easier." Kaneki reached forward, jerking Yuna from Hanami's grasp. He flipped the ravenette on her stomach, planting his knee against her back. Yuna squirmed violently beneath him; surely, adrenaline had shocked her into awareness. "What are you doing?" she gasped.

"Kaneki, don't!" Hanami was on her knees, ready to crawl to her friend with red eyes brimming with tears. "Don't! Yuna is my important friend, my _best friend_! Just let her go!" she begged.

"Kaneki?" Yuna breathed out, turning her head enough to see Kaneki from her periphery. A growl rumbled from Kaneki's throat before he slammed Yuna's head against the warehouse floor, hard enough to render her unconscious once more. A light smattering of blood stained the concrete from the force of his strength, though it would be dyed crimson soon enough.

"Yuna!" Hanami's voice was rising, her fear so palpable that Kaneki could taste it in the air. His eyes fixed on his flower, watching the despair tinting those red irises that sent a thrill of anxiety and carnal pleasure surging inside of him. "Kaneki," Hanami whispered, her voice broken. "Kaneki, please. Don't hurt her. She's precious to me, just like Nagachika is for you. _Please_."

Kaneki's molars snapped together, glaring at Hanami. _Did she dare?_

"You're right," he replied coldly. "Hide is my precious person. Do you know what happened to him?"

Hanami was frozen in place, her gaze on Kaneki as her complexion paled. He grabbed handfuls of Yuna's hair, yanking the unconscious girl's head back. Anger licked at his blood at the hopefulness underneath the growing despair in Hanami's eyes. _She can't leave me, she_ **won't** _leave me_ , he thought furiously, his fingers cinching tighter in Yuna's hair. Hanami was crawling closer, her movements so minute that Kaneki was sure she thought that he wouldn't notice.

Kaneki yanked Yuna's head back as far as possible before diving to the girl's neck, his teeth digging into her soft flesh before jerking his head violently back. Hanami's scream rang in the air, the sound melodious to his ears and sending an avalanche of chills down his spine. He swallowed the hunk of flesh, blood, and muscle that eased the burning in his throat—but only a bit. Hanami scrambled toward them, her hand reaching for Kaneki to push him off of Yuna, but he snatched Hanami by her hair, fisting a handful of the long strands in his hand. He brought his face close to hers, eyes piercing hers.

" _I devoured him_. Just like I'm going to devour Mizuki Yuna to make sure that no one takes you from me." Kaneki shoved Hanami away ruthlessly, watching as she fell onto her side. "Now shut up and watch."

"Kaneki." Hanami's voice was a mere whisper, a broken sound. "Don't."

He paid no heed to her request. Not this time.

He tore into Mizuki Yuna's body; blood spraying from dismembered limbs, torn skin, and broken bone. Hanami was screaming at the top of her lungs as Kaneki tore into bleeding, succulent flesh. His mind focused solely on feeding, his hungers primal as his hands were stained to the bones.

"Yuna! _Yuna_!" Hanami's voice was a crescendo of agony and Kaneki was aware of her scrambling to her feet and rushing at him again with the futile attempt to save her friend. _It's too late now._

" _ **Kaneki,**_ **STOP**!" Kaneki's guard was dropped for only a moment; Hanami's hand collided against his cheek, knocking him from his feast and the brunette fell to her knees next to the torn corpse of her friend, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Yuna…oh, my God, Yuna…" she whispered, her shaking hands rising to cover her mouth. The ends of her hair were becoming soaked with Yuna's blood. Kaneki rubbed at his cheek where Hanami had struck before getting to his feet, moving like a silent phantom so that he stood behind her.

Hanami's body trembled, wracked with sobs she was desperate to release, and Kaneki knelt behind her. He wrapped his arms around her, his movements slow and gentle, and Hanami writhed with a wail, struggling to get out of his grip. "Let me go!" she shrieked, flailing her arms to loosen Kaneki's grip. "Goddammit, Kaneki, let me _**go**_!"

Kaneki snatched Hanami's wrists with one hand and seized her face with the other, jerking so that she faced him before he clamped his mouth atop of hers. The taste of blood mingled with the sweet flavor he associated with the trembling, struggling female he had in his grip. His tongue twined with hers, sharing the taste of blood— _her best friend's blood_. The scent of her tears was strong and Kaneki could see the true extent of the despair in her eyes.

A sharp pain shot through his tongue and Kaneki jerked back. The corner of Hanami's lips were stained with Yuna's blood—and his own. A wry smirk curved Kaneki's lips as he kept his grip tight on Hanami. She barely moved now, as if she knew it was futile to even attempt to fight now.

 _Such a good girl._ "So much fight in you for your friend. Do you understand why I did this now?" he asked softly.

"I… **hate** you. **I hate you** ," Hanami growled, her ruby eyes giving way to carnal fury as she chanted the same words over and over.

His smirk deepening, Kaneki pressed his lips against the column of Hanami's neck. "Don't worry, Hanami," he purred. " _I hate me too._ "


	8. the LIAR and the HANGMAN

_Y'all have been patient with me. And I'm sure the last chapter was a bit WHOA. But this one is where the action begins._

* * *

Hanami bolted upright, her chest heaving as she struggled to breathe. Moonlight streamed through the windows as sweat trickled down her temple, chills raising goosebumps on her skin, and she wrapped her arms around herself. Did she dream up that whole thing? There was no way Kaneki had brought Yuna here only to—

"You're awake." Hanami jumped at the sound of Kaneki's voice, at how smooth and emotionless it was, as he gazed at her from where he stood at the end of the couch. Wordlessly, he moved to sit at the end of the sofa, his grey eyes on Hanami. She brought her knees to her chest, keeping her eyes on him in case he made any sudden movements. Kaneki must have seen right through her; he shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. "I must have scared you. I usually don't feed in front of people…like that," he murmured.

 _Feed._ Hanami's eyes drifted toward the floor where the faintest stain of blood remained and bile rose in her throat. Her body shuddered so violently that she felt she had not dreamt up the situation; Kaneki had eaten Yuna in front of her. "Why?" she whispered, feeling tears prick at her eyes.

Kaneki raised an eyebrow. "Why what?"

"Why did you kill Yuna in front me?" Hanami forced her gaze back to Kaneki, to see his expression contort to confusion.

"What are you talking about, Hanami? I didn't bring Yuna here."

Hanami's eyes widened at his words. "What do you mean? I-I saw her. I saw you…" _I saw you_ _ **eating**_ _her!_

"That's why you were screaming her name," Kaneki sighed, pressing a hand to his forehead. "I brought food back for me. You just started screaming and coming at me, which I want you to never do again." Those last words held the barest hint of a warning, something that had Hanami convinced that Kaneki would have devoured her like that as well. He continued. "I won't lie, I think Yuna almost caught me in your apartment; but I didn't bring her here."

"You didn't…You hadn't?" Hanami bit her lip, unease tightening her heart in a vice grip. If Kaneki hadn't eaten Yuna, then what on Earth had she seen…?

Hanami was drowning in her thoughts, barely noticing Kaneki's movements before she felt a hand press against her cheek, drawing her attention to him. Kaneki's eyes softened slightly, his thumb brushing gently against her skin. "I wouldn't hurt you that way, Hanami. Yuna is your best friend," he murmured, leaning in to press his lips gently against her forehead. "If I had done that, you'd never forgive me, would you?"

Hanami flinched away from Kaneki's touch, shifting her body to be as far as physically able from him. She missed the hurt that flashed in the grey irises that watched her every move, taking in every minute detail. Sighing, Kaneki moved back to his prior position. "You don't believe me," he said coolly.

"You've been keeping me here, Kaneki. There's no use keeping me here, so just let me go."

"I can't do that."

"Why?"

"You know exactly why."

The oddly obstinate responses only made the coil of unease form into a noose around Hanami's heart. Kaneki had forced a kiss on her twice now; he had proclaimed that she belonged to him. Yuna would have definitely found any able way to have Hanami taken away from Kaneki with gusto. Kaneki would definitely see her as enemy number one. Hanami pressed her forehead against her knees, her chest becoming full with sobs and yet she wasn't entirely sure what the source of her tears were.

She could sense Kaneki moving, but he paused for a few heartbeats before retreating. She could feel his weight off of the sofa and his footsteps heading toward the door, hearing the door creak open and then shut with the latch locking. He had gone. Hanami lifted her head, her eyes averting to the door. Her heart hammered up to her throat, where it was caught, her body trembling from fear, confusion, or both.

 _Kaneki wouldn't lie to me…right?_

* * *

It had been making headlines all evening. The CCG was looking into a case of a missing Kamii university student. The news anchors, with their stoic expressions and monotonous voices, reported of a student who had seemed to vanish into thin air—and that the CCG believed it was related to a ghoul attack.

Hinami sat on the sofa, her eyes glued on the screen, while Touka studied in her room. The CCG brought memories of her mother's death at the hand of Doves. _Kaneki-nii was with me then_ , she thought, an aching sadness at how Kaneki was no longer at Anteiku with everyone, at how he hadn't come to help her with learning the words in her favorite books.

At the same time, she remembered the older boy fondly, and Hinami wondered if the CCG was investigating Kaneki's missing person case and the connection to Rize.

Until they showed the photograph of the missing student.

Hinami was on her feet, moving quickly as blood pounded in her ears, as she threw Touka's door opening, startling the older ghoul. Touka frowned, pushing her chair back and getting to her feet. "Hinami? What's wrong?" she asked. Words caught in her throat, Hinami darted in to grab Touka by the wrist and pulled her to the living. With her free hand, she pointed to the television screen.

Touka froze, her eyes widening, fixated on the photograph as her mind centered on the anchor's words.

 _"…The CCG have reason to believe that Makine Hanami, the missing student from Kamii, may have been a victim of an alleyway attack as her blood was left at the scene near the corpse of a ghoul…"_

"Touka," Hinami murmured, finding her voice. "That's the girl that came to see you. The one that oniichan…" She trailed off and Touka forced herself to look at her. Hinami was still staring at the television, but Touka knew she wouldn't forget the red-eyed girl's face. Of course Hinami would remember that Kaneki would talk about when he chatted with the brunette; before Rize, she was all he talked about when he and Hide would come to Anteiku. Even afterwards, Kaneki brought her up with a guilty voice when he spoke of hiding his becoming a ghoul from her.

Touka had seen the girl with her friend in Anteiku after Kaneki broke away from her and the others. There was a glimmer in Hanami's eyes when she talked about Kaneki—

 _Kaneki._ Touka's eyes widened. Hanami had said Kaneki had saved her from a ghoul and, as soon as Hinami interrupted their conversation, she was out of the door. That was last time Touka had seen her. Nishiki had told her in passing that Hanami's friend—a classmate of his, it seemed—had requested she be notified if either of them saw the brunette.

But a chill ran up Touka's spine. _Kaneki, what did you do?_

* * *

Amon Koutaro looked through what little files he had on the Eyepatch ghoul. He likely wouldn't have done so if it weren't for the young woman who had stumbled into the CCG, tracking blood on the pristine floors, and her face utterly pale from blood loss. She had demanded to speak with an investigator and Amon and Akira had happened to be there. Akira commanded that medical transport arrived, but the teenager had brushed Akira's words aside and looked Amon in the eyes.

He recognized the girl immediately; his habit of trying to remember names was undoubtedly convenient at this time and she had been in the building before.

Mizuki Yuna, daughter of deceased investigator Mizuki Tsu. She had been in the CCG headquarters earlier, concerned that her friend may have been attacked; that was what she had told a CCG employee.

When she had return a few hours later, it seemed as though something ran itself through Yuna's body. She was gasping for air, her hand pressing against the wound, and Amon had caught her when her knees gave out. She looked at him, straight into his dark eyes. "Amon-san," she choked out. "It…it was the Eyepatch."

That had shocked the investigator to his core, even when Yuna proceeded to tell him that she had gone to the apartment of her missing friend, Makine Hanami, and found the Eyepatch ghoul. He had ran her through with a bare hand and left her there. Amon watched as the light faded from Yuna's teal eyes, even when they still shone with unshed tears.

"I promised…I promised to protect her," were Yuna's final words before her eyes closed amid Akira's rising voice demanding for some sort of medical transport and other investigators swarming to them.

But Amon felt that Yuna knew she wasn't going to make it.

However, the name Makine Hanami had come up in recent ghoul investigation. Her blood was found in an alleyway, mingling with the blood of a dead ghoul. No one knew what could have killed the ghoul and there was no trail of blood to even indicate if the girl was alive.

 _But Eyepatch was in that missing girl's apartment._

It couldn't be possible; however, Amon couldn't rule it out. Staring at the computer screen, his mind on how a dying girl was concerned about a broken promise and how she could have made it to the CCG without causing a commotion within the general public, he pondered on one thing and one thing alone.

How were the Eyepatch ghoul and Makine Hanami connected?

* * *

It had been hours.

Kaneki Ken had been gone for hours and Hanami's throat was tightening in her own silent suffocation. She stubbornly clung to not believing she was worried. Kaneki always came back to this warehouse; he'd never left her alone if he could avoid it since he had brought her here. She lay on the sofa, staring at nothing and listening to no sound except the beating of her own feeble heart. Light-brown strands hung in her vision, her eyelids feeling heavy. Her teeth furrowed into her lower lip. _Stay awake…_

She couldn't afford to sleep in this place; she had to be on her guard, had to figure out how to get Kaneki to release her.

 _"You look like you've been hit by a truck; you couldn't take your eyes off of him!"_

Yuna's laughing voice sang across Hanami's memory of that one day, and she could already feel the seductive call of oblivion. A yearning like she had never known seared her heart in two; she slowly rolled onto her back, the pain growing stronger. Her eyes slid closed, her emotional strength depleting, the exhaustion deeply rooted into her bones. What she would give just to have everything return to how it was before, where she and Yuna were at school; where Yuna would subtly flirt with Nagachika; where Hanami would talk to Kaneki about trivial things while she waited for Yuna's class to end for something also so trivial…

* * *

 _The knife clattered onto the tile floor, her body frozen as blood rained onto fragile flesh. The child barely let out a breath as the wet sounds of flesh being torn hung in the air. She slowly turned her head toward the sound, feeling the blood slowly trickling down her cheek, her blood-red eyes widening._

 _Her mother's body was thrown across the room, another body atop hers, the head buried into her chest as wet chewing reached the girl's ears._

" _M…Mommy…?"_

 _The figure bent over her mother raised their head, eyes a glowing red._

 _ **Just like my eyes.**_

 _They were moving closer to her, the smell of blood stinging her nostrils and tears blurred the child's vision. A sob was caught in her throat, but the little girl was too frightened to even let out a sound._

 _A bloody hand reached for her and the girl flinched, the tears bursting free and mixing with the blood on her cheek. Fingers caressed her cheek, blood slicking the fragile flesh as those red eyes peered at her, the face obscured in darkness._

" _Don't cry, little one. She won't hurt you again."_

" _Hiya!" A dark-haired girl beamed the most radiant smile she had ever seen, occupying the swing beside her in a warm, summer day. A large design of a sunflower was stamped on the pocket of the ravenette's jumper and her white shoes, once pristine, were dusty with dirt. The girl's teal eyes glittered with mischief. "I'm Yuna. Mizuki Yuna!"_

 _The little girl blinked, her face a mask of stone as she tilted her head, strands of light-brown hair fell over her shoulder. "Yuna?" she repeated in a soft voice, barely a whisper on the wind._

" _Mhm!" Yuna's grin widened as she used her feet to push herself to begin swinging. There was a beautiful energy about this stranger that the brunette found herself slightly jealous of her. The ravenette, oblivious to the girl's internal emotion, chirped on. "And you are?"_

 _She lowered her eyes to her feet, her shoes scuffing on the group as she tried to push herself on the swing, her lips parting just slightly. "Makine...Hanami," she murmured, her hair a shield. Her eyes were easy to miss for others at first glance._

" _Hanami, huh? Doesn't that mean "beautiful flower"?" asked Yuna, getting to her feet to stand in front of Hanami._

" _M-Mhm." Hanami hummed in assent, raising her eyes to Yuna's face. If she was going to stand there, then she would see the eyes that Hanami was born with…_

" _Wow!" Yuna's eyes widened, but fear didn't twist her expression._

 _Instead she giggled, her smile stretched to its limit that Hanami was sure her face would break._

" _Your eyes are really pretty!"_

" _ **Your eyes are really pretty."**_

 **Another voice said those same words years later…**

 _She was looking at him now, his grey eyes wide as he realized what he had just said, laying his book flat on the tabletop. She could feel her blood zooming, hear her heart beating inside of her chest, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from him. This quiet boy, a complete foil to his enthusiastic friend, couldn't seem to tear his eyes from her for a moment as well. He averted them, a light pink blush dusting his cheeks as he tried to clear his throat. She opened her mouth to say something, but then…_

" _ **DEVIL! SUCH DISGUSTING EYES!"**_

 _ **Someone else said otherwise…**_

 _Hands grasped at her throat, so tightly just as before. Her body was a horribly mangled corpse, but Hanami could see the dark, manic eyes of her mother, hanging from their sockets, glaring at her. She tried to scream, just like before, just like_ _ **last time**_ _; but unlike before, no one was coming to save her. Her mother's lipless mouth was agape, her shrill voice shrieking obscenities and curses that she had always known._

 _ **I can't breathe…**_

" _Hey Hana-chan?" Yuna's voice whispered at her ear and Hanami could feel the hands on her throat disappear as she was embraced from behind. "You know I'll always protect you, right?" she asked softly._

" _Of course I know. You've been protecting me since elementary school," Hanami heard herself answer._

" _And I always will, even right now."_

 **Right now?**

" _You won't be hurt ever again."_

 _ **My chest hurts…**_

 _ **What is this pain?**_

" _Your heart's mine, isn't it?"_

 _She looked down to see a hand inside of her chest, stained crimson with blood._

 _ **My blood.**_

 _Her eyes flew up to mismatched eyes; one grey and one a kakugan. He was slowly pulling his hand from her chest and she could see her heart beating feebly in his grip before he brought it to his lips and took a bite._

 _He couldn't be like this. This wasn't him._

 _She could feel pieces of her heart pulsing in his mouth and she could no longer scream._

* * *

Kaneki returned back to the warehouse, his grey eyes cold. He had gone to clear his head, watching Tokyo from the rooftops of buildings as humans and ghouls mingled, one species oblivious of the close proximity of the other. He couldn't afford to be so reckless; if he lost control, he could injure Hanami. He threw himself back into her life and expected her to be at ease. She was constantly asking him why he had brought her to the warehouse, why he needed her at his side and he wanted her to realize that he was not going to let anyone take her away.

The air inside of the warehouse would hum while Hanami was awake; the stillness was unusual. Closing the door, he inhaled before walking toward the sofa. His eyes fell on Hanami's sleeping form strewn across it.

But something was wrong.

Her face was twisted as though she were in pain, tears beading at the corners of her eyes. Sweat glistened from her forehead to her neck as she tossed her head to the side. Frowning, Kaneki laid a hand against Hanami's cheek, a habit now with being in her immediate presence. He could feel her trembling and it ceased at his touch, her eyes opening slightly.

She was looking at him. _But she also wasn't._

Her eyes blurred with tears and a thin, delicate trail streaking down her cheek. Her lips parted slightly, her hand reaching out to him. Her fingers crazed his cheek, her touch so warm that Kaneki would have lost his resolve and just close himself inside this warehouse just to stay beside her.

"Are you the one?" Hanami whispered, her voice so soft, but sounding so broken. "You saved me, didn't you?"

Kaneki leaned against Hanami's fingers, his lips pressed in a tight line.

"You're the one who killed my mother, right?"

He recoiled, shock awakening every nerve inside of him. His heart skipped several beats as his eyes widened. "What did you just say?"

Hanami wasn't completely here; she was off in some distant place, ghosting through some distant memory. The red eyes he found so beautiful back when he was just human were glassy, unfocused. Her fingers fell from his face, her arm dangling off the edge of the sofa, as her eyes slid close. A shudder jolted through him and Kaneki forced himself to pull away, to not touch her.

 _What did she mean by that_? What had happened to Hanami's mother? How did the woman who birthed the girl with bewitching eyes die? He turned away, his thoughts twining and twisting before he realized.

He had no idea who Makine Hanami truly was.


	9. Screaming Darkness

_She hasn't woken up yet._ That thought plagued him, enough to warrant his attention.

Kaneki frowned softly in concern as he gazed at the sleeping Hanami. Her expression had been twisted by some unknown nightmares that plagued her, enough so that when she opened her eyes for just that moment…

 _"You're the one who killed my mother, right?"_

It was the first time Hanami had mentioned some semblance of a family. Kaneki racked his brain, trying to recall if anyone brought up a portion of Hanami's past; but all he could remember was when they first met, when he let her borrow a book she showed interest in because she hadn't had the opportunity to dive into stories as a child.

Pressing the back of his fingers against Hanami's cheek, Kaneki exhaled softly. Hanami would have flinched away at his touch had she been conscious, just as she did the night before. His heart lurched at the notion of seeing the fear shadowing behind the ruby eyes he immersed himself within, the wound aggravated further at how she had curled away from him, a fragile flower withdrawing its petals. Kaneki stroked the soft flesh of the caged girl who lay vulnerable before his eyes. "Just who _are_ you, Makine Hanami?" he whispered softly, grey eyes raw with curiosity. His fingers drifted to thread through tangled, light-brown locks, twining a strand around his index finger. _Even after all this time…I don't know you at all, do I?_

Hanami barely stirred, her expression softening from its agonized state, oblivious to how close the male ghoul was too her. Kaneki would rather endure years of excruciating torture before he allowed a single bruise to mar Hanami's pale flesh. She was a vivid center of his former life, before Rize, before the transplant, before…right now.

 _"You can call me Hana-chan if you want to; I don't mind very much."_

How far away that memory was, the day they met. Kaneki could still feel the nervousness eating away at him when he first laid eyes on the ruby-eyed brunette, who appeared equally nervous at the time. He was no longer the timid male from times past, the self that Hanami knew; his sense of self _now_ knew what he wanted to protect, knew who he wanted at his side—and he took her.

 _Did she really want to go with me?_ Kaneki knew he shouldn't be, but suddenly he found himself second-guessing. He all but nearly forced Hanami to come with him to this warehouse, had kept her here with not even the barest of inclinations of letting her go. He'd rather grip the fragile flower tightly in his bloodstained hands than let her be plucked by another's.

Hanami wanted to be close to him; he had told himself that repeatedly. She wanted to be close to him, why else would she go to Anteiku? Why else would she cling to some fragile hope that he wasn't dead? Why else was it so hard for him to leave her in her apartment after witnessing the attack that would have taken her away? Why was it hard to let her go when her tears were shed for him— _because_ of him?

 _"It's because you want to eat her, isn't it? That way she could be a part of you too."_ Echoes of Rize's voice rang in Kaneki's mind that he jerked his hand away from Hanami. The female ghoul's laughter nearly shattered his skull before her voice purred, _"You couldn't resist her scent as soon as you smelled her blood. Who can blame you~? She looks so delicious and now she's all for you!"_

 _ **No.**_ Kaneki snarled at the voice in his mind, refusing to remember how he was absolutely salivating at the smell of Hanami's blood, refusing to recall how his tongue dragged along the edge of his teeth as he ached to sink them into Hanami's soft, pliant body.

 _"Then rip into her. Tear her into pieces. Only the strong have the right to survive and she is weak!"_ Yamori's laughter nearly screamed, grating against Kaneki's skull as he clutched at handfuls of his hair, his teeth burying deep into his lower lip.

 _I won't do it. I won't hurt her._ _ **Not her**_ _._ He repeated the words in his mind, trying to drown the other voices that screeched for him to take his prey. He wouldn't do harm to her; she was innocent in all of this. He would not sink his teeth into her body, won't rip the flesh from her bones.

He was not going to devour his flower.

A soft sound silenced the screaming in his mind as Kaneki unclenched his fist from his hair. Hanami stirred, ruby eyes fluttering open as she slowly pushed herself upright, strands of her hair falling over her shoulders. She raised a hand to her face, her middle and index finger rubbing against her temple as her expression twisted into a rather vexed state. "I can do without those memories," she muttered to herself, utterly oblivious to his presence.

"Hanami." Kaneki placed a hand on her shoulder and Hanami's entire body flinched at the contact while she oriented herself. Her gaze slid over to him, widening slightly.

"How long were you here?" Her words were soft, barely a whisper, but Kaneki could see the shadowing of fear lurking within those red eyes and it sent his heart lurching painfully. _This must be why I stayed away from her for so long. To feel this pain…_ He shook his head to shatter the thoughts. He couldn't lose it; she wasn't a threat to him. She was frightened, that was all. "Not long," he replied, averting his eyes.

Hanami's eyes narrowed before she turned away, raising her hand to brush his away from her shoulder. She slowly brought her knees to her chest, ignoring the pounding of her heart. He was close, too close to her. Once upon a time, she dreamed for this, dreamed for some kind of reunion with him. This wasn't what she wanted, wasn't how she envisioned it. Hanami wanted to curl into herself, back into the shell she always wore. Her mind was unraveling at the seams; scars she wanted to bury were rising, ready to erupt from her like lava spewing from a volcano. The last person Hanami wanted to lose her mind in front of was Kaneki Ken.

Kaneki's eyes steeled when his gaze returned to Hanami. She was trying to become invisible before his eyes. _Unacceptable._

"Hanami." His voice was even, low, and he watched her body jerk in response. He continued on, keeping his eyes on her. "When I came back, you looked like you were having a nightmare. You even talked in your sleep."

"I _what_?" Hanami's voice was sharp, biting, but she turned those ruby eyes his way and Kaneki felt an almost sick wave of pleasure at her reaction. The way her bangs fell over her eyes, how her lips thinned into a grim line, cheeks paling—they were all _very_ appealing for him. "If this is some ploy to try and get me to speak to you-"

"You're speaking to me now, aren't you?" asked Kaneki softly, effectively silencing the brunette despite how her eyes froze into icy shards. He lifted a hand to her face, gently brushing her bangs away from her eyes; Hanami's hand rose to bat his away, but the contact was gentler than he anticipated, even with her glare in place with an attempt at some sort of bravado. He sighed heavily. "Telling someone about a nightmare could ease it off of your shoulders," he murmured. "Can I ask you to trust me on that?"

Hanami's eyes darkened. "What are you trying to get at, Kaneki?"

Kaneki kept his eyes on hers. _Straight to the point, then._ "Who killed your mother, Hanami?"

The dread that rose inside of Hanami's eyes pierced Kaneki deep to the bone marrow. Every cell in him was screaming for the words to return to his tongue, back to before he uttered them, but the damage was already done. Regret would be pointless.

"You." Hanami spat the word with pure venom. Her façade was crumbling before his eyes and the dread only darkened her eyes more. Kaneki's expression shifted into stone, even with cracks appearing in Hanami's demeanor. There was something else in her eyes, something almost akin to madness, a savagery that only an animal with no chance of victory in the face of defeat possessed. Hanami moved suddenly, getting to her feet so violently that Kaneki nearly recoiled in stunned silence. "No one has the right to ask me that. Least of all _you_!" Hanami finished, her voice rising an octave higher, as she dashed toward the door.

Her body all but slammed against the door's surface, her fingers digging into the metal futilely. Hanami's teeth stabbed into her lower lip, nearly drawing blood, as raw pain speared her mind, splintering it to its frayed edges. There was screaming, the voice shrill and familiar, followed by more pain, pain, nothing but _pain_. _**Monster, monster, MONSTER**_ , the voice was screaming the words at Hanami, the same words—the only words—she ever considered herself.

Kaneki's mind blazed with caution as he slowly began his approach to the trembling female who now brought her hands to her ears as though to silence sounds only she could hear. It was startling, as though he were seeing himself in a mirror. Kaneki recognized his own madness quite some time ago; perhaps Hanami, the quiet, nervous girl from his human days, had a madness that _infected_ her. A strangled scream ripped from Hanami's throat, piercing and agonizing all at once. Kaneki knew the sound, for it was all too familiar. _I've screamed that way before,_ he thought to himself, the ringing of his own agonizing screams hazing through his memories. His body moved closer, drawn as though by some unknown force, needing to be close to another broken soul.

Hanami must have sensed his movements; her movements were the vicious desperation of a trapped animal as she dashed toward a corner of the warehouse, pressing herself hard against the wall. Her light brown tresses fell over her shoulder, a curtain hiding her face from Kaneki's view. He forced his body to cease its movements, to not startle Hanami in the middle of her breakdown. Kaneki could hear her labored breaths and his body ached to hold the trembling brunette in his arms.

She couldn't look at him, refused to, afraid of what she would see in his eyes if she dared turn around. Kaneki knew that, but it no doubt sent his heart lurching in pain again. Hanami wasn't destroying his place to belong, but it felt as if he was being stabbed, the blade twisting and twisting.

"Why won't you tell me?" he asked softly. "I know when someone has nightmares. I've had so many of them, I lost count. But you…"

"You haven't been very forthcoming either," Hanami spat out, her words tinged with pain as she curled in the corner. "You haven't told me anything about what happened to you."

"I've asked you to trust me, Hanami."

"How can I trust you when you can barely trust yourself?"

Her words were sharper, a well-placed blow. Ice clouded Kaneki's grey eyes as he broke the distance between them by taking one step. "Hana-chan," he murmured, the familiar nickname rolling off of his tongue fluidly. In that instant, Hanami spun around to look at him, ruby eyes blazing with tears and pain. "No!" she screamed, her voice shaking. "Don't call me that, don't ever call me that again!"

He moved quickly, too fast for her to even blink, his hands closing over her upper arms. "Why? Because it's me?"

Tears streaked down her cheeks, but the anger in Hanami's eyes burned away the pain. "Because this isn't you."

Kaneki tensed, his eyes steeling at her words. Hanami only glared into his eyes, her tears still falling, but she didn't fight to break from his grip. Those words leaving her lips were agonizing, as though she cut into him with a blade that no other wielded. All he could focus on were the tears that fell from her eyes. Even when frustration threatened to snap his bones from within, Kaneki couldn't help the guilt that began to creep into his heart. _How many times have I made her cry?_

The silent standoff lasted for what felt like an eternity before Hanami averted her eyes. Her tears were drying on her pale cheeks as her heart banged violently within her chest. The last times she had been _this_ close to Kaneki, he had kissed her, biting her lower lip hard enough to draw blood. The memory brought a heavy surge of embarrassment within the brunette to even consider enjoying how the kisses were: rough, possessive, but also desperate. She shouldn't be thinking of such a thing, not while her mind screamed. Not when her entire of being was on the verge of ruin.

Kaneki's hands tightened on her arms and Hanami flinched at the sharp sensation of pain. "Hanami," his voice was barely a whisper, "look at me. Please."

Slowly, Hanami lifted her ruby eyes to Kaneki, taking in his icy visage—and his eyes.

Her heart nearly shattered to the floor and Hanami could barely take her eyes away from his. The grey irises that sparkled with kindness were a raging sea of emotions. Grief, agony, longing, anger; she could see it all and she couldn't restrain herself. Hanami lifted her hands gingerly to his face, her palms pressing against his cheeks. Kaneki's eyes flickered for a second before they slowly closed and he leaned into her touch, his own hands softly trailing the length of her arm before his fingers wrapped delicately around her wrists. Hanami inhaled sharply, her fingers stroking Kaneki's cheeks before pausing.

She had imagined a moment like this if she ever had the courage to tell him how she felt a thousand times. Yet right now, this very moment, twisted her heart with bile and longing. Her lips trembled, her tongue aching to say what she should have before everything; but her mind refused, reminding her in soft echoes of who had brought her into the warehouse, of who had killed someone in front of her, of who had awakened the scars she longed to keep underneath the surface.

That reason was the man before her.

Biting her lip, Hanami dropped her hands from his face, shifting to the right to free herself from his grip, but Kaneki tightened his hold on her wrist and gently jerked her toward him. A breathless gasp escaped Hanami's lips as soon as her chest collided with Kaneki's and his arms wrapped around her instinctively, holding her close as if she were a lifeline. "Kaneki-!"

"Don't turn away from me, Hanami." Kaneki's voice was a broken whisper at her ear, keeping her still in his strong grip. "Please. Every time you look at me with pain and anger in your eyes…it hurts."

Hanami's heart lurched violently, tears beginning to prick at her eyes again and her hands anchored on his shoulder in an attempt to push him away. Her arms shook with her attempt, yet Kaneki was immobile as stone. The only sign of life was his heart beating against hers and his breaths at her ear. "Let me go, Kaneki," murmured Hanami, her voice trembling. "Let me go."

She felt Kaneki's head move against her cheek. "No."

"Kaneki."

"Hanami. _Please._ "

 _His voice is like mine._ How many times has Hanami's own pain seeped into her voice? That pain, the very thing she longed suppressed, was mirrored in the voice of the man who held her so tightly, who pleaded her ever so softly. Hanami had spat out that she hated him, the wish deep into her very core that she could be genuine. _I can't hate him…_

But she had to. The noose held by the hands of her madness was tightening around Hanami's neck. If she allowed herself to fall, allowed herself to be overwhelmed by this moment, she may very well greet death with a kiss. "Kaneki, I can't… _we_ can't," whispered Hanami, her heart beginning to race beneath her bones.

"Why can't we?" asked Kaneki softly, pulling back to gaze at Hanami. His eyes were veiled with a pain Hanami could only glimpse, yet her heart ached for him. He leaned in, pressing his forehead against hers, their lips barely centimeters apart. Hanami shivered every time Kaneki exhaled, his breath fanning softly against her lips. He was silent for a moment, not expecting an answer to his prior question; in fact, Hanami could sense something akin to content. He was physically close enough to her, grasping her, and he had relaxed significantly. _Was it for reassurance?_ she asked herself.

"I want to tell you, Hanami." Kaneki's soft voice, its slow register jolted Hanami before her mind traveled. Kaneki placed a hand on her shoulder and she barely felt herself move until her back hit the wall. "You don't know how badly I want to tell you everything," he sighed.

Hanami bit her lip, her heart pulsating up to her throat. "Why can't you?"

A wry smile curved Kaneki's lip. "Because you're still innocent."

 _Innocent._ Was that what he thought of her? Hanami's teeth sunk into her lower lip, hard enough to draw blood. She shouldn't be upset; she'd never told him how she was hardly innocent, having seen evil so long ago. _I'd never told anyone, really…_

"You're still so innocent, so beautiful. All I want is to protect you, to keep you from knowing all of the bad things. If anyone else knew…" Kaneki trailed off and Hanami's eyes widened as she watched his shoulders tremble. "If anyone _knew_ …"

"Kaneki?" Hanami frowned softly right when he moved.

It had still caught her off guard; Kaneki's lips grazed hers, the contact tingling her flesh and sending a shockwave throughout her body. It wasn't a kiss, but he was _so close_ that it could very well be one. Hanami was frozen, wanting to move, but her body was enjoying the contact of Kaneki's lips skimming against hers until…

She barely gasped when his lips moved against hers, softer than before. She couldn't resist him, even with her mind screaming at her that Kaneki was willing to keep her in this warehouse far from human contact, willing to destroy anything that would separate them. Logic escaped her as though sand between her fingers, and all Hanami wanted was for _this_ moment to last in eternity. She responded, shyly at first; the reaction from Kaneki was instantaneous when he deepened the gentle kiss.

When they parted for air, Kaneki planted his hands on the wall, trapping Hanami. His grey eyes were a raging sea of emotions and the crimson-eyed girl swallowed thickly. "Kaneki?" she whispered softly, a question to what he could possibly be feeling at this moment.

Kaneki's lips captured hers in a deep kiss, his body pressed so tightly against hers that all Hanami could see and feel was _him_. Her instincts shrieked for her to escape him, but her heart craved his kiss, his touch. He must have sensed it; his hand snatched both of hers by the wrist and pinned them above her head, the kiss becoming deeper, desperate.

A fog began to seep into Hanami's mind, bringing a deep flush to her pale cheeks as Kaneki devoured her mouth with maddening need. It was as though a switch had been flipped inside of them both, more so within Hanami; even with her desire to escape, to be free, she found herself wanting to remain, to experience this side of the person she had loved for so long.

 _If_ _ **madness**_ _counts as love…_

Kaneki broke the kiss, grey eyes hooded with desire as he gazed at the trembling, panting female pinned beneath him. His throat burned with bloodlust and on its heels was a lust of a different matter. He leaned in, his lips grazing Hanami's neck before latching onto the fragile skin. Hanami inhaled sharply, feeling Kaneki nibble at her neck, her body shuddering with sensitivity. "W-Wait," she stammered, her voice hoarse, as she struggled to free her hands from his grasp.

Ravaging teeth bit down and Hanami let out a sharp scream as Kaneki pulled away. The mark on her skin filled him with pleasure and spurred his lust. Hanami's ruby eyes clashed with his, clouded as her body became pliant in his hold. Even with her struggling, her attempts were half-hearted at best.

"I told you before, I can't let anyone take you from me," he murmured, brushing his lips along the curve of Hanami's cheek, feeling the flesh heating at the contact. "I need you too much to let you go."

Hanami shook her head furiously. "We shouldn't. N-Not like this."

"You wished you meant those words, don't you?" Kaneki's words shocked her, not because of how he said them, but for what he said next. "I wish I meant mine when I said I'd never involve you in this…"

Hanami shivered. "You could change that. You could let me go."

Kaneki's lips were against hers again, his words spoken in a murmur against her mouth. "But you don't want me to, do you?"

"No." Her answer left her before she could think and Hanami could see that was all the incentive Kaneki needed. His mouth captured hers into a fierce kiss, releasing her hands only to pull her close by her hips so that all she could do is respond. Desire and frustration fused inside of Hanami's heart until they were one.

Kaneki deepened the ardent kiss, his fingers digging into Hanami's hips. His heart slammed violently inside of his chest, his blood pumping, his pulse thrumming as he devoured her mouth, taking the sweet, honeyed taste of her greedily. He groaned into the kiss, the sound vibrating throughout Hanami and he felt her body trembling in anticipation. Kaneki's body burned with a need for her—

"O-Ow." Hanami broke the kiss, flinching, raising a hand to her lips, her thumb pressing against her lower lip before pulling it away and looking at it. Slick crimson coated the pad of he thumb. _Did I nick it during…?_

A blush heated Hanami's cheeks right as Kaneki's hand wrapped around her wrist, his fingers digging into her skin. Hanami flinched, lifting her eyes to Kaneki.

Her eyes widened and a sudden chill spread throughout her body. Kaneki was looking at the blood on Hanami's thumb, his eyes fixated hungrily on the red—one iris still grey, the other the red eye of a ghoul. _Oh gods…_

Kaneki leaned in, taking Hanami's thumb into his mouth. Hanami shuddered, her eyes watching his every moment, before she gasped breathily at feeling Kaneki's tongue lick at the blood on her thumb. His eyes slid shut, a soft groan rumbling from his throat before he pulled her thumb from his mouth. Hanami could barely breathe as Kaneki opened his eyes, looking at her before they trialed down to fixate on her lower lip. "K-Kaneki…?" Hanami whispered softly, her voice trembling nervously.

Kaneki leaned in, his tongue pressing against the small wound on Hanami's lip that sent electricity down her spine. His hands grasped at her face, his mouth on hers again, the tang of blood exploding on his tongue. _So sweet,_ his mind whispered, ringing through him until he said the words against her lips.

Hanami gasped as Kaneki angled her head to taste the wound on her lip, to taste the sweet droplets. Kaneki couldn't resist the siren's call. He had longed imagined what it would be like to taste Hanami's blood; now that he had, he wanted more, _needed more—_

"My, so this where you've been hiding!" The familiar voice of Tsukiyama Shu broke through the air and Kaneki jerked himself away from Hanami's mouth with a snarl. Hanami blinked blearily, watching as Kaneki slowly turned his head toward the new arrival who seemed to have entered the warehouse with no regard for his safety.

"Stay behind me, Hanami," ordered Kaneki before he turned around. Hanami peeked around his shoulder at the purple-haired man, dressed in an impeccable purple suit. The man was smiling, but when his dark eyes darted to Hanami, she could see that his smile did not quite reach his eyes. Every nerve inside of her screamed danger—even more so than the volatile experiences Hanami had with Kaneki so far. Swallowing thickly, Hanami remained behind the white-haired male, who made no motion to move toward his guest.

"How did you find this place, Tsukiyama?" Kaneki's voice was different; it was colder than the iciest winter when he spoke to Tsukiyama. Hanami frowned slightly. _He must not like this guy very much…_

"The others were quite concerned, dear Kaneki." Tsukiyama returned his attention to Kaneki. "We haven't seen much of you recently, so I took the liberty of tracking your scent. Never had I expected that you would be holed up in this place with a young lady to occupy your time." The smile was polite, but Kaneki knew better. Tsukiyama had tried to eat him by whatever means in the past and the younger ghoul felt that this moment was no exception, regardless of how he kept an eye on the purple-haired ghoul.

"She isn't your concern," Kaneki muttered and Hanami couldn't help but lift her hand to place it on Kaneki's back, between his shoulders, and her fingers curled into the rough material of his shirt.

"Forgive me, but if your attention is on her, I cannot help but be concerned," replied Tsukiyama, his smile still in place even though his tone was grave. "Are you aiming to devour the girl or is she a pet?"

Kaneki growled low in his throat. _Of course_. Even when his throat burned for Hanami's blood, the white-haired ghoul would be damned if he let Tsukiyama have even an ounce of what Hanami was to him. "You came to find me and you've found me. Stop asking questions about her," he snapped.

Tsukiyama gave a rather grandiose bow. "As you wish," he said silkily before he straightened up.

Kaneki exhaled before fixing his glare on Tsukiyama. "I'm coming then. Breathe a word about her being here and I will kill you. Understand?"

Hanami could see a visible ripple through Tsukiyama and it sent a ripple of unease through her own body. She could sense it even without Kaneki ever telling her; she shouldn't put her trust in this ghoul. Her eyes flickered to Tsukiyama's, only to see those dark irises meeting her own crimson orbs.

"I'll be out in a second," Kaneki told him and, with a smile and a polite nod toward Hanami, Tsukiyama turned on his heel and strode out of the warehouse. Kaneki pressed his index and middle finger against his temple, massaging it gently. "I'm going to have to move you to a different place," he murmured.

That jolted Hanami back into reality. She was trapped here, a bird in a cage, a prisoner. What on earth was she thinking, to let him kiss her like that? She shook her head furiously to shatter the delusions that began to form into her mind. _There is no way we could be happy like this. Not this way. This isn't how it was supposed to be,_ she told herself over and over before she jumped at the gentle contact against her cheek. The red iris had gone away so that the grey eyes Hanami always knew stared at her. Kaneki touched his lips to her forehead, surprisingly gentle compared to the manic violence and subsequent stoicism and fierce desire Hanami had experienced nary too long ago.

"He won't hurt you, Hanami. Not while I'm around," he told her, his voice soft. "I won't give him the chance to."

 _Give him a chance to?_ "What do you mean by that?" asked Hanami, a frown crossing her visage.

Kaneki shook his head. "It's too complicated to explain right now."

The sudden spurt of anger burned in Hanami's blood and before she could even stop herself, she pushed against his chest, shoving Kaneki away from her. "You said you wanted to tell me everything," she muttered, the rage metallic like blood as it rose in her throat, constricting and threatening to snap her ribcage. "You have your chance to tell me. Why won't you take it?"

"I'll tell you, when the time's right." Kaneki averted his eyes. The hope that blossomed in his chest, born from the possibility that mutual understanding had grown between them despite these twisted interactions, had suddenly withered at her words. It wasn't time yet, he realized. _She can't know yet._

"Then don't come back until you can." Hanami's voice shook with her threat, almost hoping that Kaneki would ignore her words; but the anger was too big to contain and the fear of lashing out violently was growing as though it were a seed of damnation. "How can you expect me to understand _anything_ if you can't be honest with me? How can you expect me to tell you _**anything**_ about me in the same breath?" she asked shakily before she dashed away from him to the other side of the warehouse. Her heart banged ruthlessly inside of her, her mind telling her to run for the door, but her instincts kept her longing at bay. _I'd never make it out since he can drag me back in here._

Kaneki inhaled slowly, his body trembling so minutely that he could scarcely remember a moment of calm. Hanami was right; how could he expect that from her? Especially while he was unwilling to unveil what happened to him that brought them to this point. He shook his head, willing to play along with her bluff. "If that's what you want," he replied, watching as Hanami visibly tensed at his words before he walked toward the door. "I'll be back when you've calmed down. By then, we're likely to move into a different place."

When the heavy door slid close, Hanami fell to her knees. Her heart pumped furiously as tears threatened to fall from her eyes, but she swallowed, forcing the tears back. Her hair fell over her shoulder, the ends brushing the dirty floor and yet Hanami just wanted to scream loud enough for someone to hear her. Gulping down air, she pushed herself shakily to her feet.

She was a fool. How could she hope that maybe a bit of the Kaneki she knew from days past would emerge to explain everything to her? Why was she still waiting in vain for something that may never happen?

 _I have to get out of here._ Hanami dashed to the door, her instincts telling her that it would be futile to try since Kaneki always locked it from the outside. She planted her palms against the door and pushed.

The door gave, sliding open much to Hanami's surprise. _Did he forget to…?_

There wasn't time to think. This was her chance.

Hanami darted outside and slowly shut the door. Her heart pulsed in her ears as she inhaled deeply, turned around…

And fled.


	10. The Capture

People were oblivious to her. It was as though she were invisible.

Yet at this moment, Hanami didn't care. She weaved through the crowd, her heart thundering in her ears as she inhaled the summer air, the sun burning in the azure sky. All it had taken to shake him, to make him forget to bolt the door, was the moments just before he left. Her doubt in Kaneki shook him, Hanami was sure of that. Her heart shuddered, pain lancing through it. Kaneki wanted her there, desperately enough to go against what he had told her before keeping her in that warehouse. A chill raced up her spine. _He's going to be furious about this…_

 **No.** Hanami wasn't going to regret this. She had pleaded with him countless times to let her go, even when he fed so horrifically in front of her. She was never afraid of him before all of this, but fear seared into her blood now. The kind, gentle Kaneki Hanami remembered had changed so much and he was still so tightlipped about it. This attempt for freedom, however meager before he eventually would start to track her down, felt like she was running away to her home after a lovers' spat.

 _Did I seriously just think that?_ Hanami asked herself, heat rising in her cheeks. Kaneki had kissed her more than once, a bold move considering how timid he was at Kamii. Hanami shook her head and pushed her body faster. She had to get home to figure out what to do next. She couldn't go to the CCG; if they found out Kaneki was a ghoul…

 _They'd kill him._ The notion ached on Hanami's heart. Her blood iced over at the very thought of a world without Kaneki. She endured every second of that when she thought he was dead; to go through it again, only for him to be killed instead of missing, was too much to bear. Hanami could feel that aura that was so similar to her own while in that warehouse with him, radiating from his core, the very thing that had drawn her in when they first met. The noose only grew tighter when Kaneki had told Hanami that her eyes were pretty.

Hanami slowed her run, nearly stopping and she looked around. She recognized this neighborhood, especially the playground. When it would rain, she would walk all the way here from her apartment just to soak the droplets falling from a thundering sky. Chest heaving, Hanami walked toward the swings, her legs throbbing from running as hard and fast as she was. She reached out when the chain was within arms' length, her fingers curling around cold metal. A gentle breeze toyed with her hair, twisting the ends of the light-brown strands before her hair.

 _Yuna and I came here all the time when it rained._ The thought of her best friend brought a heavy sorrow weighing on Hanami's heart. Kaneki told her that Yuna almost caught him in the apartment. Did that mean her best friend was still alive after all? Did Hanami truly hallucinate the whole thing, seeing and hearing Yuna while Kaneki devoured her? "I had to," she murmured to herself. "He told me that he hadn't. He wouldn't lie to me…right?"

 _Why are you questioning yourself right now?_ The logical part of her mind asked and Hanami couldn't even think of an answer as to why. The sensation of the logic side of her mind was muted when she was around Kaneki in that warehouse and during every interaction; Hanami felt that he must have known it. How could he not? Hanami was nothing if not an open book on almost anything.

Everything except what Kaneki wanted to know.

 _"Who killed your mother, Hanami?"_ That was what he asked. Regardless of her feelings for him, Kaneki was asking too much of her at that moment. There were many things Hanami refused to even tell Yuna, and her mother was undoubtedly one of them. Her heart had barely mended from the experiences in her childhood, much less afterward when her mother had died. Hanami shook her head violently. _Don't look back on that. It's done now._

So lost she was in her own thoughts that Hanami barely sensed a presence behind her.

"Excuse me, miss?" She jumped at being addressed, the deep voice soft and gentle though it did nothing to calm her nerves. Slowly, she turned around, coming face-to-face with a dark-haired man dressed in a white overcoat, a briefcase at hand. Hanami worked to suppress a visible shudder, but she knew instinctively who the man was.

 _More specifically…_ whom he worked for.

* * *

Amon never expected to stumble upon the missing university student so suddenly. He had looked over Makine Hanami's file, trying to work his brain into finding a connection of her disappearance and the Eyepatch ghoul that he had never thought he'd find her in a public park. The girl was definitely afraid, but he knew that he had to bring her back to headquarters for questioning.

From what Mizuki Yuna had said on her dying breath, the Eyepatch ghoul was in Hanami's apartment, days after the girl disappeared. To Amon, that made Eyepatch the prime suspect in Hanami's disappearance and was likely the reason she was set free—or she escaped from him.

Now, Hanami sat across the table from him in the CCG headquarters, crimson eyes fixated on her lap. Despite her nerves, Amon noticed she could have been far worse for wear. The only visible blemishes he could discern were the slight smudging of blood at the corner of her lip. Anything else may have healed within the timespan of her disappearance and now.

"Do you know why you're here, Makine-san?" asked Amon, keeping his tone even. Hanami's eyes flickered to his face as she twisted the ends of her light-brown hair around her index finger. She was silent, observing his every move as though she were a hawk. Amon sighed heavily, crossing his arms over his chest. "You aren't in trouble. You're a victim of a ghoul attack."

When Hanami's expression twisted into panic, Amon hurriedly continued, "In the alley. There were traces of your DNA and also a corpse of a ghoul nearby. You were saved, weren't you?"

She was chewing on her lower lip before exhaling. "I was."

"Do you know who saved you that day?"

"No. I must have passed out."

Amon uncrossed his arms, placing them on the table. "Makine-san, I understand this may be a bit…difficult for you to talk about. I'm here to help you."

A sharp laugh passed through Hanami's lips, her red eyes narrowing. "To help _me_?" she asked harshly. "What do you want me to tell you?"

Amon kept his eyes on Hanami's. "Were you taken against your will by a ghoul?"

Hanami's expression hardened, no trace of emotion on her visage. "I don't know where you get off assuming something like that," she murmured coolly. "If a ghoul had taken me, I wouldn't be here right now being interrogated like this. I would be dead and you wouldn't have even located my body."

"You sound confident in this, Makine-san."

"I am confident because I wasn't taken by anybody, much less a ghoul."

Hanami's eyes never strayed from his, but Amon felt to his core that something wasn't right. She was suddenly too calm; no, too detached. Her panic had fallen away, melting into stoicism.

 _Whatever she had endured, it severely traumatized her._

Amon leaned forward. "Makine-san. I am only here to help you. To understand what happened to you in those days you were missing. You do not have to protect anyone."

Hanami's expression remained as hard as stone, red irises devoid of emotions. Those eyes unnerved him and yet, he had no idea as to why. Shaking the concerns for now, Amon leaned forward slightly. " _Are_ you protecting someone, Makine-san?"

Her eyes trembled before she exhaled.

* * *

His heart shattered to the floor, the shards at his feet. The explosion rang in his ears on repeat, louder and louder. Alarms had blared when Kaneki returned to the warehouse, noticing the lock wasn't bolted from when he had left. His pulse had vibrated throughout his body as a sickening cold sensation clawed at his heart. _Did she…?_ He thought to himself with a heart-stopping jolt shooting throughout his body. His fears were confirmed as soon as he opened the warehouse door and the air inside was utterly still.

 _She's…!_

The air hummed with life when Hanami was trapped in his cage and with one brief window to do so, she escaped. Kaneki could barely grasp the dark hollowness that grew inside of him, empty of the only remedy that could cauterize the bleeding inside of his soul.

He shouldn't have gone with Tsukiyama to find out what he needed; he should have stayed with Hanami and told her everything she wanted to know before doing anything. That was all she asked of him and he couldn't even bring himself to _tell her_.

His hands were shaking, his fingers aching to thread themselves through Hanami's hair to soothe him. His lips throbbed, needing to feel hers, before his mind registered his current reality.

Makine Hanami, his flower, had slipped through his fingers.

 _You should have eaten her,_ Kaneki's mind whispered. _If you ate her, she'd always be a part of you forever…_

" _ **How can you expect me to understand anything if you can't be honest with me?"**_

 _Those words were the last she's said to me. Why didn't I listen to her? Why couldn't I…?_ Kaneki's fingers tangled into his white hair, pain throbbing through his temple. His entire core was at war, winding him to the point of agony. Everything within Kaneki ached desperately for the ruby-eyed girl. She was the cure for the wounds upon his soul, a soothing balm to the agonizing madness inside of him. With Hanami gone, his mind aimed to destroy him.

Kaneki buried his face into his hands, his body burning.

 _Just eat her! Go find her and eat her!_

 _ **I won't hurt her. She means too much to me.**_

 _She will never leave you if you just devour her!_

 _ **No. No!**_

His kagune burst from him, thrashing wildly and striking into the walls. Kaneki ground his teeth together, biting back screams as the war only ravaged him, gouging his innards. The agony and longing stormed inside of him like a raging demon, roaring for blood and destruction of everything in its path in order to claim its possession. His mind was fraying at the edges as images of Hanami's face floated into his mind. Ghostly traces of her scent, sensations of her touch, even her voice when she screamed and cried surrounded him, a chain around his heart that also wrapped around his neck. _I need her._ _ **I need her.**_

He lifted his face from his hands, panting heavily, his singular goal clear in his maddening state. "I have to get her back."

* * *

Touka stood across the street from the CCG headquarters, purple eyes focused. The building was a nest of investigators, seeking to hunt and destroy ghouls who just wanted to live. When the doors opened, Touka tensed, preparing to leave—

-only for her breath to catch in her throat.

The familiar head of light-brown hair glistened in the sunlight that sent bile rising to the roof of her mouth. Touka's stomach knotted harshly, her blood chilled as though shards of ice coursed in her veins.

Makine Hanami, alive and well, exited from the CCG headquarters with an investigator. Whatever was exchanged between the two seemed succinct, for Hanami nodded and strode away quickly. Touka's lips pressed together grimly before she took her steps, determined to trail behind Hanami.

Why would she go to the CCG? _Did she figure out that Kaneki was…?_

She didn't have time to think; she had to focus on keeping the brunette in sight, to ask her what she told the investigator. If Makine Hanami proved to be a threat, if she breathed a word about being rescued by a ghoul—by Kaneki—then Touka would have no other choice. All she would have to ask for is forgiveness from Kaneki if it ever came down to that.

Hanami took a sharp right through the throng of people, right around the corner of the end of the block. Touka darted through the crowd, taking the same right only to harshly stop so as to not collide with the very girl she was following. Hanami's eyes widened slightly, but there was a glimmer of suspicion in their depths. "Touka," she murmured softly. "Why are you following me?"

Touka gritted her teeth for a moment before she spoke. "Not here. It's too crowded."

Hanami nodded briskly before allowing Touka to lead the way. Touka's heart was hammering into her throat as Hanami followed closely behind her. There had always been something unnerving about the brunette, something Touka could now feel into her bones. She knew Kaneki was off doing God- knows-what, but he took the time to save the girl that he couldn't unveil his being a ghoul to. No longer after that, Makine Hanami went missing.

Ever since the news program that Hinami and Touka watched about Hanami, Touka was full of questions. Was Kaneki involved with Hanami being gone? If so, how did she leave him? Most importantly, why was she at the CCG headquarters?

It was mostly silent, save the ambience of Tokyo when Touka lead the way to Anteiku. There was no safer place to discuss things than there, at least not to Touka. They'd also have a semblance of privacy in the other rooms.

Hanami said nothing about the choice of location. She merely followed Touka inside, watching as the younger girl barked about needing to borrow the room for a moment to discuss something with her visitor. _I suppose I'm the visitor,_ thought Hanami blithely, ignoring the stares she was receiving from the patrons of the café as she followed Touka through the door, upstairs to one of the empty rooms.

When Touka shut the door, she exhaled. "We won't be bothered for a bit. It'll be easier to talk here."

"A comfort zone for you, I gather." Hanami sat on the sofa, leaning forward slightly that her hair fell delicately over her shoulders. She looked thin, Touka realized after looking at the brunette. She was thin from either not eating or some sort of stress.

"Makine-san-" She began.

"Please." Hanami interjected, lifting a hand. "Calling me Hanami is fine."

Touka nodded slowly. "Hanami…why were you at the CCG?" she asked softly, her eyes fixated on the brunette. Hanami twined her fingers together, resting them on her lap in a way that seemed graceful to Touka. She bit on her lower lip for a moment, as though contemplating her answer.

"To be honest," she murmured, her gaze lowering to her hands. "The investigator approached me. He walked me to the headquarters and proceeded to ask me questions."

"About what?"

"Where I was for the last few days. The ghoul attack I survived. Asking questions because he wanted to help me."

Touka bit back the bile that rose into her throat again, coating it like a disgusting aftertaste she could never get rid of. "Did Kaneki take you?"

Hanami lifted her eyes to gaze at Touka. "I was with him if that's what you're asking."

"Then why aren't you with him now?"

"Are you a CCG investigator now?"

Hanami's voice was biting, different from when she last spoke with Touka. Whatever she went through with Kaneki within those few days had taken its toll on her, bringing out an instinct to protect herself. Touka could see it in Hanami's eyes just as well to hear it in her voice. "Did you tell the CCG that you were taken by a ghoul?" she asked, voicing what was on her mind from the start.

Hanami narrowed her eyes. The sickening burn of anger seeped into her heart at the silent accusation thrown at her, her teeth furrowed into her lower lip. The sudden surge of violence was exhilarating, but also frightening. "You think I told them who he was?"

"He kept you with him for days. You have no reason to cover for him, do you?" asked Touka, her eyes narrowing in suspicion and it only served to irritate Hanami even more. "Especially since you were found alive."

"What are you getting at?" Hanami spat out, her anger coating her words with venom.

Touka looked at Hanami, straight in the eye with no trace of nervousness. "Why didn't you tell them?"

Hanami didn't avert her eyes. "Why should I tell them? In fact, why do you even care if I told them or not?"

Touka recoiled, taken aback by Hanami's words, but her very actions was what caught Hanami's attention more than anything. The only beings in Tokyo that would be nervous about the CCG knowing their true identities were ghouls. It was enough for the gears in Hanami's head to turn very slowly before got to her feet and stepped closer to Touka. Her next question was going to take an extraordinary leap of faith that Hanami never realized she possessed and part of her hoped she was mistaken. However, something in her core told her she wasn't.

"You're a ghoul, aren't you?"

Touka said nothing; she froze, her eyes widening slightly as her complexion paled. The expression of shock on Touka's face was the answer Hanami needed. She remained where she stood, crossing her arms loosely over her chest only for them to fall lifelessly at her sides. "So that's why. You think because he's a ghoul that kept me with him that I took the first chance I got to snitch. It would result in the CCG finding out about Anteiku, about you," she said softly, musing in her own thoughts. _Maybe that's why Kaneki came here so much…_

"Kaneki…he didn't tell you, did he?" ventured Touka, her voice laced with an uncertainty that was mysterious to Hanami. "He didn't tell you much of…anything?"

Hanami shook her head gently. "He could never bring himself to tell me, even when he said he wanted to. I gave him every chance to tell me everything," she replied coolly, feeling the anger that had arose from the prior questions fading away. She paused, averting her eyes to the pristine floor, her words caught in her throat. It would do not an ounce of good if she kept every thought inside of her, but Hanami barely knew Touka aside for the very reason she was brought here.

"Hanami." Touka's voice seemed strained, as though she were fighting an internal war to say what was on her mind and it drew Hanami's eyes back to the dark-haired girl. "I don't know if this will help or anything, but he talked about you a lot when he used to come here. There were things he wanted to tell you and he wanted to apologize to you about not allowing you to see him after the accident," she said.

A cold shock chilled Hanami's nerves, her eyes widening slightly. "He told you about that?" she asked, her voice barely rising above a whisper. A strange sensation brewed in her heart; not pain or jealousy, but some unnamed emotion that seemed to grow.

"He's an open book," answered Touka solemnly. "At least, he was."

 _An open book._ Hanami remembered Kaneki when he was flustered, stammering in that shy, boyish way. He was as much an open book to her than she was to him. Being with him in that warehouse only showed Hanami how much they truly didn't know each other, of how deeply rooted their secrets were that they couldn't even come clean. Exhaling a short breath, Hanami shook her head again at the memory of the sweet, raven-haired Kaneki who had lent her his book, who had told her that her eyes were pretty. In comparison to his volatile, white-haired self, he was secretive and frustrating.

But there was still a brokenness inside of Kaneki that was reflected in his eyes when Hanami managed to look into them. _And he still…_

"You're right. He was," whispered Hanami, warmth blooming from her chest and replacing the chill that had grown there. "I just wish whatever you knew, that he could tell me."

Touka stepped forward and Hanami could see that her irises were trembling. It was though Hanami was staring into a mirror. "I think he will. I _hope_ he will. He cares about you…a lot," she told her and Hanami could suddenly see it, clear as the azure sky.

She smiled softly, watching the taken-aback reaction blossom on Touka's face. "You too, huh?"

"What?"

"Don't worry about it." Hanami stepped around Touka, her hand resting on the handle of the door. She turned around slightly to glance back at the younger girl, the gentle smile still curving her lips. "By the way, Touka. If you're nervous about my knowing you're a ghoul, don't be. I won't tell anyone."

Touka's expression softened, a gentle smile of her own on her lips. "You really are like what Kaneki says."

Hanami tilted her head. "What did he say?"

The smile remained on Touka's lips. "That you're the kindest person he's ever met."

Heat rose into Hanami's cheeks, a light pink hue dusting the skin before she turned away. He had praised her so highly like that, even when there was such a distance between them now? It only sent Hanami's heart lurching painfully, even with her freedom from him.

"Can I ask you something?" Touka's voice stopped Hanami from turning the door's handle.

"You just did."

"Very funny."

Blush fading from her cheeks, Hanami let out a soft laugh. "Go ahead."

Touka averted her eyes for the briefest second before she fixated them on Hanami's form again. "Why didn't you turn Kaneki in?" she asked. "I know I asked before, but you didn't answer."

Hanami thought about that question, the one she definitely had the answer to. Yet she wasn't sure how to word it. The entirety of the ordeal was complicated, where Kaneki would treat her coldly, treat her gently, or hold her obsessively tight; and while she wanted to hate him for locking her in a cage of his design, she found that it was never the case.

"He and I…we're a lot similar than he realizes. Maybe more than I realize," Hanami answered finally. "That may not be the answer you're looking for, but it's the best way I can explain it."

Touka nodded. "I understand," she replied. "Be safe getting home, okay, Hanami?"

"I will." Hanami turned to give Touka one last smile before she twisted the handle of the door and opened it to walk out of Anteiku. As Hanami exited the coffee shop, she was lost in her thoughts as she made her way home. She was no longer in the warehouse where Kaneki had kept her and yet her heart longed to be back there, with him. _Maybe he was right. In some twisted way, I didn't want him to let me go…_

The world was a blur, the roar of the city dulled, even when Hanami drifted through the crowd as a ghost. There were things that she needed to do, to find out, but she was going to go home to rest first and foremost.

She was jolted from her musings at the sensation of fingers clasping around her slender wrist tightly, yanking her to a sudden stop. Hanami turned around to take in the stranger that had her in his grip, at his messy blonde hair and beaming, radiant smile on his lips. He was dressed impeccably, as though he were going to a fancy dinner party. "Can I help you?" she asked softly.

"My, what unusual, radiant eyes you have, miss," the man purred, his eyes narrowed thinly and a chill zapped through Hanami's body, rooting her there. _Gods, no, not again...!_

The kakugan were fixed on her and the cold feeling of dread consumed Hanami before she could feel a prick at her neck and a haze overcoming her, sending her vision blurring into nothingness.

Unaware of eyes on their form, the man swept the unconscious brunette in his arms, giving a polite smile and nod at the passersby who stopped to likely question him. No doubt he concocted some excuse for the young lady's sudden fainting, something that appeared only _he_ would do when hunting. He quickly strode away and Tsukiyama had no reservations about where the ghoul was going, with prey at hand.

"My, my," he mused, knowing he will have to divulge the information. "He won't be happy about this before we infiltrate, will he?"


	11. BLOODIED

He tracked her scent back to Anteiku. _She must have stayed there for a minute._

Kaneki had left the warehouse where he and Hanami had stayed, dressed in a casual top and dark pants. He had left his mask at the warehouse, considering no one would recognize him with his hair being white save for the ghouls at Anteiku. In its place was the medical eyepatch he wore to cover his kakugan. Kaneki inhaled, the faint scent of roses filling him, as he climbed up the stairs. He could hear the bustling of the café even when he hadn't reached the doors and nostalgia filled him. How he missed the camaraderie…

 _This is for everyone's sake. I have to protect them, but…I need Hanami with me._ That was the reason he had come. Not for a reminiscent chat; he was searching for his flower.

Kaneki turned the handle to the café door, pushing it open and watching as his fellow ghouls—Koma, Kaya, Nishio—turned their attention to the entrance, only to pause in their usual greeting. Touka stood at the counter, her head turning to look at him and her eyes widened. Shock chilled her to the core and her voice barely rose above a whisper as his name fell from her lips.

"What's brought you by, Kaneki?" Nishio asked, keeping his voice nonchalant as if the younger male had come around often and this was a mere social call. Of course, he also knew better. _If Touka blows a gasket now…_

Kaneki was silent for a moment, his eyes taking in those who worked in Anteiku. "The girl who was here before," he began before he noticed Touka visibly tensing. "Where is she?" he asked her, ignoring the gnawing hole that threatened to consume him in that very moment. He needed the answer.

Touka averted her eyes, unsure of why. "She left a little while ago," she answered. "She was here to answer some questions I had."

"What kind of questions?"

"She was at the CCG earlier."

Kaneki froze, his eyes widening slightly. _Hanami was there?_ She had no reason to protect him. The only he hope he had for the CCG to not find out him would be if Hanami's heart refused to reveal him. "I need to find her," he muttered.

Touka's eyes flew up to meet his, her teeth furrowing into her lower lip. "Kaneki, you…you can't make her stay with you. I thought the whole point of whatever it was you wanted to do was to cut ties and now here you are-"

"Touka," Kaya cut in, her voice soft but firm, and Touka turned her gaze toward her. The expression in Kaya's eyes said it all and Touka gritted her teeth, her molars snapping together, before she rounded back on Kaneki. There were words piling onto the tip of her tongue and she longed to spew them before they left the acidic aftertaste. Touka thought of Hanami, of the brunette's words and that gentle, kind smile that the white-haired male had mentioned when he was still with the Anteiku ghouls. "She could still smile, regardless of what you put her through," she muttered at last, hoping that Kaneki understood her implications.

He stayed silent, but he took in Touka's words, averting his gaze. Kaneki had caused Hanami's primal instinct to survive him to emerge; that was his doing and yet, she was still able to smile in Touka's presence. _She's strong. Stronger than I'll_ _ **ever**_ _be…_

The door to Anteiku opened and a familiar voice rang out, "I knew I'd find you here."

Touka suppressed a groan and Kaneki turned around to be face-to-face with Tsukiyama Shu, who wore his polite smile. "Were you looking for me, Tsukiyama?" he asked coolly, schooling his features into indifference.

"Indeed I was. I had encountered something that may intrigue you. It may have something to do with the young miss that occupied your attention," answered Tsukiyama smoothly, bowing slightly to be eye-level with Kaneki.

"You found Hanami?"

"Yes, however I lost her soon after."

Kaneki's teeth snapped together, a darkening aura radiating from him those in Anteiku had never before felt from the once-mild-mannered male. "How?" he growled.

"The girl was taken by a ghoul. No doubt that ghoul will be _presenting_ her," Tsukiyama replied, straightening back up with glittering eyes. Kaneki knew what the older male meant; after all, he had been _presented_ as well.

Kaneki spun around. "We're going to get her out of there."

Touka stepped forward. "Kaneki, let me come too," she managed to say those words, effectively halting Kaneki before he could walk out. He closed his eyes for a moment before he glanced back at Touka. "I can't let you do that," he replied.

"Why not?"

"…She'll get upset if you were to get hurt, Touka."

That gave Touka pause before she realized that he was right. The girl she barely knew, the one that was the remaining link to Kaneki's former life, exuded a maternal aura around not only her, but to Hinami before she disappeared. Touka could see the pain in Hanami's eyes now and she hadn't even stepped foot outside of Anteiku.

Before she could speak, however, Kaneki took that moment of silence to walk out of Anteiku with Tsukiyama on his heels, and the ache that grew in her chest had only gotten larger.

* * *

The sharp tingling that began from the balls of her feet and began its slow crawl up her leg was what roused Hanami back into disoriented consciousness. Strands of her hair fell in front of her eyes as she lifted her head from where it lay upon a plush cushion, taking in her surroundings.

The room was finely decorated as though she were in a mansion; everything was spotless, gleaming in the dim lighting. Hanami blinked a few times to orient herself, pushing herself to her feet, frowning when she felt something like silk brush against her shin and glanced down.

 _These are not my clothes._ What replaced the shambled clothes Hanami wore when she escaped the warehouse was an elegant, white dress. The bodice was snug, not too tight nor too loose, with off-shoulder sleeves that appeared to be bordered fishnet. The peplum flared out with the skirt, enough to almost appear like a wedding dress. _Someone had to put this one me..._

That was far from her concern right now. Hanami frowned, trying to collect herself as the memory from before she lost consciousness swam into her mind. She had just left Anteiku in a daze before being grabbed by a stranger with blonde hair and the sudden prick at her neck before oblivion took her. Hanami was no fool. _I'm in another cage, this time unwillingly._

There was a steaming cup of coffee on the ornate wooden table in the middle of the room, but Hanami didn't dare try to approach and lift the cup from where it sat. Everything in her screamed that something was wrong, horribly wrong, and that it would only escalate from there. "I had to have been here for some time," she muttered to herself. "But how long exactly…?"

She had no answer and frustration brewed inside of her. She could have been unconscious for hours and anyone could have just waltzed into this room to accost her. Hanami walked over to the table, wrapping her arms around herself. How was it so remarkably easy for her to fall prey to things? The minute she fled, she only ran into another problem. _Am I that weak…?_ She asked herself, but no one could answer her.

Instead her mind wandered to where she hoped it wouldn't, but she couldn't refrain herself. If hours had passed, Kaneki was bound to realize that Hanami had escaped. If he was true to his word, she had no doubt that he was searching for her. Her heart raced within her chest at the thought. _If he finds me, he'll put me back in that cage of his._ Yet her own voice was asking her if it was truly worse compared to the uncertainty that tainted the air where she was. Hanami shut her eyes, her mind jumbled to make sense of any evils to lock a soul away.

A suddenly quake shocked her attention and her eyes flew open. Where she stood was suddenly rising and it sent her stomach plummeting. Bile rose in her throat as Hanami tried to keep her balance. A sudden burst of light blinded her and she lifted her arm to block as much of it as she could. Hanami squinted, her ears suddenly ringing at a roar piercing the air.

"Our gracious host has brought us quite a treat this evening!" A male voice boomed and Hanami's blood ran cold. "A ruby-eyed morsel that our scrapper should have no trouble tenderizing for us!"

The screams were shattering and ice may as well have replaced Hanami's blood; she lowered her arm to see stands filled with people. She squinted, trying to get a better glimpse before creaking caught her attention and she spun around.

The roar of the crowd was drowning out beneath the sound of her own heart beating into overdriven panic as Hanami watched a behemoth of a person stomp in, a black mask obscuring their face. Clenched in a meaty fist was an unnaturally large butcher knife. Hanami's throat tightened, barely able to even scream, as chills paralyzed her body. The giant tromped toward her, encouraged by the screaming crowd, raising their weapon and Hanami's mind instinctively shrieked at her. Hanami spun around, bolting in what little space she had. Sweat beaded on her brow as she pressed her palms against the wall, her head twisting back to look.

"Don't run, pretty girl!" boomed a low voice as the behemoth drew nearer, waving the butcher knife violently. Hanami flinched and, gasping sharply, she darted, the blade barely missing her head as she scrambled to flee from the giant. The ground shook as the beast gave chase; she could hear their labored breaths and she pushed herself faster, her feet slipping on the slick floor. Her eyes darted to the concrete, bile rising in her throat at the splotches of blood.

Hanami's attention was diverted for too long a second; she gasped as a large fingers suddenly wrapped around her, the grip so tight that it threatened to shatter her bones. She squirmed violently with a scream, the crowd roaring as the scrapper brought her close to their masked face for what felt like an eternity.

It was too sudden for her to even react.

A scream barely escaped her when Hanami all but shattered against the wall, her head connecting hard with the stone. Pain stabbed into her skull with the force of a thousand knives as her body crashed to the floor. Hanami hissed, pressing a hand gingerly to her head before pulling it away. Crimson coated her entire palm, staining her skin, as bone-splintering pain erupted within her body. _No, no, no._

The scrapper moved toward her, the machete gleaming in the light. "Pretty lady can't move now," they growled. They towered over Hanami and she tried to desperately crawl from impending danger.

A shooting, burning, agonizing pain seared through her leg and Hanami let out a piercing scream that mingled with the shrieking crowd. Hanami dared to glance at her left leg—only to nearly lose the contents of her stomach at seeing the scrapper's behemoth foot atop it. The pain was too excruciating for Hanami to even consider the bone snapped cleanly.

She felt the fingers cinching in her hair before she realized her body was being lifted into the air. She looked down at herself, at her shattered leg beginning to swell, as beads of red dotted the tearing dress. Red was dripping into her vision, no doubt from her head wound; but the pain was overcoming her and Hanami could only see more red coating her vision.

The air whistled as the scrapper swung for a clean cut and Hanami braced herself for a swift, messy end. _I'm going to die here…_

A breath barely escaped Hanami's lips as she felt her body falling toward the floor again. Blinking blood blearily from her eyes, the scrapper was holding a fistful of her hair. _Oh…they missed_ , she thought absently before she suddenly became aware.

Aware of the scrapper's lack of moment.

Aware that the crowd had suddenly become silent.

Aware of strong arms around her.

The presence was familiar, _very familiar_ , but Hanami could barely keep her eyes open. A buzzing hummed at her ears, something that sounded like screams of a different kind, but she was already floating…

* * *

All he remembered was sheer anger. Burning rage. The need to quench his bloodlust with the stunned crowd of ghouls was too strong to ignore.

 _Especially since they touched_ _ **her**_.

Kaneki barely remembered blacking out as soon as he saw had Hanami in his arms. When he regained control of himself, the rage subsiding for only a moment, he was acutely aware of the roof of his mouth tasting of blood and that his entire being was splashed with red. Tsukiyama stood far off in the arena that brought distressing memories back for Kaneki, but he focused on the unconscious brunette the older ghoul had in his arms.

Kaneki closed the distance, his steps echoing in the silent ghoul restaurant as he tracked blood across the length of the floor. His kakugan was activated, of this he had no doubt, but he didn't care. His only concern was his flower.

Tsukiyama had taken care of the scrapper with ease and, considering the tears in his usually impeccable suit, he must have shielded Hanami from most of Kaneki's rampage. The older man looked toward the younger ghoul as he was within arms' length before handing the unconscious girl to him. "I will say, as your sword, that it was a good thing the _mademoiselle_ was unconscious."

Kaneki remained silent, instead diverting his attention to Hanami. The white dress she donned (no question she was either told or dressed in such by a ghoul, he thought with gnashing teeth) was torn and stained red with her own blood. Blood streamed down her face from a head wound, her left leg swollen from what could be a break. The scrapper must have missed Hanami's neck; instead, they sheared off the ends of her hair. Uneven strands clung to her bloodstained cheeks and neck.

Killing the bloodthirsty ghouls in those stands was barely an inch of punishment for what they put her through, the situation so reminiscent of his own that it only served to anger Kaneki more. The only difference was that Kaneki and Tsukiyama had come, not just to "infiltrate".

"What will your next move be, Kaneki?" asked Tsukiyama, observing the white-haired ghoul's silence as a moment to think. Kaneki's grip on Hanami's unconscious form tightened, his mind whispering countless things to do. Hanami was injured; he had to take the correct course of action.

"I'll take care of it," he muttered. "I know where to take her."

Tsukiyama said nothing in response, something that Kaneki was grateful for.

* * *

How long had it been since he had stepped foot into this place after going through what he had?

It had been quite a stretch of time since Kaneki had been in his apartment. Avoidance was key into coming in without anyone noticing, considering he was covered in blood and carrying an unconscious girl. Whatever fate had smiled upon him deserved his gratitude.

The place was stuffy, as though it hadn't had any air let in ever since he avoided returning to it; however, he kept the window open slightly to let air in after laying Hanami gingerly onto his bed and pressing a hand to her bloodied cheek.

Silently, Kaneki went to fetch the first-aid kit. He had keep himself focused. Despite the seductive calling of Hanami's blood as it dried on her skin, he had to treat her. Her wellbeing had to come first.

After setting upon the bed and opening the kit, Kaneki took out the gauze wrap and the bottle of alcohol before he darted to the bathroom to get two rags, proceeding to stop at the sink first to soak one under the faucet. Turning the faucet off, he hurried back to Hanami's side, setting the dry rag down beside the open first-aid kit, Kaneki gingerly snaked his hand on the back of Hanami's neck to lift her head from the bed. He wiped at the drying blood with the wet rag carefully, as though the oblivious human were made of glass.

 _Considering how broken she was…_ No, he wouldn't think about that right now. Kaneki centered his attention on making sure every stain of red no longer coated Hanami's pale skin before he moved to wipe the excess from the wound on her head.

He paused for a moment, inhaling deeply. _Something doesn't feel right._

There was a strange scent emanating from Hanami that was neither her blood, though it was plentiful, nor was it the scrapper's from their brutal handling of her. _It couldn't be…_

Frowning, Kaneki wrapped an arm around Hanami's middle, keeping her as upright as her current state allowed so he could check her head injury. His eyes widened as time seemed to slow to an agonizing stop, his heart the only thing drumming violently in his ears. His blood zoomed through his veins, his entire being trembling with his racing thoughts.

There was no longer a wound.


	12. The Thorns That Bind Us

_This. So many pages. Don't worry. The craziness is coming._

* * *

 _The screams only rose in pitch as crimson splashed onto the walls, the stone beginning to crumble. The sounds of skin being torn, bones crunching, gurgling as though someone was drowning; the sounds of heavy, rapid footfall…_

 _And_ _ **laughter**_ _._

 _Laughter so chilling, so maniacal, that her blood turned to ice._

" _ **One thousand minus seven. Do you know?"**_

 _His voice was the same, but it was so_ **different** _ **.**_ _It was a blade carving the answer to the crescendo of screams belonging to those who just moments before screamed in laughter._

 _Now they scream as they are slaughtered._

 _She could hear it all._

 _She could_ _ **feel it all**_ _. Feel the violence of his fury, the blood soaking his hands, his teeth burrowing into flesh. Feel his madness ruling him, memories of being sliced, of centipedes crawling in his skull, of his fingers and toes being ripped off over and over. Feel the vibrations of his screams, the anger and agony nearly silent among the symphony of fearful screams._

 _ **But it's just a dream.**_

 _ **A nightmare…**_

Hanami's fingers flinched, curling to dig into something. A soft, plush texture met her fingertips and she could feel her visage twist into a frown. The last thing she remembered was the arena, arms around her, before her vision eclipsed into black. _Am I dead?_

A groan threatening to bubble from her lips, Hanami forced her eyes open, blinking rapidly to clear the blurry sight. Pain shot through her leg, familiar and foreign all at once and yet it felt stiff. _I guess that answers my question,_ she thought grimly, rightly assured that she was definitely still among the living.

"You're awake," a familiar voice murmured lowly, coming from her left. Hanami turned her head.

Kaneki was sitting in a chair beside her, his elbows resting on his legs as his joined hands were under his chin. He appeared to be freshly showered; his white hair glistened and he was wearing a collared white shirt and blue jeans. Steel irises were narrowed softly, but Hanami could see it wasn't from irritation. She met his gaze, aware of her heart picking up pace and pounding furiously inside of her chest. "Kaneki? Where am I? How did you find me?"

"Tsukiyama saw you. He told me and…" Kaneki trailed off, debating whether to tell Hanami that he had been trying to track her scent since he found her gone. _She must have known by now_ , he thought to himself. He would have gone at any length to get her back. He exhaled heavily, his laced fingers tightening to refrain from grabbing Hanami and embracing her. He had other matters to discuss with her. "What matters is that you're safe. Tsukiyama and I managed to find you and get you out of there," he finished. "You weren't unscathed as I hoped. Your left leg is broken and your head was bleeding."

"So it wasn't a dream," murmured Hanami, propping herself upright with her elbows as support. She observed herself, her eyes moving from Kaneki to the torn, bloodied dress that she was found in and the pristine wrap that covered her left leg. She counted her stars that she wasn't changed again while unconscious. Leaning onto her right elbow, Hanami lifted a hand to the back of her head, her fingers seeking the injury and finding nothing. Had it healed while she was unconscious or did she imagine the injury? "You said my head was bleeding," she said softly.

"That's what I want to talk to you about, Hanami," Kaneki told her in a low voice, drawing her eyes back to him. Getting a good look at him, Kaneki's expression was hard indifference, but his eyes wavered with an emotion she couldn't place. "There was a wound, but it had already healed. I'm not sure if it was before I brought you here or after, but the only beings I know that can heal _that_ quickly are ghouls," he continued, his voice steadier than his eyes.

Hanami couldn't help but push herself upright at his words, her eyes narrowing. Kaneki could see Hanami's guard rising in her eyes, the vulnerability she had shown him disappearing as though it were a drop of water in a desert. "What are you trying to say? You think that I'm a ghoul?" she asked, her voice hard as stone as crimson irises iced over.

Kaneki's own eyes narrowed. "Are you?"

"No." The word was sharp as the crack of a whip.

"Was anyone in your family a ghoul? Your mother, maybe?"

"You have a lot of nerve bringing her up now."

Frustration bubbled inside of Kaneki to where he couldn't restrain himself. He seized Hanami by her shoulders, keeping her steady to face him as he glared into her eyes. In either equal frustration or defiance, she did not look away. He jerked her close, seeing the briefest flicker of pain cross her features as her entire body shifted, including her broken leg. "Why won't you tell me? Why won't you tell me _anything_ about you?" Kaneki asked, his voice soft in spite of his roiling emotions. "Even before this, before _all of this_ , I don't know a damn thing about you!"

"What are you talking about, Kaneki?" Hanami hissed, but he could see a strange emotion flicker in her eyes. It was fear, but not of him or what he could do. It was a fear of a different kind, the kind those who have experienced pain that no human should ever bear that birthed dancing shadows behind their eyes. Those shadows were invisible in Hanami's eyes before; but now that Kaneki glimpsed them, he would **not** let this go.

"You wanted me to tell you what had happened all these months, right?" Kaneki said those words carefully, watching every flicker in Hanami's eyes. "You wanted to know everything?"

"What's the point of that?" whispered Hanami harshly. "I gave you a chance to tell me before and you didn't take it!"

"I'm asking you to give me that chance now!" Kaneki's voice rose nearly to a shout, his grip tightening on Hanami's shoulders. There was a new desperation in his voice, one that didn't escape Hanami's notice. Just as it shook his voice, that same desperation was in his eyes and Hanami couldn't look away. Kaneki bowed his head, his eyes shielded beneath his bangs as he shut them, his fingers trembling against her shoulder that Hanami lost hold of her frustration.

"It isn't fair to ask you to trust me with your scars, not when I haven't told you mine. God, I almost lost you today because of all of this. You were out of my sight for too long and had I been just a fucking second later…" Kaneki's teeth ground together. The image of Hanami, broken, burned into his memory to stay forever. If he had been slower, had been unable to find her sooner…

The image in his head, the one Kaneki feared the most, was burned into his retinas. It glared at him starkly, tormenting him, mocking him for what he could have encountered in his incompetence. Hanami's body lying on the dirtied stone floor, soaked to the bone in blood, unmoving no matter how many times Kaneki screamed her name. _You lost her, you couldn't save her. You could hardly protect yourself, how could you_ _ **protect**_ _her,_ his mind hissed over and over. Kaneki shook his head once to shatter the image, to silence the voice in his mind. He couldn't fall to pieces, not here, not in front of her.

Hanami swallowed, watching Kaneki struggle with himself. Rarely had she ever heard him say such a vulgar curse; he _had_ been worried about her. _Or just obsessed,_ contradicted her mind swiftly, but Hanami forced herself to push that thought away. They were getting _somewhere_ , though the condition was less than ideal. She inhaled shakily, his name barely a whisper on her lips. "Kaneki…"

"You could have died today. You could have died that time in the alley too," Kaneki murmured, the stark reminder of blood coating Hanami's skin, her body being broken, bringing forth a torrent of anger. "When you asked me about leaving you there to die, I knew I…I couldn't. I remembered that time today."

Hanami tilted her head, a soft frown crossing her features. "You're shaking," she mumbled, feeling the tremors wracking his body, just from his two hands.

A dry, bitter laugh fell from Kaneki's lips that Hanami was sure wasn't directed at her. "Even when you try to push me away, you still wear your heart on your sleeve," he told her. Kaneki lifted his eyes then, meeting hers, as his right hand moved to twine his fingers into Hanami's hair, the uneven strands sending a sharp lurch into his heart. _Hanami was lucky the scrapper missed her neck,_ he thought. His hand moved then, without even a thought, to caress Hanami's cheek, his thumb stroking the skin gently.

Hanami opened her mouth, no doubt to say something, but Kaneki cut her off. "Even when I hurt you, even when I've made you cry, you still…" he paused, exhaling heavily. Hanami could feel her heart clenching with dread, as though the very next words he intended to utter would be the most devastating blow to her fragile heart. _Don't say it,_ her mind urged him. _I can't hate you if you say it._

Kaneki continued, his words soft as though he had considered them for quite some time, an unspoken anguish shining in his eyes. "I keep saying I need you when I don't even deserve the right to be by your side, nor do I deserve the right to have you at mine."

Hanami wasn't sure when the dam had broken. All she could hear was the beating of her own heart, too violent for this moment; all she could feel was tears scorching down her cheeks. Kaneki's eyes widened, both of his hands on her face now, his fingers catching her tears. "W-Why are you crying?" he asked softly.

"I hate you." The words left her lips in between sobs as Hanami's vision continued to water, but she knew those very words were empty. "I hate you for having me fall in love with you and then saying that to me," she sobbed, her eyes closing in a futile attempt to stop more tears from falling.

Kaneki nearly recoiled at her words. "Hanami…?"

"You don't get it, do you? You said you'd drag me back if I ever became free of you and you're right. You're right!" Emotions Hanami had fought to keep at bay, emotions she refused to allow to overcome her, burst free. She hated herself, despised how crippling emotions she barely processed had made her, and she desperately wished she could blame him for it.

 _But it wasn't his fault._ She knew that. If anyone was to blame, it was herself.

"I can't get away from you," Hanami whispered, her voice shaking as her eyes opened. "I've never been able to since the moment we met."

"For that long…?" murmured Kaneki, disbelief coloring his voice as though he could hardly believe what he was hearing. Truth be told, he couldn't. He knew Hanami wondered if he was safe, happy, and _alive_ ; he never knew the extent of her emotions went so far back.

Hanami nodded, knowing full well she damned herself. She tightened the noose around her own neck for that madness people called _love_ and she absolutely hated herself for it.

Kaneki leaned in, but he didn't kiss her; instead, he pressed his forehead against hers, his own eyes sliding close as his fingers continued to brush at her tears. Hanami could feel his breath coming out in soft, short bursts that she wondered if he was restraining himself from stealing a kiss. Silence hung between them, occasionally broken by Hanami's dying sobs as her tears were beginning to slow.

"Everything went to hell after that night." Kaneki's voice was soft, but it was enough to catch Hanami's attention. He didn't pull away from her and he appeared to not want to either. There was a sadness that radiated from him, one he didn't want her to see—but she could see it just as clearly. "After the…accident. The only ones who know the truth aside from me are my friends at Anteiku," he murmured. "I remember Hide telling Yuna about her after I told him not to say anything…"

Hanami frowned softly before the memory came swimming back into her mind. Yuna had come over to Hanami's apartment after she had missed a few days and then told her. "That night…you went on a date, right?" she asked.

Kaneki chuckled softly, pulling back to look into Hanami's eyes. "Yuna told you. I should have known."

Hanami nodded. "Of course she told me that. She was with me when…when Nagachika called and said you were hurt and…" Her breath caught in her throat at the memory, of Yuna's panicked expression as soon as she had gotten off the phone with Nagachika Hideyoshi. Yuna and Hanami had put on their shoes and made a mad dash to the hospital. The adrenaline spawned from panic and worry had taken over Hanami until the doctors had said Kaneki was going to pull through. The memory, to this day, still had that chilling effect on her.

"What I didn't tell Hide was that the girl who was with me that night…she was a ghoul," said Kaneki heavily, his hands falling away from Hanami. "She attacked me. I blacked out and the next thing I know, the doctor transplanted her organs into me. My body was becoming more like a ghoul. At the time, I couldn't control my hunger, so my eye would turn red."

"The medical eyepatch," Hanami whispered, low enough to barely be on the wind and yet Kaneki heard it. "You wore it all the time," she continued as though she had merely trailed off from her thought. "I thought that maybe something happened, that the accident hurt your eye somehow. But I never thought…" Hanami paused.

Kaneki didn't need her to finish. "You wanted to come see me when I was at the hospital, but I kept refusing. Even when I came back to school, I thought that pushing you away would keep you safe, that keeping this a secret from you, Yuna, and Hide would keep you all safe. I didn't want…" he stopped, the memory of his resolution from back then floating back into him. Back when he was powerless, weak, all he wanted was to protect those dear to him. The circle had widened when he got to know the ghouls at Anteiku, Touka, Hinami, Nishio; he would have continued seeing them as nothing but monsters if he hadn't been made into a half-breed.

Hanami kept her eyes on him, so Kaneki finished his thought. "I didn't want you to get hurt. I didn't want to _be_ the one that hurt you and I ended up doing that anyway, didn't I?" he murmured, his fingers aching to touch Hanami's face again, but he curled them into his palm.

Her eyes averted as her heart lurched at the pain in Kaneki's voice that Hanami wondered how much suffering Kaneki kept inside. "This is why you stayed away for so long? When you disappeared?" she asked softly.

Kaneki couldn't bear Hanami's eyes being away from him. "It's one of the reasons."

"What's the other reason?"

"I wanted to be stronger."

 _Stronger_. Hanami could not doubt Kaneki was stronger. Having one's life turned viciously upside-down must have forced his eyes open, to show him the results of what would happen if he remained the same. "But there were shadows in your eyes long before this," she murmured absently before her eyes widened. _I said that out loud._

When she lifted her eyes to Kaneki, his eyes had widened slightly. Yes, there they were; those shadows Hanami had seen in his eyes long before they got to this point. They were there before the accident, on the day they met. _It's like Nagachika said,_ Hanami thought.

She and Kaneki were mirrors.

"Hanami?" Kaneki's voice, its slow register, drew her attention back to him. "Why are there shadows in _your_ eyes?"

It was only fair; he told her what she wanted to know. It was only fair she answer.

Her throat constricted, her pulse racing, a droning in her head that got louder, _louder_. Water was rushing, her lungs burning as the room spun, as she plunged into a pitch black ocean. She could hear it, sharp and screeching.

" **DEMON! YOU ARE NOT MY CHILD!"**

It seared into Hanami's ear canal, etched onto her skin, draining her as hands wrapped around her throat. She was back in that house, back to an empty existence, her body seizing to get air and failing as fire and ice battled inside of her. The hands that were supposed to care for her, were wrapped around her neck, suffocating her; the pain she swallowed dug into her back, her arms, her legs; she tried to seize those memories, grasp that pain about its neck, and force it down, drowning it-

"Hanami!" Kaneki's voice shattered the memory, his arms around her, jolting her back from brink. Hanami grabbed at his arms, her fingers digging into the sleeve of his shirt. She met his gaze, his eyes steeled with worry, before she realized she was shaking. The dam had truly broken, she realized. She could no longer bury her scars.

"What happened to you? It's like you went somewhere else," muttered Kaneki, withdrawing his arms from Hanami. He scanned her face, at how much paler she had gotten that even her lips went white, at the drops of sweat beginning to bead on her forehead. He frowned, his palm against her cheek. "… _Where_ did you go?" he asked.

Hanami shook her head. "You asked me if I were a ghoul before. I think…where I went back to may have had some merit after all."

"What do you mean? Back to where?"

"My house."

Kaneki frowned. "Do you mean your apartment?" he asked. When Hanami shook her head, ice filled his veins and his heart began to pump faster. If she was referring to her apartment, then…

"My childhood home. Where I was born and where…" The shadows became more pronounced in Hanami's eyes that Kaneki had a feeling about what she was struggling to say, the scars she was trying to put into words. He grabbed a hold of Hanami's hand, twining their fingers and feeling her tense at the gentleness.

"You don't have to say," he murmured. "Not this second. For now, you need to rest."

"Why did you ask me if I was a ghoul?" Hanami's question was soft, lacking the emotional bite moments before. "You said that my head healed fast enough to be…"

Kaneki cut her off, his voice stern. "Forget it."

"I can't." Hanami's voice was just as stern. "I can't forget it because that's the…" She stopped, her words trailing off. That had been nearly her entire life; people were quick to fear her for being something she wasn't. _But I never healed like that before._

If ghouls heal that fast, then could her mother have…?

Hanami never had an answer in regards to who her father was. The man was a mystery, merely a charlatan who had impregnated her mother and abandoned her and his unborn child. He wasn't worth remembering, that's what her grandparents had always told her. Yet how could they expect a child to remember a face she'd never seen once she breathed outside of the womb?

Kaneki frowned in concern at Hanami's sudden silence. Her crimson eyes were vacant, unfocused, as though she were lost in another memory. He couldn't wrap his own mind around it. The Hanami of his memories was reserved, curious. He barely saw those shadows in their university days, when things were simpler. In this moment, the illusions they had maintained fell away, shattering to the floor. Her eyes were just like his. _Maybe they always had been._

Kaneki stood up, the action breaking Hanami from her thoughts as he went to his desk to get a pair of scissors and then walked to the bathroom to grab two towels. She frowned slightly when Kaneki returned, silent as stone. He placed a towel on the mattress behind Hanami and wrapped another about her shoulder, his fingers gently tugging her uneven hair over the towel as he moved behind her. "What are you doing?" asked Hanami, remaining still despite Kaneki never telling her to.

"I'm evening up your hair. That's okay, isn't it?" Kaneki answered with a shrug, holding the scissors in his hand. Hanami relaxed, unaware of when she had gotten tense, and exhaled a breath. "It's okay," she mumbled. "You've cut hair before?"

"Mostly mine."

"Huh."

"What?"

"Nothing. Just never pegged you as someone who would cut someone else's hair. Or even your own for that matter."

"I don't know whether to be offended or take that as a compliment." Kaneki began to snip at the longer strands of Hanami's hair, aligning the strands with his fingers to keep them even. He felt a sharp sting in his heart as each strand fell onto the white towel he placed behind Hanami. Hanami had kept her hair long; it was one of the constants about her that was changed in her being there with him.

Silence settled upon them as Kaneki cut Hanami's hair, her hair no more than a cap of curls save for the long strands that framed her face. When Kaneki neared the scissors to those strands, Hanami broke the silence. "Leave them," she murmured. "I like them this way."

"If you're sure." Kaneki moved from his spot behind Hanami, watching as she lifted a hand to feel at the ends of her hair. The short, curled strands bounced slightly at her touch before she lowered her hand to the bed. He walked over to his bureau. "We should have you change out of that thing. I imagine it's uncomfortable for you," he said, rummaging through the drawers.

Hanami narrowed her eyes at the male. "I can do that on my own."

"Let me help you, Hanami." Kaneki's words were concise, sharp, leaving no room for a debate. Just as easily, his voice was soft. Tender, even. Despite the power he exuded, Hanami could see the remnants of the Kaneki she fell in love with even more than the moment they had met again. When Kaneki turned around, a pair of jogging pants and a long-sleeved shirt in his hands as he walked back to her, Hanami exhaled to calm herself. Of course she was going to need help. All he did was offer to do so.

Kaneki set the clothes beside Hanami, moving carefully behind her to find a zipper or fastener on the dress. Heat fused in the white-haired male's cheeks when his eyes caught the glint of the zipper on the back of the dress. His thumb and index finger were around the zipper, the metal cool to the touch, and Kaneki swallowed dryly. He knew that, though he was willing to help Hanami, he had never assisted in undressing a girl before. Much less a girl he lusted for with every cell in his body…

Kaneki shook his head violently. _Now isn't the time,_ he chided himself before he pulled the zipper down, freeing Hanami from the ripped dress. The off-shoulder sleeves inched slowly down Hanami's arms and she visibly tensed as though feeling his eyes on her. Kaneki averted his eyes as he drew the zipper to its end; Hanami shifted to hold the top of the dress to her chest in his periphery as she reached for his shirt, pulling it over with one hand as she left the top of the dress fall. Kaneki's eyes flickered to Hanami's bare back, beginning to internally curse himself for doing so—before he stopped himself.

It was for the briefest second, but it was enough for him to see it before the shirt covered her; Hanami's back had faint scars, as though caused by a whip. It sent chills down his spine. She glanced back at him, her red eye trying to glimpse him in her periphery. "What?" she murmured.

"Nothing," Kaneki responded immediately, averting his eyes again with flushed cheeks. Hanami was silent before he heard the rustling of fabric and drew his attention to her shimmying the dress from her hips to the best of her ability. Kaneki moved then, his hand curling into the skirt of the dress and gently tugged it, minding Hanami's broken leg as the article glided down her legs. He grabbed the sweatpants as soon as he tossed the dress to the floor and looked at Hanami. She looked fluster, her crimson eyes on him. "I'm going to help with this, okay?" he murmured, uncertainty catching in his voice. When Hanami nodded, Kaneki began to insert Hanami's injured leg into the pant leg first, keeping his movement careful.

Hanami barely flinched as Kaneki managed to get her broken leg into the sweatpants. He had often switched between rough and gentle in the warehouse, but this time he took extra care in being gentle with her. When he made a slight motion with his head for Hanami to pull on the bottom, she did so herself, gently pushing Kaneki's hand from the fabric as she shimmied the sweatpants on. Hanami exhaled, the comfort of the clothes easier on her than the dress. They were a bit big on her, but she didn't mind it at all. "Thank you," she whispered to Kaneki.

Kaneki nodded, his eyes darting to the floor. "You're welcome. Do they fit okay?"

"Mhm."

"Good."

Silence hovered between them, patient as they considered their next words, their further questions. Hanami broke the silence first. "I didn't ask, but, Kaneki, those…people. What happened to them?" she asked softly. Kaneki's eyes went back to Hanami, at the red eyes that now studied him, waiting.

The mask had return, the stone covering his face as Kaneki allowed ice to coat his voice. "They're dead."

"…Did you kill them?" Hanami's voice was soft, her eyes tearing away from him. She was patient for his answer this time, less like a frightened animal in the warehouse. There was no sign of fear in her eyes, no horror at what he could possibly admit to. There was a resignation emanating from her.

Kaneki answered her. "I did. Because they hurt you."

Hanami looked at him, her fingers curling against her lap. "You killed because of me."

"It isn't the first time. It won't be the last."

"Kaneki-"

"I refuse to continue in a world where you don't exist." His confession startled even him, but Kaneki wasn't going to take the words back. He watched as light pink dusted Hanami's cheeks, the rush of her blood calling to his. _A strange connection between us,_ he thought.

He reached for Hanami then, the palm of his hand against her face, his mask softening now. "There are things about you that I don't know, but it seems you aren't sure either. We can find out, Hanami," he added softly. "We can both find out, together, if you would let me stay with you..."

Hanami's eyes were at half-mast before she slowly nodded. She was mad; she had to be, to go back to him this way.

But Kaneki was also right. The moment he asked her if she was half-ghoul, it brought questions into her own mind; questions she didn't have the answer to and questions about her blood.

 _Was mother right about me…the entire time…?_


	13. The Voices

_So late an update. Due to personal issues, updates will be irregular._

* * *

 _Each lash was intended to cause her the most agonizing kind of pain. She knew that, even within the recesses of her childish mind. The cold, hard buckle was more than enough to leave lines upon lines of cuts, as if she was supposed to be beaten into her grave._

 _Yet her only crime was_ **breathing**.

 _"_ _Why doesn't mama look at me?" she asked as she sat on her grandmother's lap. The elderly woman sighed heavily, threading her wrinkled fingers through the child's hair. The strands were so like her mother's and yet the child is not seen as anything in the house._

 _The woman did not have the heart to deceive her grandchild, yet she had done so since the little girl had first opened her eyes._

 _It was those red eyes that drove her mother insane._

 _She gasped against his mouth, his tongue slithering inside to probe familiar territory. His body surged forward against hers,_ **inside of her** _; the fire scorched her, burning from where they were joined. His hands found hers, their fingers twining tightly; her legs wrapped around his waist, wanting him impossibly deeper; he touched her most intimate place, intending to make her scream his name over and over until she could no longer think of nothing else._

 _She did scream when he broke the kiss and his teeth dove deep into the flesh of her shoulder with near ripping intentions…_

 _The first sound she ever heard was the wailing of a child being born, a cry all infants do once they take their first breaths. Where was her mind this entire time? Why was she alone? Her eyes burned, a familiar soreness as if she had been crying. Were the tears of joy? Of sadness?_

 _People swathed in white brought a pink bundle to her and her leaden arms automatically reached for the bundle. Within its softness was a tiny face and tiny hands curled into fists. The small thing instinctively sought her warmth, its cheek soft against the skin of her shoulder._

 _The people surrounding her were speaking to her, their voices so loud that they grated her ear canal._

 _"_ _What would you like to name your daughter?"_

 _"_ _Who is the father?"_

 _"_ _You have a healthy little girl there. Take good care of her."_

 _"_ _Are those people in the waiting room your family?"_

 _This baby was…_ _ **hers**_ _?_

Hanami's eyes slowly opened before she could even find it in herself to muster the energy to do so. She was aware of where she was; she harbored no illusions of being back in her own bed, not when his scent surrounded her.

 _A strange dream_ , she thought to herself, but she didn't dare push herself upright on the bed. She didn't want to further damage her broken leg, and yet all it did was raise more questions in Hanami's mind. Part of her still adamantly refused the possibility, while the other part of her questioned her bloodline. Was she, Makine Hanami, a ghoul and had never realized it all this time?

 _It can't be,_ Hanami thought. Ghouls had to eat human flesh and can't eat foods that humans do. Even Kaneki, a half-breed by a cruel twist of fate, had to eat human flesh. Hanami had no such appetite, not even an inkling of the instinctual desire to find a human to consume. _Wouldn't that hunger be the component of one being a ghoul? Even for a half-breed?_

Nothing made sense, but Hanami could feel that ever since she opened her eyes to the world as an infant. Nothing ever made sense. Everything she had been in her childhood home was gone, erased, and _destroyed_. She was not the little girl of her memories—hardly had she ever been a little girl, if she were truly honest.

Shaking her head, Hanami pushed herself upright, her weight supported by her palms on the soft mattress. She recalled snippets of before she had fallen asleep; after Kaneki had cut her hair and helped her change clothes, they had spent a few hours in silence. Kaneki hadn't brought up his questions about Hanami being a half-ghoul again, though she knew he still had suspicions; suspicions she shared about herself, doubting the purity of her blood in her claims of being human.

 _I should not have healed_ _ **that**_ _quickly._ Hanami knew that, even as the thought crossed her mind. Her right hand lifted to the back of her head, feeling for even a bump to prove that she was injured—or to prove her humanity—and her fingers finding none. A strange, heavy feeling settled deep inside of her chest, a weight that she hadn't realized was supposed to befall her. _Just who exactly am I?_

Hanami shook her head again, hoping to dislodge the weight from her mind, before she looked around. The apartment was small, so she would have seen the familiar male, but she was alone. _He had to have left when I was still asleep_ , she thought before remembering the conversation before. Kaneki was willing to stay at Hanami's side so they could understand the odd regenerative capability of her own body. Hanami had only one place in mind to look for a clue, any sort of information that would point her to the answer.

The question was if she had to courage to step back into that place.

* * *

There was nowhere else safer than Kaneki's apartment for Hanami to continue to rest after her ordeal at the ghoul restaurant. Kaneki was relieved that Tsukiyama had seen her, yet still fought with the writhing guilt blooming deep into his heart. He had hurt her, the last person he wanted to cause any sort of damage to; he could not undo his actions, but he prayed that this time he could cherish her properly. A strange twist of fate this was, for back at Kamii, Kaneki had never seen Hanami beyond the light of a former classmate, a last link to his human days.

Between them now was something more than that. Kaneki considered this as blood coated his tongue and the roof of his mouth (ghoul meat, disgusting as always to the half-ghoul). There was an unfathomable thread between them that brimmed with an understanding of one another's scars. They saw each other's shadows, but Kaneki knew nothing that lay dormant in Hanami's shadows. All he could grasp were the defensive, almost animalistic reaction whenever her mother was brought up.

Hanami had an aversion to talking about her mother, a strong hatred for the subject even. It was an emotion Kaneki had never seen her exhibit before—though, if he were honest, he'd never seen Hanami express much in his presence before, except the apprehension in the warehouse and ghost smiles from their days as classmates. He had been absolutely clueless to her feelings for him, feelings she had obviously guarded deep within her heart. Spitting out excess blood, Kaneki's grey eyes steeled at the corpse at his feet. The pale skin of his hands were stained red, a color that he would have never thought to be dyed in throughout his life that had now become a part of him.

Rize's voice always rang in Kaneki's mind, urging him to feed, to rely on his instincts. Her voice even tried to sway him into devouring Hanami; but could Kaneki truly say that it was all in his head? The sweet scent of Hanami's blood roused the hunger that burned inside of Kaneki, enough so that he could salivate at the thought. If he had been mindless with hunger, he wouldn't give a damn if he dismantled the fragile trust between them; he'd have devoured her like a madman.

He wasn't mindless, however. He wasn't going to lose his senses just because of the siren's call of Hanami's blood. He was stronger than that.

Kaneki had far more important things to take care of. The question of Hanami's humanity was high on his list and he still had his suspicions that she was not fully human; however, it seems that Hanami did not have that answer and Kaneki opted to find out a lead in one of the ways he knew how. Licking the blood from his fingers, he kept to the shadows, leaving the remnants of his meal behind.

* * *

"It's been a while, Kaneki." Itori grinned at the white-haired half-breed sitting next to her, her fingers against the rim of her glass as she gently swished the red liquid inside. "Is there something you need? A drink, maybe?" she asked. Despite that ghouls were patrons of Helter Skelter, Kaneki did not come for a drink; it was for whatever Itori knew. Her information network was extensive.

"I need to ask you something." Kaneki kept his tone clipped, his hands atop the smooth surface of the bar, the fingers twining together loosely. "It's likely hypothetical, considering the statistics of it even happening in the first place…"

"Are you asking about the One-Eyed King?"

"No. I'm asking if there had been other instances of half-breeds being born aside from the One-Eyed King and me."

Itori barked out a laugh, setting her glass down. "Are you serious?" she asked, her voice slightly colored in disbelief.

Kaneki looked at her from the corner of his eyes before focusing on his hands. "Hypothetically speaking, can a half-breed be born not knowing that they're half-ghoul?" he asked, keeping his voice even. Any kind of clue that Itori could give him could help…

"Hm." Itori turned her gaze away from Kaneki, staring off into some distance in thought. "There was a rumor back in the day—probably before you were even born," she said in an off-handed voice. "There was this ghoul named Blood, or what we all could assume was his name. He was ruthless, had a lot of kills under his belt when the Doves tried to apprehend him."

Kaneki raised an eyebrow. "Tried?"

"They never succeeded, I think. Anyway, after a massive, one-man carnage Blood wreaked in the ward, he suddenly fell off the radar. No one knew where he went and haven't heard from him since." Itori lifted her glass to her lips, taking a sip of her drink before setting it back down.

"How does this story answer my question?" asked Kaneki, his eyes narrowed slightly. "Was Blood a half-breed who didn't know that he was?"

"No. He was born and raised pure ghoul. The rumor started around when he disappeared decades ago. Folks said he met some human woman and they did the deed," answered Itori, turning her gaze toward Kaneki. "Rumor has it that there was a baby that resulted from it, but there's no point in putting stock into it."

"Why not?"

"No one knew who Blood really was, much less who the woman he supposedly mated with was. If there was an ankle-biter from their rumored union, it probably died at birth since not one ghoul stepped up to claim that they were Blood's spawn. But then, that's where your question comes in, Kaneki." Itori lifted her index finger from her glass, a curious twinkle in her eyes. "If it was possible the rumored spawn survived, there's no way they wouldn't have known that they're half-ghoul—at least, if they're a healthy one."

"Healthy? As in…born healthy, in spite of the odds against it?"

"That's right. The worst case scenario is usually the half-breed being dead at birth, best case being it's one of those lucky few that survive the odds. There is, though, one other way it could have survived."

"What is it?"

"Some rumors go where there's a very small percentage of half-ghouls who aren't born right."

"What do you mean by _right_?"

Itori released her glass and laced her fingers beneath her chin. "First thing's first, kid. The least you can do is give me an answer on why you want to know. Unless you're planning on doing the deed with a human…"

"Nothing like that." Kaneki fought down the heat creeping to his cheeks, his body tensing at the female ghoul's words. Lust in that sense had creeped in his mind, but he was not going to admit that to Itori. "I don't know much about the ghoul world, so I was curious."

"Hm." Itori's eyes narrowed in what was familiar to Kaneki as suspicion, but she accepted his answer for now. "You know how humans suffer from defects? There's a rumored ghoul equivalent, with a half-ghoul."

The shock must have shown on Kaneki's face, because Itori continued, "Like I said, it's rumored. There's no proof whatsoever."

"What if it was true?"

"Then that kid, whoever they are, is extremely fucked up."

"Why do you say that?"

"The kid may as well have been born a human. There's no clear cut indication of what the rumored defects are, except for the fact that these defective ghouls are as weak as humans. Maybe even weaker, come to think of it."

Kaneki remained silent, but something in his expression must have still shown his confusion because Itori tossed in a final say in her explanation. "Think of it like this. If healthy half-breeds are stronger than the average, then the defective ones would be the weakest link in the chain. Or so the rumors go." The redhead female have a half-hearted shrug. "If there were any other proof aside from just gossip, I'd tell you to give it some thought of it being possible," she added.

"If it was possible, what should I be looking for?"

"If I knew that, I'd have told you already."

 _Point taken._ Brows furrowed, Kaneki considered what Itori told him. While it made sense, wouldn't it have been just as possible that the rumored spawn of a ruthless, bloodthirsty ghoul had never met their father? Thinking back to the brunette currently in his old apartment, Kaneki rummaged through his memories of their conversations. When her mother was mentioned, Hanami became very defensive, her guard built high to the heavens. But when it came to a father…

 _She's never brought up a father at all._

* * *

The sky was the lightest shade of grey. Hanami held the pillow close to her, resting her cheek against, crimson eyes fixated on the sprawling Tokyo. This city was her home, living within its concrete walls her entire life, as a normal girl.

 _When did my life change?_ The moment the question entered her mind, the answer followed on its heels.

It was the day she met Kaneki. Hanami knew that, deep inside, far deeper than she realized. They could have been living their normal lives, but they had been unaware of how the very fabric of their identities would change when they crossed paths. Even through her broken body, she could feel that to her core.

Broken.

Hanami reached to the back of her head, her fingers skimming along where she knew the blood had been when she received the injury. There was no bump beneath her hair, no mark, not a sign to show that she was injured there in the first place.

 _"_ _Are you a ghoul?"_

 _"_ _ **Monster!**_ _"_

The voices were returning, louder and louder, as Hanami buried her face into the pillow, clapping her hands over her ears. She shut her eyes tightly, the voices growing unbearable. Onslaught of words screamed into her ear, enough to make her bleed. The same words, screeching monster, monster, _monster_ —

"Hanami?" Kaneki's soft voice broke the screams and the warmth circled her wrists, gently prying her hands from her ears and causing her to lift her head, to gaze into concerned grey eyes. "Hanami, what's wrong?" he asked, the voices dying beneath his.

"I…" Her voice caught in her throat, the words she wanted to say fading from her tongue as Hanami's gaze fell away from his. She shook her head, bangs falling into her eyes. "It's nothing."

"Like _hell_ it's nothing." Kaneki's tone hardened, but when Hanami kept her eyes turned away from him, he softened his voice. "Hana-chan, talk to me," he murmured, using the familiar nickname and relishing how it fell from his tongue fluidly.

"It's nothing, I was just…" Hanami bit her lip, the acrid taste of a lie coating her tongue. Kaneki was reading her better now, sensing that her _nothing_ was truly something. She swallowed thickly, wishing that the nothing truly was nothing.

 _But the voices are getting louder._

"Hanami," Kaneki urged gently, releasing her wrists in favor of caressing her cheek to turn Hanami's face toward his. Those red irises that hypnotized him slowly lifted to meet his eyes and Kaneki could see a flicker in them, a flicker of a memory.

"Do you think I'm a monster, Kaneki?" asked Hanami, her voice barely above a whisper. Her eyes remained fixated on his, the flicker burning stronger with her question.

"Why would I think that?"

"When you asked if I was a ghoul…did you… _do_ you?"

" _No._ "

"Are you sure about that?"

Kaneki faltered for just a moment—a significant moment for Hanami as she pulled herself away from him. "I knew it," she whispered softly. "Nothing's changed."

He frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing." Hanami buried her face into the pillow, her arms banding around it. Kaneki knew what was happening, knew that she was closing herself off from him. His trembling flower was withdrawing from his touch, her petals hiding her fragile heart.

 _Nothing's changed_ , she said. What hadn't changed?

Kaneki sank onto the bed, but Hanami barely flinched. "I'm sorry," he exhaled softly, willing himself to keep his hands fisted against the mattress. "I didn't mean to upset you, Hanami. I just…I want to understand. I want to understand you."

"There's nothing to understand." Hanami's response was muffled against the pillow, her voice hardly rose. "There wasn't anything to understand, Kaneki. I should have just…" She trailed off, trying to curl further as if she was trying to disappear.

"What, Hanami? Talk to me. You should have what?" asked Kaneki, his brows knitting his concern.

When Hanami lifted her head, those rose red eyes had become vacant. Her next words chilled Kaneki to the bone.

"I should have never been born."


	14. The Traces of You

" _I should have never been born."_

Those words repeated themselves in his head over and over, until Kaneki was sure they were carved into his memory, until his hand was clenching Hanami's upper arm and her rose-red eyes were on his face. "Why would you say that?" Kaneki asked, his voice low. His vision was blurring and swimming all at one time, his head feeling too heavy for him to hold up.

Hanami averted her gaze. "You wouldn't understand."

"You keep saying that, but you won't tell me. Now who's keeping things from whom?"

"I wasn't the one who stayed away for months on end without a word!"

"That has nothing to do with this and you know it."

Hanami chewed on her lower lip, enough to likely draw blood. Kaneki frowned softly, loosening his grip on her upper arm while his free hand touched her cheek. She barely winced, far too used to Kaneki touching her face in some form, but Kaneki would normally see some variant emotion in her eyes. Apprehension, fear, vulnerability, something…

But there was none.

"Hanami," he whispered softly, stroking her cheek softly with his thumb. He paused, wanting to venture as delicately as possible. After being out, after talking with Itori about a rumor that could very well be probable, he had to be very careful. "Why do you think you shouldn't have been born? Did it…have something to do with your father?" he asked.

"Father? What even is a father? A man who gets your mother pregnant or a man who stays to raise a child with the woman he loves?" mused Hanami, shaking her head as her light-brown curls gently hit her face with the action. "Why even ask me about a man that I don't know?"

Kaneki's expression softened further. "You never talk about your mother either."

"There's nothing to talk about. She didn't want me to be born. She didn't _want_ me at all."

"Your mother loved you."

"You don't know anything about her, Kaneki. You didn't have to live with her."

"Then why did you ask me if I was the one who killed her?"

Hanami's eyes widened, apprehension dawning in her eyes, the first crack in the wall that Kaneki had ever seen. The first break into the wall to fiercely guard whatever secrets she kept inside, secrets that were a part in the very thread that was Hanami. "Why would I ask you that? We didn't know each other then," she bit out.

"Your mother was killed by a ghoul, wasn't she? Did you resent her for something out of both of your control?" He had to keep digging. He had to know what was so different about Hanami, why she was the way she was, how she healed so quickly after her ordeal in the ghoul restaurant. No matter what, Kaneki had to know.

Hanami's expression went through so many shifts in emotion, it felt as if their roles were suddenly reversed, with Kaneki asking for the answers that Hanami was withholding. "What do you want from me, Kaneki?" she asked softly, her voice cracking with an emotion that was as foreign to him as it could have been for her. "Why are you asking me this?"

Kaneki heaved a sigh. "Isn't it obvious? I want to understand you."

Hanami blinked once, twice, three times before she lifted a hand to the one Kaneki kept against her face. Her fingers slowly slid between his palm and her cheek, gently pulling his hand away from her face. "You never looked my way before now. What changed?" she asked.

"I changed, Hanami. Going through what I have has made me realize what was important to me," answered Kaneki, as honest as he has ever been with her. _Maybe this can put her at ease to tell me…_

She gazed at him curiously. "And that included…me?"

Kaneki considered her question, silent for a moment. Within the lull, he traced his fingers along Hanami's palm, marveling at how delicate that gentle hand was. "If I'm being honest, I think it always included you," he said, his voice soft. "I can't go back to those days at Kamii. If I could, we wouldn't be here now, but I made my choices. I have to live with that."

Hanami was silent as she lowered her gaze to their hands. It was so strange, to be here, with the one she loved above all else. Not strange in the sense of their circumstances, but more so of the surrealism of it all. Through it all, she was closer to him than she ever would have been in any other circumstance. Kaneki leaned in closer, enough to press his forehead to Hanami's. "Can't you let me in, just a little bit?" he urged gently, linking his fingers with hers. "I want to know why you think you shouldn't have been born."

Kaneki could feel the warmth from Hanami when she closed the distance enough to press her forehead to his. Her breath, warm and sweet, tingled against his lips with every inhale. He couldn't believe that he was as fragile as she was once. No, if he were honest, he was still glass in the clutches of his fate. He could shatter at any moment. Kaneki wanted to save Hanami from shattering.

Even if he had to taint her in his darkness to do it.

"If you want to know about me, there's somewhere we have to go," Hanami murmured finally, pulling back to look straight into Kaneki's eyes.

Kaneki tilted his head slightly. "Where do we need to go?" he asked.

"To where it all began," Hanami answered.

* * *

Amon sat his desk within the office. His mind kept wandering back to the Makine girl. She had looked no worse for wear, but her eyes was what struck the investigator as unusual.

Those irises, as blood red as the kakugan of a ghoul, held a shimmer of someone who was being hunted. The girl was as stoic and cooperative as one could ask for, but that hunted expression never left her eyes. Even when Amon asked if she was with the Eyepatch, she maintained that she had not been. Could Yuna had been mistaken before she drew her last breath?

Amon had dealt with the Eyepatch before. He thought he understood the Eyepatch a little and he had his suspicions that the girl was not entirely truthful about her encounter with Eyepatch. It would have been unlike the ghoul to suddenly take a girl on a whim.

While the other investigators speculated upon the identity of Eyepatch, dabbling in the possibility of he being the missing Kamii student Kaneki Ken, Amon couldn't help but ponder the very chance of the speculation holding true. If Makine Hanami was lying about her whereabouts, as Amon suspected, the only link between between Eyepatch and Hanami could very well be Kaneki Ken.

A frustrated groan coming from deep within his throat, Amon planted a hand against his temple to silence the pulsing headache. This was a long shot and the girl had vehemently denied being kidnapped by a ghoul, much less Eyepatch. Even with his suspicions, Amon had nothing to keep her in the CCG headquarters and he gave every inch of what he could to break her.

 _"I'm not protecting anyone."_

 _"Were you on a trip then, Makine-san?"_

 _"I was."_

 _"Your friend was worried about you."_

 _Makine Hanami flinched. That was the first reaction Amon had gotten. "She usually worries about me," she murmured._

 _Amon nodded. "She must have been a good friend to you."_

 _"She is."_

 _"I believe the correct tense is was."_

 _"What are you talking about?"_

 _Amon twined his fingers together. "Makine-san, your friend went to look for you. She wasn't the only one."_

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"Eyepatch was looking for you as well. Your friend came here on her last breath to tell me that the day he killed her."_

 _If eyes could recoil, the girl's would have. Her eyes trembled just slightly before her entire composure iced over. "She died…because of me…"she whispered._

 _"It wasn't your fault, Makine-san," replied Amon. "But if you could just tell me why Eyepatch is looking for you…"_

 _"I don't know anything. I wasn't taken by the Eyepatch. If I knew why he was looking for me, I'd tell you."_

Mado Kureo would have chided Amon for not following his gut instinct, but Mado did things his own way when he was alive. Amon was rigid, following things to the absolute letter. He wanted irrefutable evidence to hold over the girl so she could admit her connection to the Eyepatch. Yet that brought up even more questions.

What did Eyepatch want with the girl?

"If you continue to think this hard, your hair will catch fire," quipped the familiar voice belonging to Mado Akira. Her expression was stone when she entered the office, stopping by Amon's desk. "You did everything by the book, Amon. We had nothing to hold over the girl, so we had to let her go."

Amon nodded briskly. "I know. I just can't help thinking that she needs help."

"Or that she's possibly covering someone."

"We don't know that, Akira."

"Then maybe we should wait."

Akira had a point. One with something to hide could only go so far until they slip up.

Amon could only hope that slip up would happen soon.

* * *

Kaneki was more than ready once Hanami was, scooping her into his arms to venture back to her home.

She never spoke more about it once they were outside in the cover of night, but only gave its location: a townhouse, just a little ways in the outskirts of city. Kaneki vaguely wondered why she was so silent about her childhood home, about her past, about her parentage. She was so quiet in his arms, her expression one of stone. It was different from before, Kaneki noted.

When Hanami's stone mask was in surviving him, there were cracks; she faltered and the mask crumbled into dust at the seams as soon as Kaneki touched her face or kissed her lips. This mask bore no such cracks: it was so well-worn, rigid, no noticeable weakness whatsoever. Hanami's mask was resolute and Kaneki could very well feel it burning inside of her.

The hard edges of the city soon turned into the lush silhouette of the woods and Hanami's voice broke the silence. "We're almost there," she murmured.

"You can tell after such a long time?" asked Kaneki.

Hanami nodded. "To be honest, I never left that house."

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see. There it is, up ahead."

A large house was coming into view—yet Kaneki couldn't hide his shock as his quick pace slowed to a stop, until the building loomed over Hanami and himself forbiddingly. The house may have been grand once, but now it was decrepit in its age; the windows were shattered, the front door practically askew from being torn partway from the hinges; graffiti marred the proud face as weeds grew tall, unobstructed underfoot.

Hanami's arms slipped from around Kaneki's neck and the half-ghoul gently released her to her feet. She barely applied pressure onto her broken leg as Kaneki grasped her hand, their fingers twining together tightly like the stems of the weeds around them.

The night air was still, a silence so total that Kaneki vaguely wondered if he had gone deaf. Hanami squeezed his hand, a sign, and he looped an arm around her waist to help her toward the door. "You grew up in this house?" he asked softly. Hanami nodded, the short curls of her hair bouncing with the movement.

"It looked a lot prettier on the outside than the inside. Now the outside matches," she replied, crimson eyes trembling just a bit. It had been years since Hanami had been in the vicinity of this house, the childhood home she always knew. This was where her fate, and its irrevocable binding to Kaneki, began—in that broken, nightmarish house where she took her very first breath.

The open, rotting door was within arm's reach when-

"You don't have to do this." Kaneki's low, resolute tone surprised Hanami and she looked toward him. His expression became stone like hers had been, but it was of a sort to give her the choice to turn back. To change her mind.

She shook her head at him, her fingers leaving his as fluidly as water. "You wanted to know about me. To understand me. All this time was meant to bring us here—to bring _me_ back here."

Kaneki's grey eyes widened before he shook his head slightly. "Let me help you to the door before you hurt yourself at least, Hana-chan," he said. A ghost of a smile flitted upon Hanami's lips, here and then gone, as Kaneki gently helped her toward the entrance. Kaneki's arm slowly away from her as Hanami took in the sorry state of the house.

Her childhood home remained as empty as the day she had left. Hanami slowly limped inside, leaving Kaneki at the threshold of the only place that haunted her dreams ever since she was a girl. Red eyes carefully shifted, taking in the dust-coated walls as she walked deeper into the dark house.

The shelves full of books that Hanami had never been allowed to touch were still full of the multicolored spines, their titles mysterious to her as they were when she was smaller. Lifting a hand, she felt the embossed words beneath the pad of her index finger before she brushed over each character. Turning her head, Hanami looked at the photographs hanging on the walls, the glass's shine dulled by years of collecting dust.

 _But that picture…_ Hanami remembered it with every cell in her body; she had stared at it for hours in her youth. She walked toward it, her hand reaching to grasp the wooden frame and take it off the wall. Her free hand pressed against the class, sweeping to the left to unveil the face beneath.

Light-brown hair similar to hers hung to frail shoulders; skin pale as snow, like hers; eyes full-lashed, with intelligent, dark brown irises staring out at her; and a smile, a smile so beautiful that Hanami had only seen it in this photograph. Even now, it still mesmerized her that she hadn't even realized that Kaneki had finally followed her inside.

"Is that…?" Kaneki's voice was so close, a mere whisper, his presence so close that Hanami barely flinched. His grey irises fell on the photograph in Hanami's hands and he could feel the heaviness within her that took root and grew in this abandoned house.

Hanami was silent, unusually longer than before, and Kaneki felt himself intake air to repeat the question before she spoke.

"She is. She's my mother."

Hanami's grip tightened on the photograph, the edge digging into her palms, as she slowly held it out for Kaneki to inspect. He could very well see the resemblance between the girl before him and the woman in the photo, except that Hanami's eyes were unlike the woman's dark orbs. "This…," murmured Kaneki softly, his eyes rising, searching for Hanami's face but she kept it turned from him. There was no shock in his voice, but there was a curiosity; such a spacious home should have held hold fond memories for the brunette.

Hanami shifted, minding her bound leg as she kneeled down on the dirty floor, beneath where the photo hung. Kaneki followed Hanami's gaze, taking in the dark stains on the wall and floor that seemed to have been there for years. Hanami clutched the framed photograph to her chest, her eyes fixated on that portion of the wall. She remembered what happened in this room clearly; it replayed in her nightmares while it mingled twistedly with new ones. She reached out with a shaking hand, pressing her palm against the stain. "My mother was killed beneath this photo," whispered Hanami, her voice hollowed in such a way that Kaneki felt a strange emotion surging inside of him. His brows furrowed as Hanami's words sunk in, the feeling growing stronger until comprehension dawned on him.

 _Loneliness._

Hanami was exuding a loneliness that felt so different, but also felt the same as the aura Kaneki carried for years. His gaze fell back on Hanami, at how still she was. His heart had beat five times before she spoke again. "This house holds many wounds," she murmured softly, the light-brown tresses of her hair shifting with the barest inclination of her head. "It was not a happy house. Mother and I were the only ones who lived here. I never met my father; mother had said he had run off and never returned before I was born, so grandmother and grandfather had come to help her while she was pregnant with me."

Kaneki frowned. "Then why wasn't this a happy home for you?"

A wry smile curved Hanami's lips as she turned her head to look up at him. "Because I have the eyes of a demon, Kaneki."

The words left her lips so effortlessly that Kaneki nearly took a step back. His eyes widened as his eyes locked on Hanami's, the unwavering irises stealing his breath. He was looking at her— _really looking at her_ —and he could see the sorrow in her eyes that had never been revealed before. Kaneki found himself kneeling beside her before he even thought to do so, keeping his eyes on hers. "Hanami," he said her name carefully, as if each syllable of her name were glass, "what…did you endure in this house?"

"I said this place holds wounds, right?" Hanami broke eye contact with him, turning herself enough for Kaneki to see her eyes fixated on the floor. Her hand dropped from the wall and settled onto her lap as a darkness hooded her eyes. "I almost died here when I was six years old, by my mother's hand."

Kaneki was silent, waiting for Hanami to continue; but she turned her gaze back to the photograph. "I loved my mother. She was all I had, even when she called me a demon, even when she would try to strangle me in my sleep. Even…even when she was about to murder me right here in this room." Her voice trembled with emotion that Kaneki could only fathom how a mother could do to a child, at how much this revelation had stayed inside of Hanami for years. _What that could do to a person…_

His hand found her cheek and Kaneki marveled at how cold Hanami's skin was, watching as she leaned slightly into his touch and her eyes shifted to meet his. The silence was heavy between them, with only the caress of hand to cheek that Kaneki hoped would convey some sort of understanding. There had always been something about Hanami, the guardedness that was always there when they would chat back at Kamii but could never place until now.

There was a mutual pain and loneliness that Kaneki and Hanami shared, something that linked them together by invisible threads. Those threads brought them together and brought with it a further understanding of the mysterious, red-eyed girl he kept by his side.

The photograph of Hanami's mother clattered to the floor as Kaneki's arms wound around Hanami, bringing her closer to him. He embraced her tightly, the humanity that remained in him wishing she would cry out her pain in lucidity rather than unconsciously. Yet Hanami didn't make a sound, not a single sob though her fragile body trembled in his arms. Her arms hung loosely at her sides, her forehead pressed against his shoulder, and Kaneki could only hold her tighter in this room where she could very easily not have existed in his reality.

"How did your mother die, Hanami?" he whispered near her ear, a fierce protectiveness deeply seated into his core. He wanted to know, even if it were to be hard to Hanami to say; he had to know how a mother that harmed her child repeatedly had left the world, after attempting to murder her. He had to know what force protected the girl he held in his arms so that his and her circumstances collided.

"A ghoul killed her…and spared me. _She won't hurt you again,_ he said," Hanami whispered back.

To think a ghoul would save a human child. Had his fate not been cruel to him, Kaneki would still believe ghouls were monsters and that one would never save a human child on a whim. However, once he became a ghoul, his view changed; knowing Touka, Hinami, everyone at Anteiku, had changed him. The people he cared about had expanded to ghouls, the humans in his life no longer the solitary thing he had to protect.

"Don't think too badly of my mother, Kaneki. Please," Hanami pleaded, her voice trembling now. "I may have not forgiven my mother, and those nightmares haunted me for years. But…she didn't deserve to die like that and to leave me alone."

" _A mother wouldn't hurt her child if she loves them._ " Kaneki's voice was firm, his retort bouncing off the walls, anger sharp on his tongue like the taste of blood. "How you can still have love for her when she could have murdered you, Hanami?"

"I was almost murdered by a ghoul when I saw you again, Kaneki. A ghoul saved my life when I was a child, a ghoul saved me in that alley, and a ghoul saved me from that restaraunt." Hanami pulled back enough for Kaneki to look into her eyes. There was nothing but sweet forgiveness shining in the sea of crimson that a calm washed over him. Even after Kaneki had taken her, played a horrific mind game on her, Hanami still forgave him. She didn't even talk about being set free anymore; she chose to stay with him.

Hanami took Kaneki's hands in hers, getting to her feet and gently pulling him up. Her eyes flickered as she moved silently, a ghost in her own home, as her hands slipped from Kaneki's. The male followed her to a staircase behind the stained wall, watching her limp up the few steps before following her lead. The trek to the second floor of the house seemed endless as Hanami took in her surroundings before she turned to the right and walked toward the first door. Her hand grasped the doorknob and twisted it, pushing the door open. Kaneki was close behind her, watching from over her shoulder as Hanami entered what seemed to be a little girl's room.

The dusted walls were a vibrant powder pink, with assorted colored flowers and butterflies tacked on. Innocent things that a small girl would have. The ceiling had blue and pink butterflies taped on, right above a small bed with dulled, white sheets topped with pillows and a small plush bear with a red ribbon round its neck. Hanami limped toward the child-size bed, carefully laying herself down. Despite the size of the bed, Kaneki walked to the other side and sat down on the other side. Hesitantly, he lay behind her, slowly looping his arm around her. Hanami raised her arm so that his could rest against her side; her hand slid over his, interlocking their fingers. The closeness had her heart pounding deep inside.

The silence was different here in this room; there was a comfort that neither of them had ever known before, even in a house where nothing but pain existed.

Hanami was the first to break it. "Kaneki?"

"Hm?" He hummed, nuzzling his face against the back of Hanami's shoulder. He waited, thinking she would flinch away. When she didn't, Kaneki remained still, inhaling Hanami's scent.

"Weren't you ever scared? To be a ghoul, I mean."

His lips curved upward slightly at her question. "Of course I was. Sooner or later, I'd have to give up school, Hide…and you."

"Why me?"

"I think it was because, outside of Hide, you were someone who could…understand me. You wanted to understand me. I think that's what drew me to you the most."

Kaneki squeezed Hanami's fingers, marveling at how warm she was with their bodies so close like this. He could feel her heart beating so close to his and that comforted him. "After everything that happened, all I could do was watch you for months and hope that you were doing okay. You kept looking at the posters on the board," he murmured.

"I just wanted to know if you were okay. That you were happy," replied Hanami. "You've been through so much and…and I hate myself for not being attentive enough to realize you were struggling alone."

"Hanami-"

"I'm so sorry, Kaneki."

Her apology caught him off guard and Kaneki raised his head slightly from its place against her shoulder to see her bring his hand to her face. He felt her lips brush against his fingers, so softly and so gently, that his throat tightened. A feeling unlike the protectiveness he had toward Hanami, only stronger, would have very well brought him to his knees had he been standing.

"You haven't told me much of what happened to you, Kaneki." Hanami carefully turned, keeping his hand in hers, so that she could see him. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, but she didn't turn away from him. "I was wrong to demand the answers out of you. You should tell me everything in your own time and when you do, I'll listen."

"Why?" whispered Kaneki, his eyes searching hers for the answer, only for Hanami to smile softly and press another gentle kiss to his fingers.

"Because I love you."

And never had Kaneki Ken ever felt at such peace with the red-eyed girl, in this dark house that was filled with her traces. If he could erase the painful memories, he would. But for now…

He wanted to stay here, in this moment, surrounded by her.


	15. The Emperor and The Empress

_Lookey here, I update right after TG:re premiered!_

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He wanted nothing more than to stay in this disintegrating house, frozen in time, with his arms around his trembling flower.

Kaneki lost count of how many hours he and Hanami had spent laying on her childhood bed deep within the bowels of her former home. His heart barely lurched with the rushed concern to flee some place before any human or investigators caught him. The house, with all of its scars mirrored inside of Hanami's soul, was forgotten by the world past the boundaries of the land it stood upon.

Hanami's fingers remained twined with his, their joined hands laying close to her face. Kaneki could feel her breath against his fingers, a cool breeze skimming his flesh. Even now, the sweet, floral scent that he had come to associate with Hanami permeated through the entire room so that he would be drowning in it. He nuzzled her shoulder, the warmth of her having a calming effect on him. "We should get up," he murmured. "I promised we were going to find out more about you before we came here."

"I'm sorry. I lost track of time." Hanami's words were slurred and Kaneki could tell from how relaxed her body was against his that his girl was exhausted. He pushed himself upright, his fingers slowly slipping from hers.

"You don't have to apologize, Hanami. Just lay here and rest for a while. You relived a lot," he murmured, his fingers suddenly threading through the short, light-brown strands as though it were second nature. "I'll look around, see if I can find anything and bring it so you can look at it. Sound good?"

Hanami nodded slowly, her lids fluttering as though a weight were upon them. "Sounds good," she echoed softly. A knot tightened deep inside of Kaneki as he reluctantly ceased stroking Hanami's hair. He didn't want to leave her to sleep by herself, even though he was still going to be in the house looking for clues. After what he learned about her so far, about her memories inside of this rotting corpse of a house, Kaneki would be loathed to leave Hanami alone with her nightmares; but his flower looked serene for once, the combative mask in their power struggle giving way to a peacefulness that seemed to be so rare on her expression. He sighed inaudibly, bending down to brush his lips against the corner of Hanami's mouth. Not _quite_ a kiss, but…

Hanami barely stirred and Kaneki didn't expect her to. He straightened up, grey eyes softening at her, before he walked out of the room. His very instincts were screaming for him to go back, to just lay in that bed with her and let everything pass them by. _But I can't right now,_ he told himself, the aged floor creaking with every step he took down the hallway of the second floor. His flower gave him the sweetest gifts he could ever want—her forgiveness for his sins and her heart long ago. She unveiled absolute vulnerability that was not forced by his hand. The least he could do was become better, stronger, and more resilient. Selfish as it was, Kaneki did not want his place threatened among those he cared for—that had always been his goal. For his place, for those he cared about, he would remove anything in the way.

 _But with Hanami…_

Kaneki paused, his fingers grasping the feeble railing that would prevent him from hurling to the floor, had it been in its prime. His thoughts returned to his girl, his fragile little flower, his heart racing wildly within his chest. If anyone ever threatened his place at her side, there would be no debate. That threat would be annihilated with upmost prejudice.

 _You were the biggest threat to her,_ a voice inside of him whispered and Kaneki gritted his teeth with a rough shake of his head. He knew that, knew that he caused her so much pain with his manic need for her, to taint her with his darkness. _I can make it up to her now. I won't hurt her again._

The white-haired male pushed himself forward, his fingers uncurling from the rotting railing. He had his resolve in his grasp and he would protect her better. The softness reserved for Hanami was replaced with hard steel as Kaneki ventured down the darkened hallway. If this house was human corpse laying on the slab in a hospital and cut open, he was sure the insides would be liquefied. The stench of decay was strong and it planted a seed of irritation inside of him.

A sharp jolt tugged at his innards, as though a mysterious magnetic force, to a door that would have appeared to be locked when the house was in its prime. The knob was silver once, but rusted with age, and the hinges were decrepit and the diseased wood was barely held. The tug deep within Kaneki grew stronger, as if the answers he and Hanami were looking for hid behind that door. He stretched out his arm, his fingers barely brushing against the rusted silver before the knob wobbled loudly, fell from its socket and crashed to the floor. _I'm surprised it didn't turn to dust,_ thought Kaneki forlornly as he pressed his palm against the door and exerted a rough push. The door was freed from the rusted hinges with a sharp squeak and it slammed onto the dusty, rotting floor. Kaneki walked in cautiously, keeping his steps light. With how much the building was wasting away, he was happily surprised that the floor didn't yet collapse from his weight.

It was a second bedroom, with what would have been modest decorations. The vanity against the wall had fallen toward the right, one of the legs splintered. The mirror that was atop it had fallen with the rest of it, the glass cracking with few shards littering the floor. Moth-eaten, sheer lace curtains were strung upon rusted rings, giving way to the cracked window. Also moth-eaten were the bedsheets adorning a dusty, rotting bed. They might have been blue or white at one point, but that was not the case any longer. Kaneki shook his head, his eyes scanning from one side of the room to the other.

 _Was this her mother's room?_

A rusted gleam caught his eye near the vanity and Kaneki's eyes fell onto it. He walked toward the corner of the vanity, kneeling gingerly in front of a dusty, aged, wooden box. He reached out, planting his palm against the worn wood as the fingers of his free hand grasped at the rusted lock. With a rough jerk, he yanked the lock from the box, watching as it practically disintegrated in his hand. Frowning softly, Kaneki pushed the lid of the box open.

Inside were yellowed envelopes, their faces blank. _Cards? Keepsakes? Letters?_

Maybe this could be something, something that would help Kaneki understand Hanami—and help Hanami understand herself. He shut the box and lifted it carefully into his arms, exiting the stifling room. He crossed the distance quickly, entering Hanami's childhood bedroom in the matter of seconds with the box.

Hanami's breathing was steady, soft, and when Kaneki sat beside her on the bed, he set the box at the foot. His hand was at her shoulder as he bowed his head close to hers, his lips barely brushing her earlobe. "Hanami," he murmured softly, gently shaking her. "Open your eyes."

Hanami's face flinched slightly, her lashes fluttering for a moment before she blinked. She turned her head slightly and Kaneki ghosted his lips against her forehead. "You're back already?" she whispered groggily. She pushed herself upright as Kaneki pulled back, his free hand grasping at her other shoulder to help her upright. "Did you find anything?" added Hanami, lifting a hand to rub at her eyes.

Kaneki vaguely wondered how many tears Hanami shed in this room before he banished the thought. That was something for another time. He twisted around to grab the box, turned back to look at Hanami and settled it onto her lap. "I found this box in the room down the hall. It's full of envelopes, so I don't know if they're cards or letters," he replied.

Hanami's eyes fell on the box and her expression softened. "The room down the hall," she murmured, "that was my mother's room."

"Have you seen the box before?"

"No. She always kept it locked and had the key on her at all times. The door locked from the outside, so I could never sneak in."

Hanami lifted the lid carefully, reaching in to pull out one yellowed envelope. "They don't have anything written on them. They must have been delivered personally," she said, her thumb sliding to the flap. "It's been opened. Mama must have read them all when she received them."

Kaneki frowned at the mention of Hanami's mother. The woman in the photograph, the woman that Hanami still loved despite the bitterness inside, was becoming a source of anger for him. The woman brought his flower into the world. Why would she deprive this dark world of that very flower in front of him? _I guess when we find that ghoul who saved her, I'll have to thank him,_ Kaneki thought.

The rustling of paper brought Kaneki back from his thoughts as Hanami pulled out a pristine white sheet of paper. Crimson eyes scanned it before widening, her lips parting slightly. Concern immediately shot through Kaneki, his hand reaching for Hanami instinctively. "Hanami? What's wrong?" he asked.

Hanami's lower lip trembled, her fingers tightening around that scrap of paper, crinkling it. "Dearest Yukiko," she murmured and Kaneki's eyes widened. _She's reading the letter…_

Hanami continued, her voice trembling. "I'm sorry that I had to leave you and our unborn child. It is too complicated to explain in a letter and someday, when I return to you, I will be able to explain everything properly and I pray that you are able to forgive me." She stopped, swallowing, her throat working, her teeth burrowing into her lower lip.

The concern reached fever pitch and Kaneki's hand was on Hanami's shoulder. "What's wrong? Talk to me," he urged, his eyes searching her face. Those rose red eyes that he loved so much were suddenly troubled and Kaneki despised that look in her eyes. "Hanami?"

"This letter," whispered Hanami, her voice as fragile as glass. "There's no sign off, but…Kaneki, I think…"

"What? You think what, Hanami?"

"I think this letter was written by my father."

Kaneki's eyes widened as Hanami lowered the letter onto her lap, her eyes wide. Her irises were still trembling, troubled. She was becoming distressed, something that Kaneki could taste in the air. She reached into the other box, her hand shaking, and she flipped the lip of the envelope up to pull out another letter. Her eyes scanned the page silently, her teeth nearly tearing into the skin of her lower lip and the distress mounting in her eyes. "This letter is older," she murmured. "Probably before I was…"

Kaneki's hand closed over the one holding the letter, the hand on Hanami's shoulder falling away from it to gently pry the letter from her grip. His eyes fell onto the elegant handwriting on the page, the words from a stranger—but yet that stranger was likely Hanami's father. "Don't torture yourself," Kaneki said softly. "These were likely all letters written to your mom whenever he was away."

"But…" Hanami's eyes lifted to his and Kaneki could read everything in their depths. "I want to keep reading them, Kaneki. I have to-"

"What are you hoping to find, Hanami?"

"A clue, something to give me a clue about the man who…who could be…"

She couldn't get the word out, her distress too much for Kaneki. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her close, his hand against the back of her head. He couldn't stand that look in her eyes—it reminded him far too much of himself. "We don't know if he is a ghoul, Hanami. We could be wrong," he said.

"But then why?"

Hanami's question, in such a soft voice that it was barely tickled at Kaneki's ear, sounded broken, worn away.

"Why what?"

"If my father isn't a ghoul, then why did my mother hate my eyes so much?"

 _Her eyes._ Kaneki's arms banded tighter around Hanami. How could her mother hate those unique eyes?

"Mom…she used to say it was recessive gene, but…why? Why did she still call me a demon?" Hanami whispered.

Kaneki shook his head. "You're not a demon, Hanami."

" _Then why?!_ " Hanami pulled back, her expression twisted in pain. Kaneki felt his throat constrict at the sight, his arms slowly falling away. Hanami brought her hands to her face, her body trembling, her chest heaving with every shallow breath she took. "Why did she hate me so much? Why did she try to kill me over and over again? _My own mother would sooner have drowned me at birth just because of my eyes!_ " she snapped. "Even after she died, people would ask me was I a ghoul when they saw my eyes. So why? _Why?!_ "

"Calm down, Hanami, please. You'll make yourself sick getting so upset." Kaneki kept his tone even, gentle. Just two letters and Hanami was falling to pieces; he should have been more careful, looking through the letters himself first.

"Why, Kaneki?" Hanami's hands slowly lowered from her face and Kaneki's eyes widened at the sight of tears beading in her eyes. "Why did my father leave? Why is it that my own mother couldn't love me?"

Gritting his teeth, Kaneki lunged forward, embracing Hanami tightly as she fell back on the bed. Her gasp reached his ears, her scent surrounding him as he buried his face into her neck, he kept his arms around her, pinning her to the mattress. Hanami's chest heaved against his, each frantic heartbeat just mere inches from his own. "Listen to me, Hanami," he began harshly against her skin. "You're not a demon. You're not a monster. You're the most amazing person I know. You're smart and kind."

"But…Kaneki? If…If my father was a ghoul…" A sob escaped her lips even though Hanami was trying to restrain it. "If I'm a ghoul too, then…"

"Then I'll accept you." Kaneki pushed himself up, balancing his weight on his elbows so that he could see her face. Hanami's eyes were wide, ruby clashing with steel. The tears that she was trying to hold back broke free and Kaneki pressed his palms against her cheeks, his thumb brushing away the tears. "Whether or not you're half-ghoul, I'll accept you, okay? You know I'm half-ghoul and you accepted me," he added. "You've accepted me and forgave me after everything I've done to you."

Hanami shut her eyes, the tears still streaming down her cheeks. Her arms slowly wound around Kaneki, returning his embrace. Kaneki smiled faintly, lowering himself to press his forehead against hers. "Thank you," Hanami whispered, the words brushing against his lips. "Kaneki, thank you."

"Why are you thanking me?"

"Even after everything, you've never left my side…"

The white-haired male chuckled. "In that case, I should be thanking you."

"Why?"

"Because you loved me for a long time."

Hanami's eyes opened to look straight into his eyes. "Hey, Kaneki?"

"Hm?"

"Who was the first person you killed?"

Kaneki pulled back slightly, surprise in his eyes. "What brought that on?" he asked curiously, wondering why Hanami would ask such a grim question. Hanami's gaze didn't waver from his. "You said before, it wasn't the first time you killed people when you saved me," she murmured. "I feel like we've gotten so close that…I hope you can trust me to tell me."

"Hanami." Kaneki shut his eyes briefly before opening them. "Do you really want to know that?"

She nodded. "I do. Please tell me."

Exhaling heavily, Kaneki averted his gaze from those haunted ruby eyes. "The first person I killed…was a ghoul named Yamori," he said softly. Hanami was silent and when Kaneki returned his gaze to hers, he noticed that her expression had softened.

"Why did you kill him, Kaneki?" she asked softly, her hands pressed against his back as she slowly slid them up and down soothingly. "What did he do, to deserve your rage?"

Kaneki's voice suddenly became hard. "Because he tortured me to ends of insanity."

Hanami's eyes widened slightly, but she was silent and Kaneki took that as a sign that she wanted to know more. "He kidnapped me. He ripped off my fingers and toes over and over, while I counted back from one thousand," he continued. "He did everything to break my mind and I think he succeeded, even long after I killed him. I tore him into pieces, the way he did to me. I clung to every single number I counted to and in the end, I devoured him like he would have done to me."

He paused before bowing his head, his forehead once again against hers. "I remembered you during that time. I remembered everyone I ever cared about, but I saw you in my head too. I remembered the first time you smiled at me," he sighed. "I remembered wanting to see you again, so badly, so I could apologize to you for hiding things, for turning you away when you came to see me at the hospital with Hide."

"So why didn't you then?"

"Because I was scared, like you are."

Kaneki pressed the back of his fingers against Hanami's cheek, the skin cold and moist from her tears. Hanami's left arm fell from his back, but her hand reappeared in his line of sight to grasp at his hand. "I still have nightmares about that room," he whispered, "I can still hear Yamori in my head, telling me to devour the weak." He interlocked his fingers with hers tightly. "Telling me to devour you."

"Don't you need to? When was the last time you've eaten?"

Kaneki's eyes widened at Hanami's question before softening. "It's been a while. It's nothing for you to worry about."

"Shut up." Hanami gently pushed against Kaneki's chest for him to be upright as she pushed herself up. Keeping her eyes on him, Hanami tugged at the collar of her shirt so that it inched off of her shoulder. "Don't ghouls need to eat to keep their strength up like humans do?" she asked. "You need to eat."

Kaneki's brows furrowed, his eyes flickering to her bare shoulder. An urge to bite, to sink his teeth into her skin, bloomed deep inside of his body, knotting up his intestines and clutching at his stomach. "Hanami, do you know what you're asking?" he asked softly. "If you let me do this, you'll have a scar to remind you. What if you start hating me for it?"

"I'd rather have a scar to remind me that I'm capable of helping someone I love," answered Hanami, her expression softening. "So shut up and eat, okay?"

Hands grasping at Hanami's shoulders, Kaneki brought her to close to him, his lips ghosting the delicate skin. Her scent was enticing him, spurring him to bite, _to eat._ His lips parting, Kaneki's teeth pressed lightly against Hanami's skin, his tongue darting out to taste it. Hanami's body was relaxed, her right hand slowly finding its way into his hair. He shivered at her touch as he inhaled—

Kaneki's lips found Hanami's, his hand sliding to the back of her head. In her surprise, her lips parted and he took the opportunity to boldly deepen the kiss. He pulled away before she could respond, watching as her cheeks flushed a sweetly pink. Hanami blinked, her lips still slightly parted. "What was that for?" she asked, her voice barely audible even in the stillness of her childhood bedroom.

Kaneki's hands slowly fell toward Hanami's hips, settling there as he leaned in, his lips brushing against hers. "Hanami. _Hana-chan._ You're mine, right?" he asked as their breaths mingled together. Hanami shivered, flustered by their close proximity. They had been close like this before, when Kaneki would kiss her with a roughness that was unlike him. His kiss was different this time; it was bold, but gentle. There was a much deeper intimacy in the kiss and the way he said her name.

The flush in her cheeks slowly faded as Hanami lifted her hands to Kaneki's face, her fingers along the curve of his cheeks. His skin was so soft, such a contrast to the stone he tried so hard to be. Her heart beat so close to his, in sync, she was sure of it. "Aren't you going to eat?" she asked him, the movement of her lips against his sending an avalanche of chills down her spine.

"I'm not going to eat you," replied Kaneki, his fingers gently digging into Hanami's hips. Every second that ticked by with this contact enflamed an urge of a different kind, but he had to restrain himself, to keep his control. "But I want…I want to taste you, Hanami. Is that okay?"

 _One. Two. Three. Four._ Four heartbeats passed in the span of a minute, before Hanami's arms slowly wound around Kaneki's neck, her eyes slowly becoming half-mast. Her lips parted against his, her next words unraveling what little control Kaneki had left.

"It's okay…Kaneki."


	16. EVE

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS A LEMON. IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE IT, VACATE THE PREMISES. THE RATING IS MATURE FOR A REASON.**

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Their bodies were pressed together so tightly, he was not sure where on earth she began and he ended. In this moment, though, he found that he didn't care.

The kiss between them was burning, their lungs screaming for air before Kaneki pulled away, grey eyes clashing with crimson orbs. Hanami's cheeks were flushed, her chest heaving as she remained still, hands on his shoulders. Heat burned in his own cheeks as Kaneki's eyes trailed downward from Hanami's face, from her breasts down to the subtle dips and curves of her body concealed by the clothes he had given her. He wanted to taste her, every single bit of her. His heart thundered from deep within his chest and his body was on fire that he couldn't resist.

"Kaneki?" Hanami's voice was barely a whisper as her hands slowly fell from his shoulders and Kaneki couldn't help but gaze at her, at her flustered expression and bright eyes. His hand caught hers, bringing it to his face and brushing his lips against her wrist gently. Hanami's wrist trembled against his lips as Kaneki gazed at her, grey eyes full of love for the brunette. "I want to erase your pain," he whispered against her skin.

The sweet pink that dusted Hanami's cheeks darkened into crimson so similar to her eyes. "The pain is a part of me," she replied softly. Her words had his heart lurching. Of course he knew that she had endured nightmares in this house, long before they met; it didn't erase the emotions that welled inside of him when she was emotionally raw before him.

"I want to erase every wound you'd endured, so that you never have a reason to cry ever again." Kaneki's throat tightened when the words left him, his heart beating against the protective cage within his chest. Hanami had endured so much; enough that they were so similar, him and her, but enough that he wished to take away her pain.

Hanami's eyes soften, the hardened crimson melting into shimmering ruby. "My wounds will always stay with me. I'm tied to them. But I realize that when I'm with you…I'm free."

 _Free._ Kaneki couldn't have found a much better word that brought Hanami to him. They were both shackled by their own pain, trying to smile for the world that saw them day after day.

Now, they were alone together and they no longer had to wear their masks; they were open to only each other; raw, bare only in the figurative sense. There was no need to pretend to be all right for the world, not when _their world_ now centered on one another.

Hanami's palm pressed against his cheek, her touch so soft and delicate that it nearly brought Kaneki to tears as he leaned into her touch. "I love you," he murmured, the first time he's ever uttered the words, the moment so _sacred_ to him. There was nothing but pure love in her eyes when Hanami gently brought him close to brush her lips against his. "I love you," she echoed softly.

Kaneki deepened the kiss as soon as Hanami's words left her tongue. She met his fervor, her arms winding around his neck. Chills raced down his back as Kaneki broke the kiss, only to trail his lips down to Hanami's neck in curiosity. She shivered in his arms, tilting her head slightly to give him more access, her breathing becoming shallow as Kaneki pressed gentle kisses along the column of her neck. When he latched onto her pulse point and suckled at the soft skin, Hanami let out a breathy moan, the sound so _erotic_ to him and sending shockwaves of heat to his core. He groaned against her neck, the soft sound vibrating through his flower's body and she exhaled breathlessly.

Sex was foreign territory for them both, something that was the furthest idea in their minds, but their bodies seemed to instinctively know what to do. Shyness heated his cheeks, but Kaneki's hands ghosted along Hanami's sides, his fingers grazing the curves he only touched with his eyes. When his hands found the edge of the shirt, Kaneki pulled away from Hanami's neck, satisfaction burrowing into him at the sight of the darkening mark he left on her flesh. Hanami's cheeks were flushed darker than before, but there was a look in her eyes that was new. It was startling for the white-haired male to see such raw, open desire in his lover's eyes.

 _But_ _I want this too._ Kaneki stilled his hands, his fingers digging into the cotton material of Hanami's shirt, trying to steady his breathing. "A-Are you sure…?" he asked softly, his heart rising into his throat. His body pulsed with unfamiliar heat, a knot twisting inside of him from nervousness or lust. Perhaps both.

Hanami nodded wordlessly, her arms gently falling from around his neck as Kaneki carefully, gently, pushed the hem of her shirt up. His eyes dropped to follow his movement, taking in every inch of delicate, pale flesh he exposed. He hesitated when he pushed Hanami's shirt up to her breasts, ceasing his movements. His heart hammered so loudly, he was sure she could hear it. His eyes trailed back down, drinking what he exposed of his lover: the soft expanse of her abdomen, the skin marred with faint scars; the waist of the pants she wore concealing the part of her he wanted to know and the slender legs that he was curious to touch.

Hanami leaned back carefully, jerking Kaneki from his wandering thoughts as his hands moved away from her. Her shirt slid back down, concealing her torso as the hem bunched around her hips. "Would this be easier?" she asked softly, red eyes fixated on him as she reached for his shirt to slowly push it up. Kaneki shivered, feeling Hanami's fingers ghosting against his skin, his stomach clenching at the brief touch. He reached out, fingers caressing Hanami's warm cheeks, watching as she leaned into his touch.

Kaneki dropped his hands from Hanami's cheeks when she pushed his shirt to his chest. Hanami swept the cotton material over his head, tossing his shirt to the dusty floor and her hands drifted to lay on his chest. Her eyes flickered to his, the desire shining in them, and Kaneki pushed Hanami's shirt up, not giving himself a moment to hesitate. As soon as he tossed the garment to the floor, Hanami's lips were against his, her body close to his. Kaneki broke the kiss for a moment, his eyes roaming down Hanami's exposed torso before his curious hands followed.

A breathless whimper fell Hanami's lips when Kaneki's fingers grazed her breasts curiously, her cheeks tinting a deep red. The reaction sent a shockwave of heat through his body, all the way to his nether region. His pants were becoming unbearably tight and Kaneki's cheeks darkened red at his own reaction. "Is this okay?" he whispered, his fingers grazing his lover's exposed breasts again, partially wanting to see the reaction she had when he did.

"Mhm." Hanami hummed, her expression twisting at the sensitivity of her own body, before Kaneki gently moved to press his body to hers, hovering just above her breasts. She lifted a hand to her mouth, her shimmering eyes watching his every move with curiosity and anticipation. Kaneki leaned down, his lips skimming the generous mound of flesh curiously. Hanami inhaled sharply, pressing the back of her hand against her mouth to muffle any sounds.

Emboldened by her reaction, Kaneki let his curiosity and desire go further, taking Hanami's right breast into his mouth. His tongue flicked against the hardening peak as her body arch against him, whatever sound she made muffled by her hand. Hanami covering her mouth agitated him and Kaneki lifted his head. He took Hanami's hand, lacing their fingers, grey eyes clashing with red. "I…I want to hear you," he murmured, barely able to recognize the somewhat confident voice as his own.

Hanami's body trembled beneath him and Kaneki leaned to press his lips against hers softly for the merest second. He began his trail, leaving kisses against every inch of Hanami's skin that he could reach, lingering on her scars and hearing her labored breaths aroused him further. When his lips barely skimmed at the waistband of her pants, Hanami squirmed nervously and it gave Kaneki pause. He could just so easily pull the garment off in one swift motion if he were anyone else; but Kaneki was his own self and he was not going to force Hanami into this.

This was their first time. He wanted it to be special, at least.

"Kaneki?" Hanami's voice was soft, bringing him back from his thoughts and Kaneki couldn't help but blush at the flustered state his flower was in. With her rosy cheeks and molten eyes, Hanami bit her lower lip, watching him curiously to see what he would do.

He sighed, his breath ghosting over her quivering flesh. "Hana-chan, I…are you _sure_?" he asked, grey eyes flickering. He couldn't help the insecurity that wound its way around his heart. They had gotten _this_ far; he wanted to give her a chance to change her mind, before they make the leap.

"I should be asking you that, shouldn't I?" answered Hanami, her voice still soft, barely above a whisper and Kaneki saw nothing but absolute love in her eyes now. It sent his heart galloping, his mind reeling, and he could barely catch hold of the surge of emotions flooding through him.

Happiness, acceptance, _love._

She was more worried about him being ready than for herself and Kaneki couldn't help the waves of love that filled his heart and washed away his doubts. He was more than ready now. Wordlessly, Kaneki moved, hooking his fingers into the waistband of Hanami's pants, gently tugging them, along with her panties, down. Hanami lifted her hips, assisting Kaneki in removing the garments off of her body, before she sat up from the bed, her hands anchoring gently on his shoulders. She leaned in, her lips brushing against Kaneki's neck and sending an avalanche of chills through him.

Her touch was as feather-light as her kiss, yet every nerve in Kaneki's body seemed to focus on the contact. He shuddered as Hanami's fingers caressed his skin, ghosting along his chest and drifting lower curiously. When Hanami tilted her head upward just slightly, her lips tracing along his jaw, Kaneki's arms wound around her and he angled his head, brushing his lips against hers. He kissed her with every fiber of his being, every beat of his heart, one hand cradling the back of Hanami's head while the other pressed against the small of her bare, scarred back. Hanami's fingers brushed along the waistband of his pants and at that moment, Kaneki just wanted them off; he didn't want any more barriers between them. He grabbed her hand, but instead of pushing it away, he boldly kept hold and guided their joined hands in pushing off his remaining clothing.

Hanami broke the kiss, but didn't widen the distance between their lips even while freeing Kaneki from his clothes. She kept her eyes on him, even when Kaneki managed to kick off his pants and boxers once they were down to his knees. Their bodies were finally exposed, vulnerable to only each other, and Kaneki placed his hands on Hanami's cheeks, grey irises searching her face for any hesitation that may have remained. Hanami didn't avert her eyes; instead, her hands softy grasped at Kaneki's wrist as she slowly fell onto her back, easing Kaneki to hover atop her.

When Hanami's hands slipped into his, Kaneki interlocked their fingers together, leaning down to press his forehead against hers. "Are you ready, Hana-chan?" he whispered, squeezing her hands.

Hanami smiled softly. "Yeah."

Kaneki positioned himself between Hanami's thighs, his breathing labored as the tip of his length kissed at her entrance. Hanami tensed beneath him, but exhaled to relax herself. He focused on that, on her breaths; every single one she took was every second she was here with him and he was with her.

"Kaneki?" Hanami's breath fanned against his lips when she murmured his name and he hummed softly to show he was listening. Hanami's slender fingers twined tightly around his, ruby eyes glistening. "I love you," she said, her voice strong in her declaration. "I love you so much."

Tears were beginning to prick at the corners of his eyes, but Kaneki swallowed thickly to force them back. Those words were so beautiful and there was something about saying them in this exact moment that brought forth so many emotions inside of Kaneki that he couldn't discern all save for one: absolute, unconditional love. "I love you too," he replied, his voice shaking from the swell of emotions that threatened to consume him. "I love you more than you know."

Hanami pressed her lips to his fingers, kissing them softly. "Show me how much?" she asked, and Kaneki was all too happy to oblige. Keeping hold of his lover's hands, he pushed his length into her awaiting body inch by inch. Hanami squeezed his hand hard, breathing heavily as her eyes brimmed with unshed tears as her body tried accommodating to the intrusion she so welcomed. She blinked once and the tears began to spill, the droplets chasing down her cheeks, as Kaneki pushed to fully sheath himself inside of her, his length pulsing. Her body took his, warm and slick, throbbing around him. The faint scent of blood reached his nose and his insides knotted.

"Hanami." Kaneki freed her hands to touch her face, his thumbs brushing at the tears. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, worry brewing inside of him that she was in pain, that he hurt her.

He was surprised when Hanami's arms wrapped around him, her palms pressed against his back, and her lips were against his in a deep kiss. When she broke it, looking into surprised grey eyes, she smiled. "I'm okay," she answered, her words labored from her heavy breathing. "It's okay, Kaneki."

Kaneki shifted slightly, the movement sending a sharp jolt of pleasure up his and Hanami's spine and wrenching a moan from both of their throats. He began his careful pace, pulling out slowly and pushing back in. Hanami clung to him, her hips moving to meet his as they shared breath, their slickening bodies locked in an intimate first dance. Kaneki leaned down to bury his head into the crook of Hanami's neck, inhaling the familiar scent of roses as he gradually picked up his pace.

She gave herself to him so sweetly that the emotions within him were bound to erupt. He was surrounded by her; her scent, her body, her heart, her _everything_ was his now, just as everything he had been and ever will be belonged to her.

"Kaneki." Hanami's whimper was keening, erotic, her nails digging into his back and Kaneki hissed at the pain and the pleasure of the sensation that followed on its heels. Hearing his flowers's voice, at how she said his name pleadingly, sent a surge of desire, pleasure, and confidence through him. Her body took his tightly, desperately, and Kaneki barely recognized the groans that escape him. One of Hanami's hands moved from his back to tangle her fingers into his white hair as she arched against him; Kaneki's arm wound around her, keeping her against him as he pushed deeper into her body _over and over and_ _ **over**_ without rest, his free hand gripping the worn bedsheet tightly, the metal headboard hitting the aged wall.

Their bodies were melting; he hadn't any doubt that they both could feel it. Kaneki forced himself to lift his head from Hanami's neck to look at her face, his grey eyes soft with complete adoration and love for her. He was mirrored in her eyes, her fingers threading through his hair and digging into his back, her sheath clenching onto his throbbing length. They were reaching their limit, he knew it.

Pushing his length inside, touching the deepest part of his lover's body, Kaneki leaned down to capture Hanami's lips with his, their breaths mingling as they braced themselves. With one final thrust, he his seed spilled inside of her and it triggered her own climax, her inner walls wringing his length so tightly that Kaneki nearly lost his mind. Their essences mixed inside of her as the kiss broke, breathing labored from the exertion. Hanami pressed a kiss to his forehead before Kaneki laid his head on her chest to listen to her heart pounding beneath her flesh. Her fingers combed through his hair gently, her free hand rubbing soft circles between his shoulders. "We jumped together, didn't we?" she asked softly.

"Yeah." Kaneki answered, his arms winding around Hanami tightly. He didn't want to let go, didn't want to lose this moment. He closed his eyes, continuing to listen to her heartbeat, as they slowly caught their breaths. He counted each beat in his mind, lulled by the strongest sign of her life. He opened his eyes, pushing himself up and carefully pulling his length out. Hanami watched him, her hands lowering from him, as Kaneki rolled onto his side and wrapped his arms around her, bringing her body close to his. He ran his fingers up her back soothingly and Hanami curled closer to him, her palm pressed against his chest.

Exhaustion seeped into his bones, but Kaneki wanted to tell her one more time, just one more time, before he drifted into oblivion. "I love you, Hanami."

Hanami hummed softly and Kaneki felt her lips brush on his chest, over his heart. "I love you too, Kaneki," she whispered, her voice slurred. Kaneki held onto her, his eyes sliding closed as sleep claimed him, his body and soul at peace.

 _He had fallen asleep_. Hanami turned in his arms gingerly to not wake him, sweaty strands of her hair clinging to the back of her neck, cheeks, and forehead. Ruby eyes darted to the foot of the bed, but the box wasn't there. It must have fallen to the floor during their lovemaking.

 _Lovemaking._ If Hanami was told her first time would be with Kaneki, she would have looked at whoever said that as though they lost their mind. Yet here she was, in the arms of the one she loved—the one who loved her back—her first time being the most blissfulmoment of her life. Kaneki's bare, slick chest against her back, Hanami could feel his breaths and his heartbeat. It reminded her; this was no dream and that they both were vulnerable and raw. With their breaths barely piercing the air, Hanami regretted nothing, the feeling of them meeting again under different circumstances gone. Now, she wouldn't change how they met again. She smiled softly, her fingers brushing gently along his forearm.

For the first time in her life, she felt _whole_ and she could finally, _finally_ , rest easy in this house.

* * *

Pale, slender fingers gently pressed atop the King and Queen pieces. The tops of those pieces digging lightly into the pads of her fingertips, blue eyes shimmered in amusement as blue strands fell over pale, bare shoulders. "My, my," she murmured. "How things are turning out."

"What's on your mind, princess?" Uta's eyes darted to the stool where Himeko sat in the dim light of the studio, fiddling with the chess pieces in front of her. Himeko smiled, lifting the chess pieces and twiddling them in amusement. "I think that we're on the cusp of quite a storm," she said, looking at the pieces. "The Emperor and Empress are tangled in his tragic tale, I'm sure."

Uta smiled faintly as he continued working on a mask requested by a new customer, his eyes back onto his masterpiece. "What a cryptic little thing you are, Himeko, calling those chess pieces the Emperor and Empress. What on earth did your premonition tell you?" he asked curiously, his eyes alight with amusement.

Himeko dropped the King chess piece, watching it clatter on the tile floor. "I see the Emperor falling into ruin, unable to keep a hold of his Empress."

"And the storm?"

Himeko's smile deepened. "A seed's been planted, Uta," she purred, moving the Queen chess piece over a jar. She dropped it into the glass jar, her blue eyes watching as a pitch-black centipede began to crawl over the Queen, winding its long body around it. " _Someone_ won't be getting out alive."


	17. Storms

_Oh my god, I managed to update even though my new job is so hectic. I'll try my best to keep uploading._

 _By the way, I made a Ko-Fi page for y'all darlings to support my fanfiction shenanigans if you so want to. Here is the link for those interested:_ _/G2G2CQQ0_

 _I want to thank all of you who have followed this story as far as it is now._

* * *

 _Dearest Yukiko_.

All the letters began that way.

After managing to disentangle herself from Kaneki's arms without waking him, Hanami pulled her shirt on and picked up the box from where it fell after gathering the letters that spilled out. She sat near the foot of the bed, her back against the wall. Legs crossed with the open box sitting atop it, Hanami dug through it, careful to not slice her fingers on the aged paper. She pulled one out, unfolding it, her eyes taking in every word. From every dot over the _i_ , to every curl of the _s_ only fed her imagination of how mysterious a man her father seemed-by every written vowel, consonants, punctuation, endearments and flowery words.

Her parents were in love. Hanami could only think of her mother's replies to these letters until the one before her birth, at how her mother must have cherished her father…

"Hana-chan?" Kaneki's voice was soft and groggy, the underlying concern in the tone causing her to look at him. He sat upright, grey eyes focusing blearily on her before landing onto the box on her lap and the letters in her hand. "You're looking through them again."

"I had to," whispered Hanami, setting the letters back into the box before closing it. "I wanted an idea of what kind of man my father was."

The mattress creaked as Kaneki moved, his arm wrapping around Hanami's shoulder and gently pulling her against him. "And? What kind of idea did you get from the letters?" he asked, the fingers of his free hand running up and down her arm soothing.

"…He was awfully cheesy with the poetry."

"Your dad wrote your mom poetry?"

"Yeah, in quite a few of these letters to her. He must have been a romantic."

"An awfully cliché romantic, by the sound of your voice."

Hanami couldn't refrain the smile that ghosted her lips before it vanished. This house was a source for all of her nightmares, and yet here she was, in the heart of it, in the arms of the person she had loved for a long time. While Kaneki wasn't forgiving for what her mother put her through, Hanami couldn't help but wonder at the woman her father fell in love with. What glow, grace, and beauty did she exude in his eyes?

Was that grace in Hanami herself?

Kaneki was with her, his feelings matching hers in the most intimate way, but Hanami remembered back to their days at Kamii that he had went on a date with a female ghoul unknowingly. She remembered that hollow ache beneath her ribs that threatened to split her at the seams, at how her heart slowly clenched as if someone was squeezing the life out of her.

"Hana-chan?" Kaneki's voice drew her back from her review and Hanami turned her gaze to meet his. His brows furrowed over his eyes, lips thinned, and forehead creased in concern—it was the trademark expression of worry for Kaneki Ken, one that she recognized by this point. "What's wrong? Where did you go?" he asked.

"That female ghoul," The words were leaving Hanami's lips before she could think, "the one you went on your first date with?"

Kaneki blinked, confusion and curiosity intermingling. "What about her?"

"What was she like?"

"Why do you want to know that?"

"I want to know what drew you to her."

Hanami's eyes widened when Kaneki's arm fell from her shoulder—only for heat to rise to her cheeks when Kaneki push the box of letters from her lap to lay his head there instead, his arm banding around her waist. "Kaneki-"

"To be honest, I still know nothing about her," Kaneki murmured, effectively giving Hanami pause. "She only showed me what she wanted to, to lure me in so she could eat me. When the accident happened, she was killed and her organs were put inside of me." His arm tightened around her waist. "Even when I wanted to find out what I could about her, she was a mystery to everyone else. She just appeared. She was beautiful and cunning."

Hanami's teeth furrowed into her lower lip, a sharp pang of jealousy knotting her insides. _She must have been really beautiful for him to be interested…_

"Hana-chan." Hanami's eyes fell onto Kaneki's face, his grey eyes looking up at her. "Are you worried?" he asked.

 _Worried. Am I?_ Hanami averted her eyes, lifting her hand toward her lips. Her teeth bit onto her index finger lightly, uncertainly. She knew what jealousy was. Even though the female ghoul was no longer of this world, Kaneki had liked her. Hanami knew that much. She still remembered when Yuna told her about the date.

 _Yuna._ Someone else that weighed heavy on her mind. The investigator who questioned her had told her that her best friend was murdered by the Eyepatch ghoul and watched her so intently to see her reaction. She would damn herself if even a minute reaction gave way that Hanami knew more than she had lead the investigator to believe, until he let her walk out of the CCG headquarters with no evidence to contradict her story, much less convict her of fraternizing with a ghoul. Hanami lowered her hand from her mouth. "Kaneki…"

"Hm?"

"Did you…" She stopped. _I can't do it._ Kaneki was with her now, but it was at the cost of Hanami's best friend. Did that make her a cruel person to reach the point where she and the one she loved were together at the cost of her best friend's blood being spilled? "…Never mind," she whispered.

Kaneki frowned, noticing the dullness beginning to show in Hanami's eyes. "You can tell me, Hana-chan," he told her gently, his fingers digging lightly into the fabric of Hanami's shirt. "Don't keep things locked away or you'll get sick."

"I…When I was at the CCG, an investigator told me that Yuna was killed by the Eyepatch." The words tumbled out before Hanami could stop herself and when she saw Kaneki's eyes widen, bile rose up to her throat. "Kaneki…did you…" she trailed off, her lower lip trembling. She wanted to know. Kaneki had said he wouldn't hurt anyone important to her—and she had no reason to trust the investigator.

 _But…_

Movement caught her attention. Hanami's eyes widened at the sight of Kaneki's hand clutching at his hair, strands of white hair peeking between his fingers. His body began to curl into a fetal position, soft noises leaving his throat. Concern flared inside of Hanami, burning in her eyes. "K-Kaneki?"

"I…I wouldn't…" he choked out, his fingers digging into his skull. Memories and bursts of madness twined in his head. He remembered Yuna in Hanami's apartment. Blood was in his mouth, but he couldn't have—not to the one he loved. "But…did I…I wouldn't, but if I was able to hurt _you_ , then…"

Instinct drove her and Hanami's fingers curled around Kaneki's, the digits weaving between his. A soft gasp left Kaneki's throat and his eyes darted to her face. "Hanami," he whispered. "Aren't you angry? I…I was able to hurt you. I took away someone precious to you-"

"I'm an awful person."

Her words stopped his, but what drew Kaneki's attention was the cold splash against his cheek. Crystalline droplets fell from Hanami's eyes, her shoulders trembling. "I'm terrible. My best friend is dead and I'm in love with the one that killed her. I should want to hate you, but…I can't. I probably should have hated you long before now, but I guess it's too late for me, huh?" whispered Hanami, her lips twisting into self-loathing smile.

Kaneki couldn't stand that smile on her face. "Don't, Hana-chan. Please," he murmured, his fingers squeezing hers. "You're not a terrible person."

Her tears continued to fall and his heart twisted deep inside of him at the sight. "I am, Kaneki. I'm cruel. My best friend, someone I love as a sister, is gone and I have no right to mourn her."

He couldn't stand it anymore. Kaneki pushed himself upright, so that his lips were against hers. Her lips were warm, still swollen from their passionate dance before, and it sent shockwaves down his spine. The memory of the sensation of Hanami's bare skin against his, the feel of her all around him, surrounding him, sent his heart racing. Breaking the kiss, Kaneki watched as Hanami's cheeks tinted a sweetly pink.

Hanami's lower lip poked out at the look in Kaneki's eyes. "W-What?" she asked softly.

A ghost of a smile flitted across Kaneki's lips, his fingers against her cheek. Her skin was warm and soft, his fingers trailing from the curve of her cheek to brush against her lower lip. The tips of his fingers tingled, his skin electrified. "You. You're just so beautiful," he answered. "Gentle, sweet…you're not a terrible person. You're not cruel, you're not awful."

"You're wearing blinders," Hanami mumbled, a sudden shyness taking hold of her even despite their intimacy.

"Maybe so, but I like to be able to see you," replied Kaneki, his fingers still ghosting against Hanami's lower lip. His eyes hooded, a need inside him burning to kiss her, to take her body again; but his entire being was full of more than just that need. There was love, lust, and fear—and that fear, regardless of what they end up finding of Hanami's lineage, was something that kept a hold of him. "I want to be able to see you, always," he continued, leaning in to bury his face into Hanami's neck. Kaneki inhaled, the scent of roses mingling with another scent— _his. She's mine, always mine…_

"Kaneki?" Hanami's voice had dropped to the barest whisper of his name and it sent chills down his spine. Her palm pressed against his bare back, so warm and soothing, their joined fingers twined so tightly that it felt impossible to break them apart. "You're trembling."

"I'm scared that I'll lose you." Kaneki's words brushed against the column of her neck, etching deep inside. "I'm scared that you'll be taken away from me, that you'll get hurt now that you're with me," he murmured. "I can't lose you, Hanami. I _can't_. Not you."

"You won't." She embraced him now, her warmth surrounding him. _Not when he's all I have left…_

Kaneki pulled back to study Hanami's face in silence. "We should get going," he suggested after a moment. "What do you think?"

Hanami nodded, a soft smile curving her lips. "Yeah, you're right."

They had dressed in silence, preparing to find out more. Exiting the doors, Kaneki thought about the house held all of Hanami's scars. Even though they had grown closer deep within its heart, Kaneki couldn't help but still hate that the hallways were echoes of Hanami's pain. He cradled her in his arms, his eyes fixated on the ruined house. The woman who gave birth to his flower, the one he would never meet, had hurt the one he cared about in that house while keeping the letters from the mysterious man who sired their daughter. The man was careful to not sign his name in the letters written to Hanami's mother, but at least those letters gave Hanami some idea of what he was like.

"Where are we going now, Kaneki?" Hanami asked.

Kaneki turned his gaze to her, his eyes softening. "We should get a mask made for you," he said, rather nonchalantly.

"A mask?"

"Yes. The CCG investigator saw your face already so he'd recognize you, but as a precaution we should have one made."

"Who's going to make it?"

"I know someone."

* * *

HySy had a charming seediness that Hanami expected a place of business in the fourth ward. Hanami blinked as Kaneki set her carefully to her feet to not agitate her healing leg. Before Kaneki could even raise a fist to the door, it swung open.

A blue-haired young woman beamed at the sight of the two. "About time you came by, Kaneki," she said by way of greeting.

"Is Uta in, Himeko?" asked Kaneki, raising an eyebrow at the young woman and her rather brash greeting. Himeko was many things, usually quite disciplined in her appearance; but now, she just seemed rather…excited.

"Of course," replied Himeko brightly, stepping aside the let them in. His arm secured around Hanami's waist, and her arm slung around his shoulder, Kaneki eased her inside. Hanami's fingers dug into Kaneki's shoulder as she observed the studio. Masks of all varieties adorned the walls and faceless mannequins, the craftsmanship of each one striking an appreciative chord inside of Hanami.

"This must be the Hanami-chan you talk about so much." A smooth voice caught Hanami's attention to the lithe male dressed in loose-fitting black clothes. His eyes were the red kakugan of the ghouls and Hanami had the shuddering feeling that he was looking right through her. The blue-haired woman strode over to him, linking her arm around his and resting her head against his shoulder.

"This is Uta," Himeko crooned, gesturing to the male with a graceful flourish. "You want a mask made, he's your guy!" she added to Hanami with a wink.

"We need a mask for her, Uta," Kaneki said, glancing at Hanami. "I know better than to interfere, but maybe a full face will do?"

"We'll see once I take her measurements. Sit her down, Kaneki, I'm sure she's tired of being on her feet," Uta replied, pointing to the low seat near a small table. Hanami met Kaneki's gaze and nodded, the white-haired male gently eased Hanami toward the seat, helping her sit down. Uta walked over to Hanami, a sketchpad in hand.

"I hope you don't mind if my questions get personal, Hanami-chan. I make it a habit of knowing my customers when I make their masks," he said. Hanami blinked before nerves suddenly got to her and her fingers twined together on her lap. "T-That's fine, I guess," she replied, her teeth furrowing into her lower lip.

Uta inhaled. "I can smell Kaneki's scent all over you. You two must have gotten quite close," he observed, writing something on his sketchpad.

A blush rose into Hanami's cheeks before she could stop it. "Close?"

"Intimately, of course. He isn't the first ghoul, half-breed or not, to mate with a human."

"I…I suppose not."

While Uta continued with his unusual questioning method of creating his masks, Himeko stood beside Kaneki. "She's a beauty. I can see why you like her, Kaneki. She's got that innocence about her that can be so easily tainted," she said, her ice-blue eyes softening. "I have no doubt in my mind that you're well on your way to that."

Kaneki tensed. _Tainted_. He knew that all too well. His Hanami still had that innocence about her, even after everything he'd put her through and all she had endured. Himeko's words were not odd in the slightest, but Kaneki felt that Hanami was thoroughly tainted—if not by what she had been through, then certainly by him. He wanted her to bloom in his darkness and keep her from the sun. She belonged to him. Forever. "Why the interest in her, Himeko?" he asked curiously.

"I see _potential_ in that girl, something you're both blind to. For now."

"What does that mean?"

"Uta, love," Himeko declared suddenly, ending the conversation with Kaneki. "Maybe you should do something with the mask to bring out her eyes, no?"

Uta chuckled, obviously amused by Himeko's suggestion. Hanami blinked up at him as he wrapped the measuring tape around her skull. "You're a ghoul, right?" she asked. Whether Uta was caught off-guard by her question or not, Hanami was not sure; the male had an excellent poker face.

"I am."

"And…Himeko-san, she's…"

"She's a human, here with me by choice; the same way you're with Kaneki."

Embarrassment heated Hanami's cheeks further. "I'm sorry, that was rude."

"Don't be embarrassed. It seems she's taken an interest in you. My princess tends to do as she pleases. It's cute," replied Uta mildly. "Though her suggestion isn't entirely unwelcome. Something about your mask should definitely bring out those unique eyes of yours."

 _Unique. I keep hearing that word._ Hanami kept her mouth shut from voicing the thought aloud, though; she had a sneaky suspicion that the ghoul taking the measurements of her skull could read her mind.

"Are you okay, Hana-chan?" Kaneki's voice drew Hanami's attention and she turned her head toward him. She smiled reassuringly, the action not going on unnoticed by Uta or Himeko. "I'm fine, Kaneki," she replied. She would put that word out of her mind for now; the last thing she wanted was Kaneki to be worried. Kaneki returned her smile with one of his own and it put Hanami at ease for the moment.

* * *

She was becoming anxious.

Touka looked up at the clear, blue sky, her hands on the sign outside of Anteiku. While work was busy, something kept gnawing at her insides and it was that very feeling that Touka hated deep into her bones. It was though it was calm now, but a storm was definitely coming—and it was going to be a huge one. Touka was no stranger to such storms. She knew that once it was weathered, there would be a sea of blood and the sky would be splitting in anguish.

"Touka?" Hinami's voice snapped the older girl out of her reverie and she turned to look at the brunette girl coming down the stairs, her brown eyes wide. "Do you need any help?" she asked, once she cleared the last step.

Shaking her head, Touka undid the fasteners so that the sign folded to be propped inside for closing. "No, I was just lost in thought," she answered.

Hinami nodded before looking up at the sky. "I wonder if big brother is doing okay. And Hanami-san too."

She wasn't sure why, but the anxiety knotting Touka's insides grew worse. "I'm sure they're fine," she assured, and she wondered if she would ever get the taste of the lie out of her mouth.

* * *

Long fingers tapped against the silver attaché case. They knew what was inside of this case: a quinque that they considered so devastating that no ghoul who had seen it lived to tell the tale. It had lain dormant for so many years, since its previous user was slain. The ghoul it had been made from was long since dead, considered S-rank and mysterious to boot. The ghoul had been trying to protect something; they knew that just by listening to the story of their death.

The former owner of this quinque never did find out what the ghoul was guarding.

But they were going to find out.


	18. About Her

_Sorry I've been dead for a while. I had to deal with things that impacted my life. I'm going to try to handle updating as much as I am able._

* * *

" _You don't know anything about her, do you?"_

Those words bothered Kaneki long after he and Hanami left HySy. Himeko had whispered it to him in passing, to where Hanami wouldn't have heard and Kaneki could barely look at the bluenette in shock without seeing that icy smile on her face. Uta assured that he would have Hanami's mask done soon—a vague timeline, but Kaneki had no doubt that they wouldn't be waiting long for what Uta envisioned to hide Hanami's face.

His arm around Hanami, Kaneki's eyes flickered over to her. Her expression barely twisted in pain at her leg anymore, even though her experience in the ghoul restaurant was not so long ago. Looking back in his mind, it felt as if he were looking at himself from another life. The very idea that he could have lost Hanami that day, if he had been one second late, she would have been in the bellies of the ghouls screaming for her slaughter. Yet it was because of that incident that now, Hanami questioned her parentage, wanting to unlock who she was little by little, and Kaneki had even more questions about his lover.

 _Lover._ The word brought a rush of color to Kaneki's cheeks as he stopped atop a roof of an apartment complex. Hanami became a blushing mess when he so much as kissed her; the word sinking in a little faster for her than it apparently did for Kaneki. They had stepped in the boundary of what he little he knew of dating. His only experience dating was with Rize and Kaneki hadn't gone on a date since. He wanted to understand the world he was thrust into, that tore everything he knew asunder. Rize lived on in his mind, whispering to him about his weaknesses, his denial of his primal urges, a reminder that he was no longer _just a human_.

Thinking back, he did the same to Hanami. After saving her, he could have left. He should have, but he couldn't stay away from her. Hanami would have been happy, safe, not questioning her own identity and existing only in his memories.

 _But I'm selfish._ That was a truth Kaneki wasn't going to deny when it came to Hanami. He couldn't let her live in his memories, not when he had gotten close to her. Not when she recognized him, even when he looked different, _was different._

In the end, though, Himeko was right. Kaneki still hardly knew the girl who gave her heart to him—the girl who now owned his heart.

"Kaneki?" Hanami's voice drew Kaneki away from his head, her ruby eyes on his as he paused. The rooftops gave them cover in their movements, so unless someone happened to come to the roof of this apartment complex, he and Hanami were safe. Kaneki carefully set Hanami down, minding her leg as he knelt down beside her. "How's your leg?" he asked, reaching to splay his fingers against the makeshift splint he had made for her.

Hanami's attention diverted to her leg, her eyes watching his hand. "I think it is okay. It doesn't hurt much anymore…" she trailed off, her words hanging in empty air and Kaneki cursed internally. Her regenerative abilities were why they reached this point. Hanami's head wound healed in a matter of hours after her ordeal and she hadn't eaten any flesh. Her appetite hadn't veered toward ghoul territory, which was practically a damn trademark for any ghoul in Tokyo. Her leg healed far more slowly, but it appeared to be within the realm of ghoul-like regeneration.

"Would healing this fast make me a ghoul?"

Her question broke his heart and Kaneki lifted his grey eyes to search Hanami's face. It was stone, but there were cracks beginning to form from her own insecurity of her identity. "We don't know that yet," Kaneki replied softly, his hand abandoning its place against her leg in favor of touching her face. When those eyes he loved so much found his, Kaneki smiled softly, his thumb stroking Hanami's cheek. "For one thing, you don't have the appetite of a ghoul. You're not craving flesh even with me near you, are you?" he added.

Hanami blinked, turning her head against his hand, her eyes sliding shut. Her lips grazed his thumb, sending an avalanche of chills down Kaneki's spine. Hanami's mouth opened slightly, just enough to take the tip of Kaneki's thumb into her mouth. Kaneki's eyes widened, holding his breath. His lungs were swelling, barely holding air, as Hanami's teeth pressed lightly against the tender skin. Kaneki's heart beat louder, until the noise pulsed into his ears as though thunder boomed overhead.

They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity, every second that air couldn't fill Kaneki's lungs passing so slowly, before Hanami pulled his thumb from her mouth. Her eyes opened, irises swirling with an emotion Kaneki couldn't pinpoint. "Human flesh doesn't taste particularly different to me," she whispered. "Is that because my tongue is a human's tongue?"

Kaneki's free hand landed on Hanami's shoulder, the digits tingling at the contact. "You didn't have to do that," he replied.

Hanami averted her eyes, her words tumbling from her mouth. "I wanted to know what it was like for you."

Kaneki blinked, surprise taking root in him at her words before his hand fell from her shoulder to take hold of her hand. Bringing his fingers to his lips, he mimicked her previous action. Instead of Hanami's thumb, however, Kaneki gently took her index fingertip into his mouth. The flavor of her skin, exotic and tempting, burst against his tongue and he had to restrain himself from biting down. With a barely suppressed groan, Kaneki pulled Hanami's finger from his mouth.

"Was…is it good?" Hanami's question was a whisper on the wind. Her eyes fixated on his, color staining her cheeks.

Kaneki shook his head. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

"I want to know."

"You taste good."

When the blush on Hanami's cheeks deepened, Kaneki couldn't help but smile at her. "I won't eat you, Hana-chan. I can promise you that."

"But what if you get hungry? You don't want me to be left by myself and I would be the only one around."

"Hana-chan-"

"I want you to, if you need it."

The stubbornness that was present in her eyes, when Hanami would go against his wishes before, was different this time. It was something Kaneki recognized as a resolve; she _wanted_ him to, if the agony of not feeding overtook him. He sighed, leaning in to press his forehead against hers. "You can be so stubborn, Hana-chan. Were you always like that?" he asked.

"I guess you bring out unexplored sides of me," answered Hanami, her lips tilting upwards in a soft smile.

 _Unexplored._ What an interesting word she used. Kaneki pulled back slightly. "Hana-chan, who took care of you until now?" he asked. "Your mom was killed when you were so young, so did any relatives take care of you?"

Hanami tilted her head before her eyes lowered and she shook her head. "Yuna-chan's parents did," she murmured. "My grandmother and grandfather died before mama and she was an only child so…"

"You were all alone?" The thought of Hanami, so young and small, fending for herself in such a cruel world spurred Kaneki's protective instincts.

She shook her head. "No. Yuna-chan…her parents helped to take care of me. They didn't let me go to CCG as an orphan, so I owed them everything," she continued. Her eyes dimmed with sadness at the mention her best friend. "They raised me and when I was old enough to work and save money, I did. I didn't want to burden them any longer, so once I had enough money, I got my own place. Yuna visited a lot and spent the night too."

Her best friend's parents; that was how Hanami survived all this time after her mother died. A little seedling growing into a delicate rose due to being cared for by other, gentler hands. Yuna was gone, her parents likely mourning the loss, and for Kaneki to take Hanami—a child they raised, likely as a second daughter—must have left quite a deep wound. He averted his eyes, his heart clenching. He took her from the only other family she had.

" _But when I'm with you…I'm free."_

She said those words to him, in the heart of a rotting house, where they became one in all sense of the word. It was ironic, in a sense. Kaneki wanted to trap her in his darkness selfishly, so that his place in her life was no longer threatened; Hanami made her choice and she choose him. She couldn't go back, even if she wanted to. Kaneki's arms were around Hanami and he felt the weight of her head against the space where his neck and shoulder met. _I'm all she has left now,_ he thought, his fingers tangling into her hair. It was on him to protect her, to make sure she never cried again. _To love her_.

The weight lifted from his chest and Kaneki nuzzled his face against Hanami's. "It's funny. I still don't know much about you, even though we're together."

"My favorite color is indigo."

Kaneki's eyes glanced down and he could see Hanami's soft smile, her own eyes meeting his. "Indigo, huh?" he asked, amused.

Hanami nodded, a soft laugh leaving her. "Mhm, and my birthday is December twenty-seventh."

"Your birthday is in December too?" murmured Kaneki. _And not too long after mine._

"Yeah. I don't really like celebrating it much."

 _Of course she wouldn't._ She was trapped in a nightmare for six years of her life, which could have been worse on her birthday. Kaneki's expression softened, rubbing soft circles against the small of Hanami's back. "Then, we'll celebrate together," he mused.

Hanami pulled back to look at his face, her eyes widening with surprise. "What?"

Kaneki tilted his head slightly, planting his hand atop of Hanami's head before his fingers trailed down to her cheek and to pinch her chin. "Despite everything, I'm happy you were born, Hana-chan," he said. "We can celebrate, just the two of us, I promise. I want you to have a good memory of your birth for once."

"Do you pinky-promise, then?" Hanami asked, lifting her hand with her pinky pointed up. Such a childlike thing and yet it still brought a smile to Kaneki's lips, reminding him of days long past. He raised his hand, linking his pinky with hers. "I promise," he answered.

Hanami smiled, leaning in to brush her lips against his and Kaneki couldn't help but return it. It was almost second nature as soon as their lips met; he wanted to devour her mouth. He angled his head, to deepen the kiss and Hanami's fingers dug into his shoulders to keep him close, her mouth moving against his.

This was something Kaneki could get used to. His mind going blissfully blank when he kissed Hanami, the calm that washed over him at the sensation of her against him—he could forget everything for one wonderful moment. Hanami broke the kiss first, her breaths shallow as she peeked up at him from beneath her lashes. Kaneki's heart swelled, his hands lifting to cup her cheeks, nipping at her lower lip. _Mine, mine, mine…_

He froze at the sudden burst of lust that heated his blood from the inside. A chill crawled up his spine, like hands winding around his throat. _No, no-not now!_

" _ **She's so delicious and here she is, primed and ready for you to eat her. Why do you fight it so much?"**_ Rize's voice whispered in Kaneki's head and the white-haired male shook his head sharply. He wasn't going to give in, he couldn't. Hanami was an important part of him now and he wasn't going to jeopardize that.

 _I won't give up my place at her side._

"Where did you go?" Soft palms caressed his cheeks and Kaneki focused his sight on the rose red irises staring at him. "You disappeared on me, Kaneki."

Her question. _Where did you go_. He had asked that of her before knowing about why the faraway look crossed her expression, before knowing where and when she disappeared to. She was able to sense when he vanished into his own mind, restraining himself from devouring the one who loved him and making her a complete part of him. "She talks to me sometimes," whispered Kaneki, closing his eyes and reveling in Hanami's touch.

"She?"

"Rize."

Hanami was silent and Kaneki opened his eyes slightly to see that the brunette's expression had softened. "Is that where you go when she does? To talk back to her?" she asked.

Kaneki slowly shook his head. "I try not to answer her when I'm with you."

Comprehension dawned in Hanami's eyes and she didn't ask any further questions. Instead, she embraced him tightly as if he would disappear into the very wind. Kaneki's arms banded around Hanami, grasping her just as tightly. Rize could whisper in his head all she liked; Kaneki knew he was stronger, much stronger, now.

"My, my, what a cozy twosome this is," a smooth voice declared. Kaneki's instincts blared on high alert even though the voice was very familiar to him. Keeping his hold on Hanami, he turned his head to glance behind him. "Tsukiyama. Did you follow us here?" he asked.

The purple-haired, well-dressed ghoul strode forward, a smile curving his lips upward. "I just happened to catch your scent just now, Kaneki. A sword roaming without his master is not quite suited to my taste."

Hanami inched as close to Kaneki as she could, her eyes on the male. He was at the warehouse the day she ran away from Kaneki and he spoke in such flowery language. He also caught sight of her when she was taken by other ghouls and alerted Kaneki, which ultimately saved her life. Her movements hadn't gone unnoticed; Tsukiyama's smile didn't quite reach his eyes when his gaze flickered to her. "The little rose is well, I see. She looks quite exhausted, don't you think, Kaneki? That's no way to treat a delicate flower," he said.

"Tsukiyama." There was a warning in Kaneki's voice, even if his tone was even.

"Please, Kaneki, allow the girl to have a proper rest and relaxation. You are aware that use of the property I have as a favor to you is still on the table."

Kaneki was silent for a moment before sighing. "If you try anything to her, I will rip you apart."

The expression that crossed Tsukiyama's face looked as though he'd want nothing more than Kaneki to rip him apart in whatever context necessary. Hanami wasn't sure whether to be worried about the man or wanting to inch as far away as possible. A soft gasp left her lips as Kaneki swept her up bridal style. "Let's go. You need somewhere comfortable to rest," he told her. "Tsukiyama is right in that regard."

"Do you trust him?" whispered Hanami, her brows furrowing as she looked at him. There was no question Hanami trusted Kaneki; but Tsukiyama was a different story. Kaneki realized that implicitly, even after all he's been through and everything he's endured.

But he opted for being honest. "Not as far as I can throw him, but he'd do whatever he can for my sake," he replied in a whisper. "I'm utilizing that, for you."

"Let us go, you two," Tsukiyama preened flamboyantly, gesturing quite grandly to the two and prepared to lead the way. "You both look to need a more comfortable night's sleep."

Kaneki nodded briskly, keeping a tight hold of Hanami as her arms remained secure around his neck and he began to follow when Tsukiyama began to lead the way. "I have something to look into, right after my flower rests. I can at least trust you to make sure she stays safe, can't I?" he told Tsukiyama firmly, his stormy grey eyes flickering to the purple-haired ghoul.

Tsukiyama smiled charmingly, enough for Hanami to feel disarmed and suspicious of the male at one time. "Of course. I am here to assist you in any way I can, my dear Kaneki," he replied. "And by extension, of course, to the charming young lady you hold so tightly in your hands. You should be a bit more gentle, flowers tend to die when held so possessively for so long."

When Tsukiyama's eyes landed on her, Hanami could barely suppress a shudder. Did this Tsukiyama know something that she didn't? His words sounded far too ominous for her liking.

"If you want to help," Kaneki murmured coolly, "don't scare her. I want her to feel safe."

 _Too late with this one here, don't you think?_ Hanami couldn't help the thought even though it was rather kind of the man to even have a property for Kaneki and herself to reside in and rest. "I'm okay, Kaneki," she whispered, keeping her tone as reassuring as possible. "He doesn't scare me."

Kaneki's eyes found hers before he sighed. "If you say so, Hana-chan."

"He's a ghoul too, right?" Hanami asked softly, hoping that Tsukiyama's ears weren't heightened to catch her inquiry.

"He is."

"He was at the warehouse before...when I…" _When I ran away._

"And you still came back to me."

That was true. After Kaneki saved her, she still went back to him. Hanami couldn't stay away and if their first time was any indication, she was bound to him in both heart and body. They were both seeking answers to questions they asked themselves and Kaneki, Hanami knew, wanted to know about her.

But what answers could she give besides what she had always knew?

Only time would tell.

 _But time was not going to be on their side._


	19. The Edge

_It's been too long since I updated. Not going to lie, my muse for it died for a while. But I am slowly getting it back! I apologize with this chapter being shorter than the others, but I'll be sure to make it longer for the next one._

* * *

Her red eyes were very ghoulish indeed.

Tsukiyama had taken notice of the female Kaneki held onto so tightly as he guided them toward a property his family owned. The-rather modest, to the purple-haired ghoul's taste-two-story townhouse had been vacant for quite some time. It was perfect the two to hide out in while they accomplished what they needed to.

Tsukiyama was already quite aware of Kaneki's infatuation with the ruby-eyed brunette, but something about her definitely unnerved him. She appeared human, yet even by human standards, something was utterly off, especially when it came to her relationship to Kaneki.

It was as though Kaneki was grasping tightly to a dying, blood-red rose so that the thorns would remain buried deep into his skin. That was the aura Tsukiyama had received from the young woman, something that wasn't sitting right with him. He could definitely see the girl was absolutely enamored with the half-ghoul who was embracing her so; however, there was a heavy resignation that her petals would scatter, her life fleeting. Tsukiyama vaguely wondered what left of Kaneki's psyche would be shattered when the white-haired male's precious flower faded when her time came.

"Is this better?" Kaneki's question to the young woman broke Tsukiyama out of his silent observations as the younger male set the girl on the bed in one of the three bedrooms the house had. The girl nodded and her eyes flickered to Tsukiyama briefly, as though she were keeping the ghoul at a distance with her gaze. She didn't trust him, which was just as well; Tsukiyama had partook in the ghoul restaurant settings and a young woman like her would have been a delicacy whose succulent flesh he would sup.

"Go ahead and rest, okay?" Kaneki told her, his fingers threading through the girl's hair. "I need to talk to Tsukiyama about something, but you're safe."

"I'll be fine, Kaneki. You don't need to baby me," the girl replied lightly, though she leaned into Kaneki's touch as though she were a moth drawn to a flame. The girl must not know how being a mate of a ghoul worked, Tsukiyama considered. Neither does Kaneki, now that he thought of it.

The white-haired ghoul smiled at the brunette before he stepped away from the bed, allowing the girl to lay down. Even though she was still wide awake, Tsukiyama followed Kaneki out-no doubt to have some sort of privacy about whatever needed to be discussed. When the two male ghouls left the room and gave some distance between themselves and the door, Tsukiyama then spoke. "You have been quite invested in the young _mademoiselle_ , Kaneki. You haven't lost sight of your goals, have you?"

"Of course not," replied Kaneki, his grey eyes narrowed in contemplation. He truly was delectable, a sublime dish. "That girl is very important to me. I care about her, but she's in a place where she is unsure of her own identity."

"Unsure of her identity? She is a human, _oui_?"

"That's what she had always thought. What _I_ always thought."

"The questions have begun after we went to take the girl from the clutches of death."

Kaneki's brows furrowed as he lifted a fist partway from his side. "Hanami has...endured so much because of me. If I left her alone, she wouldn't be questioning herself. She would be at school, living like she normally has up to now. I didn't- _couldn't_ leave her alone. If I hadn't taken her, she would live freely like she is supposed to," he murmured.

"So then, dear Kaneki, why did you take her?" asked Tsukiyama, his arms crossed over his chest.

Kaneki lowered his fist back to his side, grinding his teeth together. "Because I'm selfish."

 _Selfishness_. Kaneki had taken the girl purely out of selfishness. He had reached forward to snatch the flower that linked the person he was now to the person he had been in the past. The timid and meek Kaneki Ken no longer existed in the same space and breath as Makine Hanami. After Kaneki turned into a ghoul after the life-altering encounter with Rize, he made his decision to stay away from the ones he was close to for their sake. He didn't want to risk Hanami's safety, but he couldn't help himself. He had to clutch the delicate flower to have some semblance of hope, a sense of belonging. He needed to feel that he hadn't changed, that his place in the endless cycle that was her life was not threatened despite how different he was. Part of Kaneki knew that remaining stagnant was not something to aspire to, but was it wrong to just stay still, to leave the ones he clung to in the hopes they will remain when he returned?

After all, even with Hanami questioning herself, she remained the same.

 _But was she really_?

Hanami's petals, those luminescent petals that exuded innocence, were now stained by his bloodied longer Kaneki held her, the more wilted she became.

Wasn't this how flowers die?

* * *

The paper was fragile in her hands.

Before leaving the house, Hanami had taken some of the letters her father had written to her mother with her. She had skimmed them, reread thoroughly, skimmed again in a rinse-lather-repeat cycle since Kaneki had walked off to talk with Tsukiyama. Kaneki likely would have told her not to focus on the letters and whatever _was_ between her mother and father. However…

Her mother was human. After Hanami was born, the brunette's father was never mentioned, but her mother must have been wounded to not see him again. Whatever happened to break her once-kind mother when the ruby-eyed girl was born, it only served to etch a monster inside of Hanami's memory for a mere fraction of her existence.

What _was_ her existence? She only knew of one half of it. What was the other half? _Who_ was the other half that created her? Was it normal not to know? She had been so blindly content to know that part of her-the part of her that loved and hated her mother-would forever be part of her story. She wasn't seeking to know the other half, but now, after all of this…

Her world had been torn asunder when Kaneki came back into her life. Hanami remembered existing as just a Kamii student who had loved him from afar. With the chaos of their reunion, the brunette would have never thought that they were supposed to walk into the same unknown. Kaneki was thrust onto that path much faster, walking ahead of her until he looked back. Until he reached back for her, bloodied hand outstretched and Hanami had taken it, her hand no cleaner than his.

Hanami folded the letter close, sliding it back into the envelope. She had no room to doubt the possibility of the ghoul that had saved her all those years ago being her father. If she closed her eyes, allowed herself to fall back into that memory, maybe she could see him…

But all she could remember were the red eyes, the shaking hand that had touched her face as her small body lay where her mother was prepared to end her life, the voice telling her she was safe and that she wouldn't be hurt anymore. Yet why hadn't he sought her out again? If she was the daughter of that ghoul, whomever he was, wouldn't he have wanted contact with her? Or was he content to let her live in blissful ignorance of her identity?

"Hana?"

The call of her name roused her from her thoughts and her ruby irises rose to find Kaneki at the threshold of the bedroom door. He stretched out a hand, palm turned toward the sky, beckoning her. Hanami pushed herself off of the bed, her feet gently touching the floor. Kaneki hadn't let her walk much ever since her leg was snapped clean at the ghoul restaurant, but if any part of their questions were to be answered with _what_ she was, the distance between the bed and the door was a start.

There wasn't any pain when Hanami put her weight on her leg. The makeshift bandage and splint only seemed cumbersome now as Hanami stepped forward, step by step. The bandages seemed to loosen even as she drew closer to Kaneki, whose grey eyes were fixed on Hanami, the faintest ghost of a smile touching his lips-here, then gone. Hanami's hand rose, her fingertips ghosting against Kaneki's before they curled together, a familiar sense of a strangely chaotic stability coursing between them. Hanami glanced back, to see the bandages and splint had fallen from her leg and onto the floor.

No pain. Her leg had healed as though it had never been broken.

Just like that.

The brunette's expression changed then and Kaneki had noticed it. Hanami's face was devoid of any emotion, almost as though she had expected this outcome. The white-haired male wondered what expectations she weighed walking to him had set on her consciousness, a weight that seemed to only grow in the absence of words. Hanami's fingers slowly slipped from Kaneki's, keeping her eyes away from him. "I think I may need that rest after all," she murmured at last, her words barely hanging in the air as soon as they left her lips.

Was she scared? There was not even the slightest tremor for Kaneki to believe otherwise and yet, he wasn't sure what was running through Hanami's head at this precise moment. "Talk to me, Hanami," he told her, reaching to take her hand again. They had discussed this before, hadn't they? Whatever they found out about Hanami's parentage, Kaneki would always accept her. That sentiment would never change going forward.

"There's still a lot I don't know, Kaneki. My body seems to heal like a ghoul, but everything else about me is…" Hanami trailed off, crimson irises turning to clash with steel. There was an abundance of confusion in her eyes, and the slightest trace of fear. Kaneki gently pulled Hanami closer to him. "You don't have anything to be scared of," he murmured in response. "I'm here with you. You won't be alone through this."

Hanami nodded and Kaneki brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek, watching as she leaned into his touch. He was reassuring not just his flower, but himself; they both had each other, Hanami more alone than Kaneki was and yet-

He just hoped that the chaotic storm will finally settle, so they could live their life in peace.

* * *

The mask was a delicate piece of work, much like the brunette Kaneki had described to Uta. It was unlike the Eyepatch mask, which had become Kaneki's moniker with the CCG agents who wanted to apprehend him and other ghouls alike. The red trim along the black leather would accentuate the girl's eyes-that part of the mask was going to be covered by a see-through mesh. However, her face was be covered, from the circlet that would wrap around the girl's forehead, the leather covering the nose, mouth, and curvature of the cheeks.

Kaneki's flower definitely scented of human, but she was a strange mixture of something else. It the similar to the scent of a ghoul, but it was more _weak_. Sickening even. As though her blood was diseased. It was the scent of poisoned flowers, something doomed to rot soon after it truly blooms.

"It looks like you made the face of a wasp." Himeko peered over Uta's shoulder, a smile on her lips. "It really would bring out her eyes."

"Wasp would be a suitable name for her, wouldn't it? I wonder if the CCG will call her that."

"They'd have to see her in the mask first."

"Very true, princess. Where have you been, by the way?"

"I went to drop of a little something _important_. It might bring the show to its finale." Uta could hear the laughter in Himeko's voice despite the female's voice barely even doing so. Such an odd little thing his princess was, often doing whatever she liked-either for herself or for him. "It may be what they want to find out."

"You know something I don't?" Uta hardly sounded offended as he worked on the mask.

"You'll see. What's the fun in ruining the surprise?" Himeko reached down toward the bottom of the mask, where it would button at the neck. "You should put a rose here."

"Any particular reason why?"

"She's like a rotting one already, even if she doesn't know it. Best to show it, don't you think?"

"I adore the way you think."

When Himeko drew away, she occupied the seat beside Uta as he added the finishing touches to the mask. Soon Kaneki and his little flower were going to return to pick up the masterpiece in its completion.

And, perhaps, he would see firsthand what the little human was truly capable of.


End file.
